Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hey, Tooth Fairy! You're Fired.

So, it appears that when being assigned fictional/mythical/yes-they-do-exist/ type characters, our family got a Tooth Fairy Reject. She (or he) truly sucks. We are requesting that a replacement be issued as soon as possible. Teeth are falling out of the Munchkin's head left and right, and we would like to have this matter resolved before we run the risk of yet another near miss.

Oh, sure, she (or he) started off strong, with a cute little letter to accompany the $5 she (or he) left for the monumental first tooth, but since then? It's been all down hill.

We've lost 4 teeth, and on the 2nd loss, the Tooth Fairy woke us up in the middle of the night having forgotten to take care of it at a reasonable hour. Who does she (or he) think she is flying in here at all hours? Some common courtesy would be nice. And let me just tell you how lucky the lazy ass got when the Munchkin lost her 3rd tooth on April Fool's Day, giving her (or him) an automatic "out." But having the parents explain to a heartbroken child who's missing her cash, that the Tooth Fairy must have "played a joke" on her, is not cool. After a stern talking to and explaining to her (or him) how that shit won't fly again, we thought she learned her lesson.

Fast Forward...

6:18am this morning.

I awoke in a panic, realizing that I never heard the Fairy come flying in with her giant bag of teeth. It also became apparent that not only does our Tooth Fairy suck, her backup also dropped the ball. (I might need to submit a replacement request for him, as well) With only minutes to spare I had to swoop in and save the day. (Again.)

I managed to locate a couple of bucks, in cash (not easy) sneak upstairs while holding my breath, and carefully avoid the creaking boards. I slid the tooth out from under the pillow and tossed some money on the Munchkins head, all the while questioning my sanity. Is it really worth the charade and the great lengths that we go to, to tell our kids this lie?

After the entire debacle, I jumped back in bed, heart still racing and acted like everything was completely normal. The kids came down 15 minutes later, one with a HUGE smile on her face because the Tooth Fairy actually remembered to get her tooth and leave her money. In that moment I realized that this charade is worth every little baby tooth in her head.

I will however suggest to our Tooth Fairy that in the future, she (or he) set an alarm on their phone to remind them that they have a job to do...

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