Monday, April 20, 2009

My Day with the Doc (in the box)

I woke up this morning and my left eye was completely sealed shut. Gross, yes, but considering I have been fighting some nasty ass crud since last Friday, it didn't surprise me. Until I went to wash my hands and saw in the mirror that my eye was red, really red, as in Pink Eye red! So not cool. Husband and I debated on whether or not I could even give myself pink eye, so I Googled it only to find that I could indeed be the giver and the receiver of this most incredibly contagious infection.

I loathe going to the Dr. The parking decks the waiting, all of it, I hate. So I decided to run up to the Doc in the Box right here by the house. I walked in and to my surprise only one person was ahead of me and was called back just as I sat down to fill out the endless paperwork.

Man Nurse called me back to weigh me (WTF? I was not prepared to be weighed I was there for my eye) temp check and blood pressure, fine. Then he looks me square in the face and asks, which eye? Um.... the red one? He says "Oh yeah, I see it," then he proceeded to take me back to do an eye exam. I then had to inform him that I'm as blind as a beetle and can't read more than about 5 or 6 rows down the chart with both eyes and my left is worse on it's own, and it has nothing to do with it's color du jour'. He looked at me like I looked at him when he asked "which eye?"

I was sitting in my room, playing on my phone waiting on the Dr. When she, Zulu Witch Craft Dr. finally came in and said hello and introduced herself. I realized at that moment we were in for some serious communication problems. Her accent was so thick I could understand about every 12th word she said. Something about what was bothering me, I gave her the run down leading up to this morning and my eye. She said something, maybe even asked a question. I smiled and nodded. She got out the stethoscope, listened to my lungs, chest and then felt my stomach? No idea. Asked something that sounded like cough, I said I had one, she said something about drops and my eye was red... No shit Zulu. Then, and I caught this. "How about we give you some drops, does that sound good? Maybe antibiotics, how does that sound?" I DON'T KNOW!!!! How does that sound, Doc? She talked at me for a few more minutes and I thought she said she was getting my prescription, so I waited. A few minutes later she sent the comedian in to draw some blood.... As he was looking for a vain he said, repeatedly. "Don't worry I won't feel a thing..." You're real funny wise ass, and I asked "why are you taking blood." The Doctor wants to run some blood work, then we will get you on your way. Great. I liked it better when she was gone to get my scripts.

She came back and my blood work was negative. Negative for what? Who knows. She handed me a prescription with 3 different meds to fill, I didn't ask because I knew I wouldn't understand. Still not really knowing if I actually had pink eye, asked as she was walking out, if I was contagious, she said either, "yes, contagious for three days, or eye will fall out in three days," I assume the former, but can't be sure. She said something else that I thought was to follow her. I grabbed my purse and tagged along behind. She stopped at the desk and told me to go back to my room. Uh... Ok, maybe she said stay there.... She came in a couple of minutes later obviously wise to the fact that I couldn't understand a word she said, and pointed for me to sign something. It was a slip stating I needed to be off of work until Wednesday and signing it was making me accountable for giving it to my employer. That's great and all, but my employers can't read yet, and I'm pretty sure they are going to be pissed if I don't change their diapers until Wednesday. I just smiled and left.

When I got to the pharmacy I had a script for eye drops, nasal spray and cough syrup. Validation came when the Pharmacist said not to worry, I should try talking to her on the phone.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Having worked in healthcare for 25 years, I got a big kick out of your posting. Jerry & I refer to your experience as "IRS" which stands for "incompetence reigns supreme."

- very funny! - Judy