Sunday, April 05, 2009

Rules of the Road, According to Me.

Last week I left my Moms house headed to pick the Munchkin up from school. It's a trip that should normally take about 20 minutes but took 40 because of stupid people that can't drive. I noticed the electronic traffic board thingy said that there was an accident just before the junction and the right 2 lanes were closed. I noticed this because Munchkin was not there talking my head off from the back seat, and the babies were sleeping. It was just me and Katy Perry singing about kissing a girl and liking it... Usually those boards don't give any valuable information and they rarely work at all, but for some reason I took heed and got in the far left lane, always be prepared, right? Traffic all of the sudden started going wonky about a mile past the warning board, cars were slamming on their brakes and pulling onto the shoulder to avoid hitting other cars, all because they failed to prepare for those lanes to be closed. Those people somehow decided that they should make their stupidity my problem by trying to cut me off or nearly rear ending me because they weren't paying attention. That is when my rules of the road came back to me... I used to have a whole system on who I was nice to while driving. I must also admit that I have been known to exhibit signs of road rage at times, this has been controlled now because of the children, but here are a few of the old rules that I remember: Modified to fit present likes and dislikes.

1. Because I leave adequate space between me and the car in front of me does not mean you have the right to take that space, it's not for you, it's my buffer zone, a place to skid without hitting that person in front of me, when a dumbass like yourself hits me from behind.

2. If your car/truck is bigger than me, I will respect you. I will let you over without fail.

3. If you do not use your signal to let me know that you want over, forget about it. Consider that a refresher coarse on driving etiquette.

4. If you have anything on your vehicle identifying you as part of an enemy clan such as, an Alabama/Shula sticker, Mississippi State tag, Fan of Palin 2012 sticker, or any other stupid bumper sticker, you aren't getting over. Subsequently, if I deem you a friendly, like an Auburn fan, an Obama supporter or even a Switzerland like Georgia or Ron Paul, I will let you over. If you are a Tennessee fan I will let you over because it will piss off the Alabama fan that I just shut out.

5. If you are old, you're in. I figure you probably couldn't see the sign to begin with, so what the hell.

6. If you are driving a car that I envy, I will let you in just to look like I'm cool enough to be associated with you, if you are driving a car that I don't like, sorry. Unless you are a friendly. (See example 4 for more information on friendlies)

7. State tags: I will only let you in if you are a from a state that I like, ie: Florida, "The Sunshine State" I love going there, what's not to love about the Sunshine State? This is usually associated with places that I have visited and liked. I will refrain from listing states I don't like just to avoid negative feedback.

8. If I let you in front of me and you don't give me a little love, (a quick wave of thanks will suffice I'm not asking for a grand gesture,) I will over exaggerate a wave to you, hoping you see me in your rear view calling you a stupid jackass. If the girls are not in the car, I will look for the next opportunity to pass you and cut you off while waving. (and calling you a stupid jackass)

3 comments:

Madie's Mom said...

AMEN!!!!

Poodlehead said...

Just something I've noticed - you talk about girl crushes and now kissing a girl waaay too much for a straight married woman. :)

I'm a Mom!..? said...

Well you know I didn't go to college, so I missed out on my experimental phase :o)