Thursday, May 31, 2012

Summer. Day 7

This could easily be labeled the "Day of Summer Fun that Almost Wasn't."

After promising and pumping the girls up for a movie date this morning, I realized that I got my dates wrong and was looking ahead by a week. Not very comforting when considering it's my job to know what's going on in Birmingham and when.

After sighs and "Awww Mom's" I offered up the McWane Center as a replacement, which was of course received with Cheers all around. Yay, Me. Plus it's on our bucket list, so we were still going to be able to mark something off.

Fast forward one hour, we're dressed, and walking into McWane, excited to play animal rescuer in the New Dora and Diego Exhibit.

Fast forward 30 minutes more, and you would see me noticing that my child was doing a very urgent Potty Dance, while refusing to relinquish control of Baby Jaguar. As it sunk in that she would rather pee in her pants than hand over that stuffed animal, I saw the pee start trickling down her leg. I grabbed her up, yelled for the other 2, while flipping her legs up to stop the pee from hitting the floor and closing down the exhibit.. You're welcome.

Unfortunately, staying wasn't an option. We packed it up (ever so thankful for a membership!) and headed home.

We cleaned up, changed clothes and consulted the Summer Bucket List for something else to do. After explaining (again) that we would not be riding a dolphin today, I did what every good Mommy would have done and picked an activity that happened to be 2 minuets from a Starbucks.

After a "coffee drink" for Mommy, we had a great time playing at Wald Park - all was not lost.

Color Me Badd

I might have officially lost my brain.

It was brought to my attention that The Color Run 5k is coming to Birmingham in September. Being that I've been wanting acting like I want to run a Warrior Dash (because it sounds cool.) I thought this color run would be an easier transition into crazy-ass-sports-stories-that-will-be-good-blog-fodder.  Plus starting out on a run without the fire and obstacle course sounded more appealing, and considering I can't even run to the mailbox without hyperventilating, I thought it might be a better idea than going balls to the wall with a Warrior Dash.

The only catch is you come out at the finish line looking like Rainbow Brite.

I've gathered a few friends and we've created a team, I'm oddly excited considering 2 major things:

1. I hate to run
2. I hate getting dirty

Other than that, it's going to be awesome!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Summer. Day 1

I have to say we started the summer off with a great day of fun and I managed to exhaust my children so much that they didn't even have the energy to mark anything off of our bucket list when we got home.

I feel certain we could mark several things off from today, but "Go to the Pool" will definitely get a check.

My Ladies

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Summer Bucket List - Rejects

Something I had been thinking about for a while was creating a bucket list of fun things we wanted to do over the summer - this year we finally did it!

While our list is full of fun (pool, McWane Center, Visit Mimi in Kentucky) and mostly practical things to do, a few things did get added that I know I will never make good on (ride a dolphin, Lady Gaga concert, New ipods for everyone...) In my defense, I was very clear on those and should have probably, in hindsight added and asterisk to those items and had the kids sign in blood that they understood those things were super hard to accomplish, and would be very costly if we did.

I would also like to note that "Mary Kate" had been giving the a combination stink eye/foot stomping/huffing attitude for 24 hours prior to making this list, all because I told her she couldn't go to see Lady Gaga sing on a stage.

While these "practical" items are great, the best ones didn't even make the list, for several reasons. I'm sure you'll be able to guess why. Here is a list of the rejects from this summer's bucket list.

1. Buy a live pony for the backyard
2. Meet the real Harry Potter
3. "Get" a baby sister
4. Go to Bella and Edwards House (I have no idea where they come up with this stuff)
5. Get a pet of ANY kind
6. Visit President Obama at his house, while he's home.
7. Ride on a Spaceship
8. Have a Snowball Fight/Build a Snowman

My children have a great imagination, I on the other hand have a lot of arrangements to make - if anyone comes across a local place offering free dolphin rides, hit me up. That would be the pinnacle of our summer list!

Happy Summer to You All!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


We have very strict rules in this house regarding food staying in the kitchen at all times. Clearly.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Vagina MOMologue

While absentmindedly folding laundry and Uhuh'ing and Mmhmm'ing my way through a barrage of questions being thrown at me from a 6 year old, I snapped out of it just in time to realize that I was either about to go down a road of "Big Fat Lie," or "Conversation I Don't Really Want to Have Right Now.."

While the Big Fat Lie sounded nice, I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I put on my big girl panties and answered her questions honestly. After re-telling this to the husband last night, he decided we're either going to be the best parents ever, or screw our kids up beyond repair, you decide.

The Munchkin has always asked about how babies come out of a Mommy's Tummy. Because I have a scar from the twins c-section, the story just kind of told itself. The Dr. cut my tummy, and pulled the twins out, I guess she just assumed that's how she came out too.

While throwing questions at me yesterday she said, "did the Dr. cut a hole in your tummy to get us out?" I replied that it wasn't really a "hole," more like a small cut that opened up big enough to get a baby out - "So, that's how the Dr. pulled me out of your tummy?"

*Lie, Lie, Lie, Lie*

"Well, not exactly. There is another way that a baby can come out of the Mommy...."

Munchkin: How?

Me: Well..... The other way to have a baby, is from your vagina...

Munchkin: Your VAGINA! From Here? (Points to her lower stomach.)

Me: No, not exactly

Munchkin: Here...? (Points a little lower, but still nowhere in the same zipcode)

Me: Well... No..

Munchkin: Then, where?

Me: (Please ground open up and swallow me. No? Okay, then.. Here goes nothing...) Kind of like where your tee-tee comes out.... *cringe, hold breath*

Munchkin: *Silence*

Me: "It's something that you will learn more about as you get older, and you'll understand it more when...

At that point she threw her hand in air and waved me off mid sentence, while saying... "Oh! I got it..." and walked away.

I'm guessing she will be discussing this on the playground with her peers today. "My Mom said babies come out with your tee-tee in your vagina.... "

Shoot me.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hey, Tooth Fairy! You're Fired.

So, it appears that when being assigned fictional/mythical/yes-they-do-exist/ type characters, our family got a Tooth Fairy Reject. She (or he) truly sucks. We are requesting that a replacement be issued as soon as possible. Teeth are falling out of the Munchkin's head left and right, and we would like to have this matter resolved before we run the risk of yet another near miss.

Oh, sure, she (or he) started off strong, with a cute little letter to accompany the $5 she (or he) left for the monumental first tooth, but since then? It's been all down hill.

We've lost 4 teeth, and on the 2nd loss, the Tooth Fairy woke us up in the middle of the night having forgotten to take care of it at a reasonable hour. Who does she (or he) think she is flying in here at all hours? Some common courtesy would be nice. And let me just tell you how lucky the lazy ass got when the Munchkin lost her 3rd tooth on April Fool's Day, giving her (or him) an automatic "out." But having the parents explain to a heartbroken child who's missing her cash, that the Tooth Fairy must have "played a joke" on her, is not cool. After a stern talking to and explaining to her (or him) how that shit won't fly again, we thought she learned her lesson.

Fast Forward...

6:18am this morning.

I awoke in a panic, realizing that I never heard the Fairy come flying in with her giant bag of teeth. It also became apparent that not only does our Tooth Fairy suck, her backup also dropped the ball. (I might need to submit a replacement request for him, as well) With only minutes to spare I had to swoop in and save the day. (Again.)

I managed to locate a couple of bucks, in cash (not easy) sneak upstairs while holding my breath, and carefully avoid the creaking boards. I slid the tooth out from under the pillow and tossed some money on the Munchkins head, all the while questioning my sanity. Is it really worth the charade and the great lengths that we go to, to tell our kids this lie?

After the entire debacle, I jumped back in bed, heart still racing and acted like everything was completely normal. The kids came down 15 minutes later, one with a HUGE smile on her face because the Tooth Fairy actually remembered to get her tooth and leave her money. In that moment I realized that this charade is worth every little baby tooth in her head.

I will however suggest to our Tooth Fairy that in the future, she (or he) set an alarm on their phone to remind them that they have a job to do...