Friday, January 13, 2012

Mortification: The Definition Of...

I'm about to tell you a story. The events that took place are all true, no embellishment or exaggeration needed.

A Mommy walks into a Verzion store with two, 3 year olds in tow. She asks, begs, warns, bribes them to be on their best behavior while the Sales Guy switches out Mommy's old pee'd on phone for her brand new shiny one.

The promise of lunch and play time at a Chick-fil-a playplace hung in the balance, and the girls behaved swimmingly for the entire 45 minutes they were in the store. After a quick run by the bank the happy trio were on their way to claim their reward. For the children, playtime in a climate controlled, let's say for all intents and purposes, clean play area. For the Mommy, fairly uninterrupted time to eat and play with her new phone. Everyone would win.


10 minutes into playtime one of the 3 year old's shit her pants, diarrhea style in the middle of the playroom.

One might think that's mortifying enough, not this family! This family likes to take it one step further, they like to push the boundaries, because a kid shitting their pants in an indoor playroom is not exactly new or original.

While many 3 year old's would be content to poop their pants and go on about their merry way, this 3 year old is nothing if not thorough by feeling the need to check and make sure that she did indeed make a mess of her pants in front of a room full of her peers. How? You might ask. By pulling her pants down in front of the glass windows (ass facing the entire restaurant) to check. How else, silly?

Once confirmed, she pulled her pants back up, like a champ, and met her already mortified, couldn't- get-to-her-child-fast-enough-when-she-saw-what-was-happening-Mom at the door with "Mommy..... I pooped in my pants, but I don't want to go home now... Do we have to leave?"

Needless to say the Mom in this story who may or may not have hidden out in the bathroom for approximately 30 minutes before making her walk of shame through the restaurant, will never be able to show her face in this undisclosed Chick-fil-a again for a very, very long time.

On the bright side, the new tortilla soup is actually pretty tasty.

The End.


Unknown said...

OH no! You poor, poor mama!!!! I will be recommending you for Saint hood. Yup. Poor baby too, I'm sure she felt awful after that experience!

Oh, and by the way, thanks for keeping REAL...that is what makes you a rock star mom!

Cassie said...

Oh wow that is quite a story!!! At least she did not poop in the pool! Love your blog and I love your honesty!!

Rachel said...

OH!! Wow.

Please tell me she didn't make a triumphant last slide down the slide, leaving a nice brown racing stripe down the middle...