Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

And I'm not talking about Christmas. Although I noticed today that stores are already forcing that holiday down our throats, putting it side by side with the gorey Halloween decorations, it's quite the contrast if I do say so myself.

I'm talking about fall. Long sleeve, jean wearing, open the windows in the house and car, fall. It's my absolute favorite time of year. There is just a feeling in the air, football is in full swing, and we start digging out the crockpot for those soups and chilis we've been waiting for for 9 months.

My mission for this fall is "Operation Wear the kids the Eff Out." Everyday that the weather is nice, if you want to find us, we will be somewhere, outside, burning off energy and getting some of that fresh air that seems to be a sleepy drug for my kids. If only I could bottle it and give it to them right before naps and bedtime I'd be one happy Mommy, and rich to boot.

Happy Fall Ya'll

Friday, September 25, 2009

Greeks Rock!

I'm admittedly not a very religious person, but if I was looking for a church, I would choose one that serves beer in their parking deck like the Greek Church throwing the Food Festival downtown this weekend.

I loaded up with a few of this towns hottest hookers last night and we made a night out of it. I'm not a huge fan of Greek food, I love a good salad or the Greek style chicken but you have to give mad props to a church that will open up their doors and serve some alcohol. I had to go and check it out.

They had some booths set up selling all kinds of Greek Garb and they were giving tours of the church, while I didn't tour the church, I did however have to be coerced into walking through the church with a beer in my hand. NLD said it was fine and other people were doing it, but it just felt wrong... Can you tell I grew up in the south?

We headed to a local bar, ate some really bad for you fried appetizers, listened to music that was so loud we couldn't really talk to each other and had a great time!

Opa! You bitches!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dear Mother Nature (god of rain)

On behalf of all Birminghamians we would like to thank you for the abundant amount of rain you have tortured blessed us with over the past week. I feel sure that we are well over our quota and above all averages for this time of year and will most likely be set for the next couple of decades months.

While we graciously accept this "gift" of rain, we would like to respectfully decline the opportunity for more. We're good. All set here.

My back yard, once so beautifully landscaped with new sod, could now host the next Mud Bowl Championship. My hair, frizzy on a good day, would like the opportunity to not be worn in a ponytail any longer.

Having a rule of not leaving the house in the rain with all 3 kids has made life quite difficult. We are running out of toilet paper and since we recycle our magazines there soon will be nothing left to wipe with.

My kids would really enjoy getting out to play in our once beautifully landscaped back yard rather than having to play out front on the driveway (between rain showers.) Our unsteady little twinlets continue to scrape their knees and hands due to lack of sure footedness.

Anything you can do to assist us in the matter would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a Mom!..?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Overprotective Behavior

If you were to check Websters for the definition of Overprotective parent, you would most likely find my picture next to the description. It's funny because I never thought I would be that parent. I always saw myself as the one sending my kids off to the grandparents for the weekend, or to whoever would take them off my hands so I could get a little adult time, within reason, of course. Only, I'm not like that at all.

I've allowed the Munchkin to stay with her Oma, once. Once away from our own house. One night, and it almost killed me I missed her so much. Being here without her was just weird. We tried a spend the night for Tooty's bday, but even her love of the "Peas" family was no match for her wanting her mommy at bedtime, which ended in Daddypeas driving her home close to midnight.

This year in school, she will be going on more field trips, ones that not all of the parents can attend, like we did last year. I quickly signed up for everything thinking there is no way in hell she's going without me..... Only, I'm on the sublist for driving because they take parents that can chauffeur the most kids first, (remind me to re-think the minivan.) When I saw my name on the alternate list, my immediate reaction was, well, too bad she won't be going.... So many thoughts were going through my mind..

I don't know who's care she will be in, what if I haven't met this person driving her?

What if they don't install the carseat properly? People aren't always A-N-A-L like me when it comes to carseat safety, trust me on this one. It amazes me how half assed some people will install the seat that protects their most prized possession. Crooked and loose. Belt it, Hook it, latch it, tether it, whatever you need to do to keep them safe, not crooked and convenient so you can reach back there to shove food in their mouth when their hungry and whiney.... But, I digress.

What if this person driving is a terrible driver?

Who will watch her closely when they get there? No one will keep on an eye on her like I would.

And the irrational fears list goes on and on.. and still here I sit only days away from a very defining moment for me as a parent. I've talked with Husband about this at length a couple of times and the only reason I don't feel completely crazy is because he was concerned too.

Our thought right now is to let her go. We trust these teachers to watch her on a daily basis, this is their job. They take the trips every year, they know how to install these carseats. If I were driving other peoples kids, I would be just as much of a freak about their seats as I am my own. I can only hope that some of these parents are the same as me. I'm sure that's part of the reason they signed up to drive, right?

Random Mommy and I have had multiple discussions about this over the past weeks, so I'm not the only freak parent in our class.... Although, she has emailed the teacher on our behalf and I reserve the right to change my mind without notice as the trip gets closer.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

(Time) Stamps

Is it just me or do you also hate when your kids get stamps on their hands or feet (yes feet, they do this at the twins gymnastics place) It's like an automatic countdown to having to bathe the kids before someone sees them days later, with the same stamps on their little bodies....

It's like saying, Guess what I haven't done? I haven't bathed my kids in 4 days, I know you know. I see you looking at those stamps, wondering what the odds are they they got the same exact letter stamped on their hand at the gym nursery, 3 days later.

The worst is when these stamp opportunities fall on the day after I have bathed them, that's just embarrassment waiting to happen. Sure, some of the stamps come off with wipes, and some will come off with the wipes with a little elbow grease and with the sacrifice of a little skin, and that can't be good.... all the time anyway.

I should probably just politely decline the ink, but they love them so darn much I can't bear to see them deprived of such a simple thing. Lest I be compared to Kate Gosselin (again!)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

What the Poop, Man?

The Munchkin has been potty trained since the twins were born. They are now 18 months. I would think that in 18 months this should be locked up and done, but she still gets distracted when she is playing and will pee her pants if not reminded to go. I'm so tired of saying the words, "Munchkin, go potty," "Are your pants wet or dry" Every.Damn.Day. We were doing so good and she was doing much better, until about a week a go. One day she wet her pants 4 times, and on Sunday she pooped in her pants. POOPED!!! Even when potty training, she never did that. Pooping was something she just never did in her pants, not even by accident. We were fortunate.

Sunday, I thought I smelled something, I checked the twins, nothing. I went about my business writing it off as a gassy baby or husband. It never dawned on me that the Munchkin was walking around with little turdlets in her pants.

After dinner, I told Munchkin to go potty, she came out holding her panties. I looked at her like she was crazy (fine parenting, I know) I asked her what she was doing, she wouldn't speak, she just held them up trying her best not to drop the poop on the floor. Husband and I realized about the same time what was going on.... We marched her back to the bathroom, cleaned her up, searched the floor for stray turds and lectured the Munchkin on:

1. not pooping in her pants and
2. poop etiquette. (You know, don't bring poop out of the bathroom and such)

What the heck? She has been in school for a week and a half and has wet her pants once already - she did it once all last year. Why are we moving backwards?

Regression? Does she need more attention? I've googled it, I know you aren't supposed to reprimand, some sites say reward, don't acknowledge the mishaps but I gotta tell ya, I'm frustrated and ready to get past this point. I've got 2 more coming up behind her, I should not be doing this with a 4 year old too.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


On my way home from the gym the other day I spotted a guy walking, not very odd really, right? He was probably 30ish, wearing a suit, carrying a briefcase, in a nice part of town. Again, not very odd right? I didn't think so either until I realized he wasn't wearing any socks or shoes.

He didn't look disheveled, or homeless, the suit, probably not Armani, wasn't found in a dumpster or ill fitting either. I for the life of me cannot come up with any reasonable explanation as to why this man was walking around in a suit, barefoot. Nothing. Absolutely nothing comes to mind, yet I can't stop thinking about this man.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Some people lack it, and I would put my almost four year old firmly in that category. Although, what little she has is more than I can say for some adults I know.

I took the girls to the mall yesterday to waste time and pick up a couple of gifts for upcoming birthdays. I promised the Munchkin last time we were there that I would let her jump on the the Euro Bungee. Keeping my word and forking over my $10, I took her over there and they hooked her up. She loved it, she went sky high and didn't want to stop.

After what seemed like eternity 10 or so minutes, I told her it was about time to go. I was getting nauseous just watching and she started looking a little green herself, although Dude would have been covered in vomit before the smile faded from her face.

As we were thanking the man, and this is where it gets ugly, like a train wreck. It happened so fast, yet so slow and all at the same time.... We were thanking the man, the Munchkin looked up at him, I was turning away, an elderly man tapped me on the hand, Munchkin says, "Why are all of your teeth falling out," elderly man asks me about the twinlets, toothless man's hand goes up to his teeth, I say something to the elderly man, the toothless man says something to the Munchkin.... then I do what every good responsible Mom does in that situation, I walked off leaving the Munchkin behind me with Oma.

She asked a man why his teeth were falling out! I felt awful, I had no idea what to do or say, I walked off after muttering another quick thank you. I know that can't be the right thing, but was it wrong?

I have since had another talk with the Munchkin about how people look different and that's cool. You can be short, tall, big, skinny, black, white, toothless, toothfull but at the end of the day we are all just people. I know she's a kid, taking in and trying to process this colorful world we live in, but I'll be damned if it isn't costing me some dignity and the little bit of grace I used to have.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Monday, September 07, 2009

Shame Shame, I Know Your Name.

It's been a while since I have ruffled some political feathers here on the old blog and I just can't bite my tongue anymore. It's been bleeding since the birth certificate debate, healthcare, beer summit and others. I haven't had any extra energy to field the anonymous comments that tend to appear after those posts, but this one? I just have to address.

For all of you planning to keep your children out of school tomorrow to "boycott" the President, shame on you! What are you afraid of? Indoctrination of what exactly? The position of President of the United States should be respected, whether you like the person holding the position at the time or not.

He's going to tell children to stay in school and work hard, just like Presidents have done in the past. He's not going to pull a bait and switch and talk about healthcare or euthanizing the poor kids great Grammy. Come on people!!! I just can't tolerate the complete and utter closed mindedness that is surrounding the Right Wing Extremists.

I love a good debate, I love being able to discuss politics with people who believe differently than I do, I feel that I can come out of it having learned something. I just don't have it in me anymore to listen to people say things, like socialism, death panels and fascism.... They = Ignorant.

I don't believe politics should be brought into school anymore than prayer or religion should be, but let's not forget our public school systems are run by.... The Government (socialism?) I just don't see what the fuss is over a message that is simple, stay in school. That's it. Why the tizzy?

If McCain had won the election, I would not have a single problem with him doing this, I would respect him as the President. If it were Palin, I would only have a problem because she's stupid, but I wouldn't keep my kids out of school because of it. I would just inform them that she in fact cannot see Russia from her house.

{{{ stepping off of soapbox }}}

The End.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Sigh of Relief!

Today was Munchkins first day back to school. I have to say I was a bit nervous. We were out of town for the meet the teacher, see the classroom, orientation jazz, and knowing that she is such a creature of habit I was afraid of what was going to happen when I dropped her at the curb to some strange ladies in a completely different part of the school.

She woke up this morning and of course, she didn't want to go to school. She wanted to be in her old class with Miss D and Miss L ..... I was able to distract her and remind her of the fun things there would be in her new classroom and told her that I was sure she would be able to say hi to her old teachers today.... Then I begged promised I would get her a special bribe "first day back to school treat." She conceded and even acted somewhat excited.

I dropped her off to people that I haven't met either, which didn't help my nerves. I cried a little tear when I saw how her new teacher greeted her, my heart melted, she didn't give me a second glance and I was a distant memory as I drove off watching in the rear view mirror.

I picked her up (early of course) and the first thing she said? "Mom, I want to stay here all day long!!!" She was ecstatic and I was happier than I can even explain.

Today was a good day.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Time for a Sit Down.

Since we had absolutely no food in our house from being on vacation last week, I loaded the girls up and took them out to get some fast food for lunch. It was a beautiful day, we had Coldplay on the radio and the Munchkin asked if she could have her window down. I happily obliged.

While we were at the drive thru window, she tried to carry on a conversation with the girl working the window. Then she started asking me why that girl was there and I explained that it was her job. Just like Daddy has a job in an office, she works in a restaurant. I explained that there are all types of jobs for all types of people. Then we got on the subject of Mommy's job. She asked what I did and instead of telling her, I braced myself and asked her " What do you think my job is?"

Assuming she would say something about the computer, I was pleasantly surprised when she busted out with something along the lines of me taking care of her and her sisters. Then it took an ugly turn:

Munchkin: You work at home for me...

Me: I work at home because of you. Mommy decided it would be better for me to stay home and take care of things around the house and take care of you and your sisters, feed you, bathe you, do the laundry, cook.. Yada yada.

Munchkin: ... and drive me places?

Me: Yes, I would say that is part of my job, to drive you places. I make sure you get to school on time and I pick you up.....

Munchkin: So when I want to go to Chuck E Cheese, it's your job to drive me there.....

Wise Ass.... She has obviously been spending too much time with her Daddy!