Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Explaining Opposites.

While we were eating dinner last night, either Hubby or Myself said something about "opposites." Our ever inquisitive 3 year old asks, "Daddy, what's opposites?" He started to explain, then looked at me, how do you explain the definition of opposites to a preschooler. We Um'd and Uh'd for a minute then decided to give her examples.

The opposite of dark is light
The opposite of up is down
The opposite of day is night

Munchkins eyes were glazing over and she exclaimed: "I like Pink!" Obviously not picking up what we were putting down. We pressed on, this time asking her....

What is the opposite of Hot......? "Ummm... I don't know..." Cold, Munchkin, Cold.

What is the opposite of Boy......? "Ummm.. I don't know..." Girl, Munchkin, Girl is the opposite of boy.

What is the opposite of Daddy......? "Ummm, Right!"

Just when we thought she wasn't going to get it, the opposite of daddy, is right!! That's my girl.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Their Time, Our Time.

It's no secret that me and my bitches like to get away. Whether or not it's for dinner and a movie or a quick trip out of town, getting away to clear our mommy heads is a must do from time to time.

On Thursday morning while Hubby was getting ready for work, I mentioned to him that I emailed him some info and needed him to check his calendar because we were planning our next girls trip for early summer and we had already booked a hotel. He then informed me that there would be no more "girl trips" until the guys had their chance to take a "guys trip." While on the outside this seems like a logical request, what you are missing here is that we, the wonderful wives that we are, have all but begged them to go somewhere, anywhere, just go! Because they are men, they can't seem plan a quick trip, it had to be grand. At first there were ideas of surfing in Mexico, some type of snow mobile, bar hop in some place that is as cold as balls, it was all outrageous trips to far off places, none of which came to fruition. Random Daddy threw out the idea of a quick trip to Biloxi a few weeks ago, and I thought, heck why not Vegas? All that time spent on online casino games could come in handy. Go, go, go! Please, for the love of Pete, take a guys trip.

On Friday, Hubby called and said: "How serious were you when you said it was cool to do something crazy this weekend?" I told him I was completely fine and he filled me in on the plans he was cooking up. It ended up with him, DaddyPeas, Random Daddy and our ass-chap wearing friend P. boarding a party train to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. They went with only the clothes on their backs, and all of the alcohol they could carry and consume on the 7 hour ride there. I know the alcohol won't have made the trip back, but I'm thankful the clothes did!

Finally, we are back to even. Nashville for New Orleans seems like a very equal trade off. Not sure what they will plan when the details of our trip to Italy are hammered out!

Cash Crunch!

It seems like everywhere I turn these days it's "economy this" and "economy that".... lay offs here, there, everywhere. We, just like everyone else I know right now are watching our finances a little more, clipping more coupons and so on. I've been thinking lately about ways that as a Stay at Home Mom, I could bring in a little extra cash while continuing to stay home. Just some walking around money for me and the girls. Starbucks money, new Disney DVD money, my-ass-looks-so-good-in-these-jeans-I-must-buy-them, money...you know, the basics, the necessities in life, you get the idea.

I've been kicking around ideas of how I can make this happen without sacrificing my time with the girls. I thought first that selling a kid would bring in quite a hefty sum, but then realized if I started selling them off on the black market, I would no longer have a reason to stay home, there would be no"time with the girls" as, there would be no girls, and Hubby would send me back into the work force without batting an eye, so that is definitely not an option.

Another idea, not really new or original when it comes to me, is expand (again) on my love of crafts, open up a little shop on etsy and get busy..... the question there was, what to sell? Has to be handmade. Clothes? Nope, can't sew. Candles? Nope, won't do that again after the great "candle fiasco of 2000," when I thought it would be a brilliant and inexpensive way to do Christmas gifts for everyone. Six years we lived in that house, and I was still trying to clean up wax in the kitchen when we moved. I'm leaning towards making some jewelry, throwing it out there and seeing what happens. I have some really cool ideas about using recycled materials. So if I have the time to implement, it could be fruitful.

Last and definitely not least on my short list of ideas. Professional gambling. It would help stimulate the economy, and with the help of an internet casino, I could practice my new trade from the comforts of my own living room, during nap time. Woo! I would have to refine my skills at poker, but with a little practice I could be the next Annie Duke!

Alright, so I'll keep thinking, but I do think I'm off to a great entrepreneurial start!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Two Seconds.

Did you know that two seconds is all it takes for an 11 month old to try and drown herself during bath time? I learned that the hard way yesterday when "Ashley" decided to jump out of her little "safety" bath ring, thingy. I know that I have been a little more frazzled this past week, and I have been feeding them some new foods that they haven't really cared for, but to try and drown yourself over sweet potato puffs is a little dramatic, don't you think?

Seriously, I wasn't sure if I should joke or call DHR on myself for being so irresponsible. I am usually a fanatic about bath time safety. Never leave them unattended, always have everything I need at arms reach, drain the water immediately when we are done, water temperature perfect, etc, etc... I had "Mary Kate" bathed and out of the way and it was time for "Ashley's" 5 minutes of torture. I thought I had 2 wash rags out, but only had one, so I turned around to get another one out of the drawer and I swear to you just as I turned my back to open the drawer, I heard a thump, splash, scream. She had somehow tried to get out of the bath seat, I'm still not really sure how she managed it, but was facing down at the water, holding herself up on her hands, while one leg was still caught in the ring. Needless to say I said a couple of dirty words while leaping 2 feet over to get her. I felt horrible and neglectful. It's one of those things that you look back on and say, "I know better than that, what was I thinking?" and unfortunately I think sometimes I get just a little comfortable or complacent. It could have been so much worse and thankfully it wasn't, but I will say this has been a reality check and a wake up call. These babies, maybe because I'm out numbered now, are going to need way more baby proofing and watching now that they are mobile and growing. It's going to be a completely different ballgame than when raising the Munchkin and it was the 2 of us to 1 child. I can assure you that bath time will be more appropriately planned from here on out.

Lesson learned.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Drum Roll Please.........

It is my pleasure to announce the winner of the Mommy's Magic Stick Giveaway... A $65 gift certificate to the online adult toy site, Eden Fantasys.

I have to say this was one fun contest to do. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the comments come in last night and I have to say you all are nothing if not persistent.... and horny!

The Almighty Random Generator looks like this:


Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

237

Timestamp: 2009-02-21 17:36:03 UTC

So, who is the reader that left comment number 237?..............

Congratulations, Aunt J!!!! Your efforts and relentless pursuit of this prize have paid off. I will contact you via email to make the arrangements! Hope you enjoy!!!

Thank you to everyone that participated and drove the numbers up on my comments, the only other time I had a lot of comments (but not even close to 400) was when I was discussing politics. Maybe Monica Lewisnki was on to something, sex and politics do mix!

A big thank you to D. for giving me the opportunity to offer this promotion!

Thanks again everyone and congratulations!! Even if you didn't win you should check out their site, you never know what you can't live without!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Todays The Day!

If you want a chance to win my first ever giveaway, then get to commenting... Up for grabs is a $65 gift certificate to Eden Fantasys, a great adult toy store.

Leave a comment, or two or four. That's it, it's that simple. One comment will be chosen at random, by the almighty Random Generator. If your comment is coming through anonymously, make sure I have a name in the body of the comment, it would be a shame for you to win and me to have no way to reach you!! Contest ends at midnight tonight, any entries received after that time will not be considered. Drawing will be done and posted on Saturday.

Good Luck Ladies... (and gentlemen?)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Putting Me In My Place.

The Munchkin is sick, we have been watching an unusually large amount of television the past 2 days. Because SuperWhy and all the other PBS programming has been running on a constant loop, I've pretty much figured out the line up.

The Munchkin came to me while I was changing poopy diapers and asked if she could watch "her shows." I asked her if she wanted to SuperWhy, and she nodded excitedly, when I turned the TV on, SuperWhy appeared, as if it were magic. She looked at me and said:

"Wow! Mommy, how did you know that was going to be on?"

I replied, "Because I'm SuperMommy, that's why"

"Uh.... No... You're not."

"What? Well, if I'm not a SuperMommy, then what am I?"

"Well, you're just a Mommy-Mommy, that's all."

Nice to know that the "Smart Ass Super Child" hasn't lost her powers!!

Giveaway Reminder!

Don't forget to check back tomorrow for your chance to win a gift certificate from the the online adult toy site, www.edenfantasys.com.

All you will need to do is leave a comment on tomorrows post. Nothing special or elaborate, it can say "pick me," "I need a new magic stick," or "I'm a Mom, you're the best-est in the whole world for doing this giveaway"..... Whatever works for you, just has to be a comment.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Mommy's Magic Stick Giveaway!!!

In the spirit of Valentines Day (ok a little late, give me a break it's been a crazy week) Let's just call it a post Valentines pick me up... just in case the Hubby failed to woo you this Valentines, I've got a little something that will make it up to you, maybe him too if you are feeling generous!

I must say that when I started my blog, I envisioned more of a Huggies or Gerber type giveaway, but really? What's the fun in that? I know a lot of my readers personally and I know that if it came down to a free box of Huggies or 10 minutes for mommy with the door locked during naptime, you wouldn't choose the diapers, so I was happy when D. from EdenFantasys.com contacted me about doing a giveaway to my wonderful, faithful and extremely deserving followers. He came across my blog, liked what he saw and BAM! I now have, for one lucky Incoherent Rambling reader a $65 gift certificate to www.edenfantasys.com. Do you know what you can get with that amount of money? One for him, one for you, or two for you and none for him... Whichever.

www.edenfantasys.com is an online adult toy site committed to keeping their site safe, secure and welcoming to all of their customers. So head on over there and start making out a wish list, the lucky winner of this contest could be you!

Your chance to enter will be this Friday February 20th. One lucky reader will be chosen at random by randomgenerator.org. All you have to do is log on and comment on Fridays post. A winner will be chosen on Saturday the 21st.

No purchase necessary, void where prohibited by law and blah, blah... Just comment. If you really want it, comment a lot, no limit.... All anonymous comments must leave a name in the body of the comment section.

Good luck!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Open Letter.

Dear Charmin Bath Tissue:

Just because you use cute little bears running around playing with their little bear families does not mean that it's ok to show toilet paper stuck to the bear asses... We get what you are trying to say about your product, but a red bear shaking it's ass with bits of toilet paper stuck to it, is a visual I can do without. And while I'm complaining, I could really do without the image of a bear taking a dump behind a tree while reading the Sunday News.

Just some thoughts.

Best Regards,
I'm A Mom!..?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Nothing Says Happy Valentines Day Like the Gift of Xanax.

Geez! What a week. I'm not sure if there is something in the air, if the girls are hitting a growth spurt, or if maybe the universe itself is trying to drive me into an addiction that will land me a nice suite at the Betty Ford Clinic.

The Munchkin has been super duper, freaky deaky clumsy and accident prone this week. She fell in the drive way yesterday and scratched up her chin, hands, and knuckles... yes, both hands and knuckles, she's talented I tell you. She has fallen off of her feet countless times and while eating dinner last night, she fell off of her chair. She was there, then she wasn't. It would have been funny if my heart wouldn't have stopped for a split second. What really is funny, is that now, when she rolls off of a chair or comes crashing into a room face first, she yells: "I'm Ooookaaaay." Unfortunately she gets it honestly since I'm about as graceful as a brick. I was just hoping that she wouldn't get that trait from me, but it appears this will be passed on to the next generation.

We went to a Valentines party today and man, my kids gave me a run for my money.

Munchkin? Whiny.
Ashley? Pretty much inconsolable the entire time we were there.
Mary Kate? Slept... thank the lord for small miracles, right?

Frazzled couldn't even begin to describe my state of mind. Several of the kids had periods of crankiness, and Non Lucid Drivel joked about putting them on Craigslist, but I was thinking more about leaving them on someones doorstep. Craigslist would take too long and then I would just have to meet some shady person in a Winn Dixie parking lot, only further complicating and dragging out the process. I'm really thinking doorstep is the way to go.

Isn't this supposed to be a holiday celebrating love (and chocolates?) Maybe it would be more accurate to celebrate the death of my sanity!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Hacked Off.

I very recently came across a bit of information telling me how to find out if someone other than myself has been logging into my email. When I clicked on the details today, I was a little concerned to find that 6 hours and 16 hours prior to me having logged in, someone, somewhere had also logged into my email.

I have tried really hard this afternoon to not jump to conclusions or be all paranoid. I've tried thinking of every possible scenario as to why another IP address has logged into my email at least twice in the last 24 hours. I thought maybe it was some hacker, they do this all the time right? But since no one in my contact list has been wiped away or received an email from me asking them to buy nipple cream or have their penis enlarged, I'm assuming it was personal. Maybe someone on a fact finding mission? No real damage other than my privacy being invaded. That in itself is super creepy and surly illegal, right? I know it's a federal offense to snoop through someones snail mail, but what about email? Hard to prove I guess, especially when you have sites out there like hidemyass.com giving people the ability to lurk around your site and leave anonymous comments and such. Which I guess also strikes me as odd. Why go to so much trouble to hide your identity, its not like my site is filled with crazy hot girl on girl porn or anything that would get you in trouble at work. It's not like I'm a White House intern blogging about sexual relations with the Prez and you are Al Qaeda trying to find out when the Prez will be preoccupied so you can attack our country. I'm a Stay at Home Mom trying to live my life, without any more craziness than my kids already impose on me.

So I'm left with these facts, call me paranoid if you want, but I'm just really trying to think this through logically, and when I do, in my opinion it leads me to believe it's personal, not random.

1. Another IP address has logged onto my account twice in 24 hours.
2. I and some close friends have recently been threatened.
3. In those threats I was told that I should be paranoid.
4. The computer I use now, is not new.
5. This same IP address that logged into my email, has also visited my friends blog.

So, I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out, cover all my bases and figure out what motive anyone could possibly have for invading my privacy in such a immoral, asswipe of a way. If lurker/stalker/hacker person just so happens to be reading this post, I hope you have enjoyed the emails from Children's Place and Monkey toes, did you get caught up your celebrity gossip via my Daily Juice from Perez? Please don't tell my Hubby about the Twilight book I pre-ordered using my Amazon credits..... Can you please go away now. I'm tired.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Recession Side Effects

Some possible side effects could include, but are not limited to:

Panic Attacks
Nausea
Anxiety
Loss of 401K
Shrinkage of 529 plans
Increase in beggars in parking lots......

For the sake of being politically correct, let's not call them "Beggars" let's call them "Solicitors of other peoples hard earned money." I can not tell you how many times recently I have been approached at random by strange men, always men, asking for money. I understand that things are hard on everyone right now. Everyone I know is tightening up the purse strings and watching their money and spending habits more closely. I understand that because of this more people are in need, but this also means that people have less to give.

I'm a sucker for charity work or helping families out when I hear of a need, I commonly try to drag everyone I know into helping out as well, but I do not take kindly to being approached in a parking lot by men that are big and intimidating, especially when I have my kids with me. It makes me feel unsafe, incredibly protective and damn it, guilty for saying no.

Yesterday I was pumping gas when a man approached me at the pump, he came from the front of my car and stopped at the driver side window, staring bluntly into my car, he could see my purse, phone, keys and a couple of dollars I had sitting in the cup holder. He then offered to clean my windshield for a few bucks. I told him "no, thanks, I'm good" and overheard a conversation going on between the manager of the gas station and someone in the car on the other side of my pump. The Manager was telling the person in the car that they are not allowed to be on the property asking customers for money, and that they were going to call the police if they didn't leave. The "Solicitor" was still standing by my window staring at me, I wouldn't make eye contact, and he finally mumbled something about "God bless you anyway" nice, thanks... then yelled to the person in the car about how no one was willing to help them, he got in the car, slammed the door and drove off. I stood there looking at the Manager, feeling like shit and honestly a little scared. He probably did need a couple of bucks for gas, but I just can't give to everyone, I can't. I also shut down in situations like that, all I can think of is not to make eye contact, hurry through and hopefully I won't end up on the 5 o' clock news. I didn't have the girls with me yesterday, or I probably would have been a basket case. When I think back on it, it makes me angry, because I know he targeted me because I'm female and I was alone. There were men pumping gas too, but he didn't approach them, just me.

How are you supposed to react when people are coming at you from all directions? Where do you draw the line? Giving a couple of bucks in the grand scheme of things wouldn't have been a big deal, and it might have been worth it to ease my guilt of saying no.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Meanwhile at the Gym.... Weekly Recap.

So, not much to report in the way of gym happenings and gym goer judgemental-ness this week. I must admit that the Body Pump class I took last Saturday rendered me somewhat.... okay, completely useless for the better part of the week. I couldn't walk, bend, carry my children or pick my nose without causing excrutiating pain to some part of my body, even my hair hurt. I managed to spin my legs for a little while thinking it would help work out some of the soreness, but other than that I skipped out until Body Pump yesterday... What can I say I'm a glutton for punishment.

Mommapeas and I have finally talked Random Mommy into joining us, the class was packed, (damn these people and their New Years Resolutions, aren't they supposed to be slacking off by now?) We weren't able to get spots all together, but Mommapeas and I were close enough to share a laugh over an inside joke, and Random Mommy was stuck in the back next to Gym Granny, who was certain she was going to get knocked in the head by RM's bar.

Went to spin class today, may have one less friend because of it. Mommapeas went with me and to our surprise, my old trainer was teaching. I wouldn't wish him on anyone attempting their first ever spin class, he is a complete freak of nature when it comes to cycling... A freak, I say. She made it through the class with some helpful advice from Trainer..."bike pants and baby powder will be her best friend this afternoon...." Please don't hate me!!

"Southpole" was there today, ta-ta's still very there, but over all, dressed way more appropriately.

I may have agreed to try and run/walk a half marathon this time next year. Something about doing one in Seaside, FL got me excited. We shall see.

Here's to more exciting people watching and gym going this week...

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Holy Short Haircut Batman!

When it comes to hair, I have zero attachment issues.... when it comes to my own hair, that is. My hair grows fast and I get bored so easily, it's nothing for me to, on a whim go in one day and get it cut super short. No biggie, it grows back. Evidentally when it comes to the Munchkin? I have issues. Husband and I have been "discussing" the future of the Munchkins hair for a couple of weeks now, we both agreed that it needed a cut. It was getting stringy, tangled and hard to manage. I was thinking a couple of inches, he was thinking chin length bob. I was then thinking he had lost his brain!! Cut her gorgeous long locks into a chin length bob? I've been looking at her little friends hair and getting inspired about how cute they look with their little bobs, but was still reluctant because I was afraid she was going to go from looking 3 to 13 with the snip of a scissor.

We went today and I told the girl what Husband wanted, and I told her what I wanted, then told her to meet in the middle. I really felt like I could get to the bob, a couple of inches at a time, but the thought of doing it all in one sitting made me physically sick to my stomach. Seriously. I can't explain it, I've never felt that way before, not even with her first hair cut.

A deep breath from me, and she pushed Munchkins chin down, and before I could speak, off it went. Off with her hair! Of course the under cut is always shorter, but I was fuh-ree-king out, watching all of those long pieces float to the floor. Silly, I know. Husband does not understand this at all, but he's a man. He says, "it's no biggie, it will grow back." Yeah, Yeah....

All in all, she looks ridiculously adorable and I know it's going to be so much easier to manage. Besides if doesn't grow back fast enough, I can always slip her a prenatal vitamin or 2.... right?

I present to you, a shorter haired Munchkin.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Wordless Wednesday.

I haven't done a WW in a while and this has been hanging around my inbox since my birthday, I stare at it almost everyday, it's a little something my Aunt JuJu and cousin F. put together for me... And yes, the Twilight addiction is still in full swing. Duh!

I guess I just made this a wordFULL Wednesday, eh?

Monday, February 02, 2009

Crayon Restriction.

We've pretty much dodged the bullet when it comes to destructive behavior caused by a toddler or pre-schooler. Munchkin has just never been one to break things, cut her own hair or draw on anything other than paper...... Until recently. Now granted it could have been way worse, but what I think is so funny is that she completely told on herself.

I had the twins on the floor giving bottles and changing diapers. The Munchkin was playing around us when she stopped suddenly and said:

"Uh Oh Mommy, what happened to the TV"

The TV wasn't on, so I had no idea what she was talking about. She said:

"Mommy, I think someone drew on the TV with an orange crayon"

Upon further inspection I could see that something was smeared all over the TV screen. Had I been left to form my own conclusions, I would have probably assumed it was chapstick. She has "chapsticked" the windows in my car on more than one occasion and it looked similar. I figured since she was so eager to rat herself out, I would see how much I could get from her...Turns out she'll confess faster than a tortured terrorist at Gitmo, when confronted.

Me: Oh really? Someone?

Munchkin: Yes

Me: With an orange crayon?

Munchkin: Yes, orange.

Me: You seem to know an awful lot about this someone with the orange crayon, could that someone have been you, Munchkin?

Munchkin: Yes! Yes! It was!!! (as if I deserved a prize for solving a mystery)

Me: Munchkin, Do you think that was a good choice or a bad choice?

Munchkin: Not a good choice, Mommy.

Me: No, not a good choice to color on the TV screen with crayon, what are we going to do about this bad choice Munchkin.

Munchkin: It's okay Mommy, I can fix it......

**** she walks over to the TV, turns it on.. and says.... ****

"Look Mommy, I made it disappear, now that is a good choice."

I always struggle with dishing out a punishment when I don't catch her in the act, not to mention when I'm trying so hard to suppress my laughter. This time we went with taking the crayons away until our Valentine Party on Wednesday, and having her clean it off of the screen, to which she exclaimed with sheer joy:

"Look, I'm like "Mrs T," Mommy"

Is it still considered punishment if they enjoy it so dang much?