Thursday, December 31, 2009

Books of 2009

This past year, I read a lot. I decided to see if I could list everything I've read and see what the total was and where I stacked up amongst the national average.. I couldn't find any recent stats on this but did find that in 2007, one quarter of adults in the United States were reported to have read no books at all in the past year.

So, in no particular order..

The Twilight Series (at least twice)
Stephanie Meyer

  • Twilight
  • New Moon
  • Eclipse
  • Breaking Dawn
** I also read all of the movie companions and such, that's another 3 0r 4

The Sookie Stackhouse Series
Charlaine Harris
  • Dead until Dark
  • Living Dead in Dallas
  • Club Dead
  • Dead to the World
  • Dead as a Doornail
  • Definitely Dead
  • All Together Dead
My Sisters Keeper
Jodi Picoult

Maggie Stiefvater

Catching Fire
Suzanne Collins

Harry Potter -- Haven't finished this series and skipped ahead to know how in ended.
JK Rowling
  • Sorcerers Stone
  • Chamber of Secrets
  • Prisoner of Azkaban
  • Deathly Hallows
The 5 People you meet in Heaven
Mitch Albom

The Blue Blood Series
Melissa De La Cruz
  • Blue Bloods
  • Masquerade
  • Revelations
  • The Van Alen Legacy
9 Dragons
Michael Connelly

The Audacity of Hope
Barack Obama

The Mortal Instruments Series
Cassandra Clare
  • City of Bones
  • City of Ashes
  • City of Glass
The God Delusion
Richard Dawkins

A Wolf at the Table
Augusten Burroughs

Rachel's Holiday
Marian Keyes

That's all I can remember, I'm sure there a couple of more, but I would say this is definitely the bulk of it. Funny, I thought once I wrote it all down the list would be longer.

I've decided to make 2010, The Year of the Classics. I cheated my way through highschool with Cliffs Notes and never finished college, so I thought I would give some of these old books another shot. It won't be all I read, mind you, but I will work my way through the list... however painful it might be. It's a shame to say that I've never actually read Romeo and Juliet.

First up, To Kill a Mockingbird.

Happy Reading in 2010!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

How to Extract a Baby with a Tool Kit.

For Christmas, Santa brought the Munchkin a tool kit. Complete with drill, "screwdryer," wrench, saw, pretty much everything you can think of that would be in a normal tool kit.

I really thought I would get a kick out of watching her walk around a la Handy Manny, looking for repairs that needed to be made, but leave it to her to put the tool kit to new uses.

She came in the day after Christmas with her tool kit and asked me to lay down on the sofa, she told me she was the nurse and the Dr would be in to see me in a minute. She proceeded to tell me that she was going to get the baby out of my belly..... with the saw. Then she pulled out the "screwdryer" and said it wouldn't really hurt.

I tried to protest, but my resistance was futile. She told me to hold still while she pulled out the drill (aka glue gun) and glued me back together. She even used the level to make sure I was straight. She's nothing if not thorough.

Did you know having a baby was that "simple?"

A saw, screwdriver, drill/glue gun, level and Bam! You have a baby. Kind of sounds like something from a horror movie don't you think?

Monday, December 28, 2009

Close But No Cigar.

I was really hoping to hit 140 last week going into the Christmas festivities.. I was close, but I didn't quite make it. So this week I'm posting 2 in one and I have to say I was more than terrified to step on the scale this morning after the frivolous way I stuffed my face for 4 straight days and drank last night while out for a kidless double date... It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

So, here we are.

Week 7
Starting Weight - 141

Week 8
Starting Weight - 143 (boo! hiss!)

Got to get busy, the birthday trip is set and although I know I won't reach my original goal by my Birthday next week, I'm hoping I'll be there by January 13.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Pillow Talk.

Last night after watching a movie Husband and I headed off to bed. Although very tired from a long day, I felt the need to just flip channels and see what I could fall asleep to. I settled on Conan O Brian. All was quiet, then I had a moment of panic because I was unsure of the date..

Me: What's today?
Husband: The 21st, why?
Me: Oh good, well I have to respond to that "Super Secret Email" by the 23rd or it's null and void. (and no it has nothing to do with a pyramid scheme, details coming soon)
Husband: Oh... What are you waiting for?
Me: All parties to work out the minor details.
Husband: Oh...

::: Silence :::

Me: Does that lead singers eyes look crossed to you?
Husband: ::: silence:::
Me: I should really take a vitamin C, I think I'm getting sick
Husband: I can't really see his eyes.
Husband: Oh yeah his eyes are crossed...

::: Silence :::

Husband: ::: Snore :::

Zexsy, No?

Friday, December 18, 2009

Tigers Wood.

I don't know about you, but I am completely over this scandalous "News" story. Everywhere you turn, Tiger this, Tiger that. I happened to see on a tabloid at the grocery store that even Jessica Simpson was itching to "hit the greens" with Tiger, so to speak.

Who the hell cares? Are we as Americans truly surprised that Tiger Woods can't keep his putter in his pants? More than 50% of all marriages end in divorce. There are statistics all over the board for the actual number of men or women that cheat on their spouse, but with a divorce rate so high, why is everyone so shocked.

Was he some type of Golden Child that I wasn't aware of? The Chosen One from the Fidelity gods?

I just don't get it. A friend said that it seems that it's the sheer number of women. So what? Hookers are coming out of their brothels and lining up around the block to say that they have had "relations" with Tiger, and we believe all of them? And, if people are outraged or appalled because it's 11 different women, I've got news for you, 1, 11 or 111, it's wrong.

I've even heard Dr Drew weighing in on whether or not he's a sex addict. Seriously? A. Sex. Addict? He's a human man. For the love of all that is holy...

Dear Tiger,

You eff'd up man... You're losing your kids, your wife and your sponsors. The PGA will never be the same.

The End.

See how easy that was?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Time Flies When You're Losing Weight

I'm not really sure where last week went, I obviously dropped the ball on the weight loss post, in fact I'm not even sure I weighed last week at all, which seems odd since I'm kind of a scale-a -holic.

I usually weigh several times a week and always before I get in the shower in the morning. Not sure why, maybe because I'm subconsciously obsessed with weight or maybe it's habit since the scale sits right outside the shower door... either way, if I weighed last week I have no recollection, and that made me a little terrified to step on the scale this morning.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that I was down a pound from week 4. I know I'm not pulling great numbers, but the way I look at, it's a loss. It's closer to my goal and quite honestly I don't deserve it.

I haven't worked out regularly, and I eat like shit. The only saving grace now is I don't really eat a lot, sometimes I don't eat at all. Not on purpose, I just get busy, I never thought I would be that person who said, I'm too busy to eat. It's not like I don't think about it, or start to get something for myself, but it seems that I get distracted and the next thing I know it's 2:00 in the afternoon and all I've had is a giant coke. It's not so bad really, my body seems to be adjusting to the starvation quite nicely, and I rather like drinking my calories and not having to give up my non-diet soda in order to lose weight.

This week, I'm trying to get to the gym or work out 3 times... The kids are all sickly so I may have to settle for running the neighborhood, but I'll get something in. I'm pushing for 140 this week. That would be so nice right before Christmas week... Come on 140!!!

Week 6
Starting Weight - 142.5

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Tale of Two Trees.

So. It's Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year, blah blah and all that jazz. My Christmas tree? Looks like ass.

It's the first year that the Munchkin could truly participate in the decorating, she understood it, and she loved it, flat out enjoyed getting her (and her sisters) ornament boxes out and going through each one and carefully choosing which branch to put them on. One branch. All the ornaments on one branch.

The old me would have been over correcting her choices by gently suggesting she spread them out a little, and by gently suggesting I mean completely re-doing the whole tree after she went to bed. The new me? Not so much. My standards have changed and this year I really just don't care.

I knew the twins were going to be a challenge but I also thought after a couple of days they would be bored and move on... Wrong. They are just as enamored over a week later as they were the first time they came down the stairs and saw all the glitz and glamour.

A friend (let's call her Turtle) made what I thought was a great suggestion, put up a little tree, that one can be for the girls and the big one is Mommy's tree, no touching. I gave them their own little corner, a basket full of kid friendly ornaments and it lasted all of about 12 minutes. They pushed the basket around, brought the ornaments over to the big tree and tried to decorate it, they took the ornaments off of the big tree and tried to decorate their tree or would put them in their ornament basket. Needless to say it didn't go according to plan.

Now I have 2 trees that look like ass. Well, one that looks like ass and one that is completely naked and shoved in the corner.

When you come to my house, please don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining... You can skip the niceties about the beauty of my decorations, no hard feelings. I'll get back to my incredibly high standards and lovely decorations one day.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Not Just a Mommy Blog.

As most of you know some friends and I started a blog almost 2 years ago called

We wanted to bring information together for area Moms and have it all wrapped up in one click. Mommies could come to our site and get everything they need. Kid friendly restaurants, local events, basically the who's and what's about town.

Almost 2 years later, we've all gone through our 2nd pregnancies, have put our oldest's in school and finally have some time to devote to growing this little project, and man is it growing! We decided to restructure things a bit and give ourselves an early Christmas present. A head to toe makeover!

With an incredible amount of unique visitors hitting our page monthly and advertisers now, we are so proud of our little "blog" that could.

Take a second to check out our site, it's unique and nothing like anything else in Birmingham. We've taken blogging to a different level and feel that it's going to benefit us and our readers immensely. Let me know what you think. We are so proud of ourselves we just can't help but brag a little..... Ok, a lot!

You can follow us on Twitter @birminghammommy or fan us on Facebook. We would love to have you!

*** It could take up to 24 hours for everyone to see the new site. Mine worked by refreshing the page when the old site loaded first.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Wordless Wednesday! Hardy Har!

** compliments of Loralee's LooneyTunes - thank you!

Monday, December 07, 2009

For the Love of Etsy.

I recently started an Etsy shop. I have lots of ideas for making stuff out of things that would normally land in the trash or recycle bin, just my little contribution to earth and helping reduce my carbon footprint.

Last night, I decided to get to work on my next project - I've been collecting the cans I need for a while and wanted to give them one last scrub down and make sure they were shiny for perspective buyers. In the process of cleaning these bad boys up, I nearly sliced my finger off. No joke.

I was running cold water over it, while I told the husband what I did, he came over and told me to apply pressure and get it out of the water, the only problem is that I'm incredibly squeamish. The thought of having to apply pressure and touching it and the blood and the everything was making me want to pass out. Again, No joke.

I grabbed a wad of paper towels and started applying pressure while my head was becoming oddly light. I was really thinking a trip to the ER for stitches was on the agenda, but the bleeding finally stopped. Husband took a look while I was hanging my head over the arm of the sofa in a state of dizzy confusion... "Luckily" he said, it looks like it cut at an angle and not straight down, so it's not as deep as it could have been...Go me.

Some antiseptic spray, neosporin and 2 Hello Kitty band aids later, it seems to have finally stopped re-opening, causing further light headedness and more states of dizzy confusion.

Needless to say this project is on hold until I can figure out how to package an "upcycled" finger along with the purchase.

Saturday, December 05, 2009


Granted, it was only on the trees and car, but I dare you to tell a 4 year old she can't have fun with a few snow flakes!

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Even Steven.

I actually managed to make it through Thanksgiving without gaining a single pound, and yes, I enjoyed myself, I just didn't over do it like normal. There was need to whip out the maternity pants for this years Thanksgivingpalooza.

My goal for this week was 3 workouts. It's doable.

I'm beginning to notice that when I feel overwhelmed with life "stuff" I tend to put working out on the back burner. This week, I feel like the walls of my house are closing in on me. Laundry has piled up - to wash and to fold. Grocery list a mile long. Jewelry orders to fill from Etsy. Kids to bathe, Facebook to read, Perez Hilton to catch up on.... I get overwhelmed and adding "work out" to the list just about puts me over the edge.

Husband and I have designated this weekend "Reclaim our house" weekend. He's hanging my curtains, and doing some other little Honey Do's, I'm purging kids toys, decorating for Christmas and hopefully making it to the gym for some renewed energy.

Week 4
Starting Weight 143.5

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Glory Be!

My girls slept until 8:45 yesterday morning, 9:15 this morning and it was GLORIOUS!

That's it, just wanted to brag!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Nothing But A Miracle!

Well, it's a good thing I set low expectations for weight loss and working out last week. Without having worked out AT ALL, I managed to drop a 1/2 pound. I probably shouldn't count that and just bank it for this week instead, seeing how it's Wednesday and I haven't been to the gym or worked out once, oh and tonight begins the Thanksgiving Marathon we will be doing. 4 days of food, food and more food.

Being crazy busy has saved me, not only have I not had time to work out, but I don't have a lot of time for eating either. This whole starvation thing seems to be working out quite nicely.

My goal for this week will be simple... Don't gain weight.

I sure picked a fine time to start a weight loss program, don't ya think?

Week 3
Starting Weight 143.5

Saturday, November 21, 2009

$200 Down the Drain.... Well, Almost.

So as you know from my recent post, I was at the theater for the midnight showing of New Moon and the showing of Twilight right before.

In between shows, we got up to stretch, pee, get popcorn and all that jazz. I was headed to the popcorn counter, so I took an order from Madie's Mom on my way out and slipped my phone into my back pocket so I could call her when I forget what she wanted. (which I did, by the time I got to the bathroom.) Since we all know it's better to pee before getting your food, we headed to the bathroom first.

Not a huge crowd considering, I picked a stall that was clean and without any type of backup in the toilet (thank god.) As I pulled my pants down I heard a splash, and in what took me all of about 1.3 seconds, I gasped, realized what splashed, turned to see my 10 month old iphone swimming for it's life in this public toilet and I reached down to save it without a second thought.

In case you missed that.... I stuck my hand in a public toilet.

I always said if I ever dropped my phone in a toilet that would be it's final resting place, I cannot believe I stuck my hand in the toilet for this phone. In that 1.3 seconds, I thought maybe, just maybe I could get it in time. I dropped my t-mobile phone in water several times before it finally died, surly this nice expensive iphone would fair much better in a quick dip, right? Like it's so expensive you would expect some type of little floatation device to pop out, maybe someone should invent an app for that.. I'm just sayin'

I couldn't have been more wrong. There was not floatation device, there was no fast enough.

The screen flashed off and on while I pee'd and prayed to the cell phone gods to make it ok. I came out of the stall saying some awful 4 letter words, I washed the cover with soap and water, wiped the phone down and proceeded to violently shake the toilet water from it, not caring who was getting splashed. (Sorry about that Random Mommy.)

I was thinking maybe just maybe it would dry out, but it only lit up with this scary little red light I had never seen before.. Not good. It should have just been a sad Mac.

In the end, I had to take it to the Dork Desk at the Apple store where they happily sold me a replacement for $199.99.

Husband = So Not Happy.
Me = Not getting a Christmas Present.

Slapping Beaver and The G Hat

Sounds like it could be a band doesn't it? It's actually 2 mysteries from the Twilight movie that elude me.

For anyone out there that considers themselves an expert on the Twilight series, please let me know your findings or knowledge.

When Bella is looking for a bookstore, she scrolls down her computer screen and passes a book called The Slapping Beaver by Patty Sanchez. I've googled it, I can't figure it out. I'm guessing maybe it's just one of those movie things. It bugs me to not know for sure.

The other mystery we were wondering about again during the movie the other night is why does Rosalie have a "G" on her baseball hat? Not a "C" .... It really should be a "C" What is the connection?

I need answers.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Night and Day, Apples to Oranges.

I just got home from seeing the Midnight Premiere of New Moon.... Holy Shite Man!

If you plan to see the movie, you may want to tune away and come back after you've seen it and give me your thoughts. I'll try not to ruin anything, of course you've most likely read the books and know the story so it's not that big of a surprise.

I loved loved loved this movie. It was as good as Twilight was bad. Yeah, I know I saw it somewhere between 20-30 times in theater and who knows how many times I watched it illegally online and on DVD, but let's face it, it was bad, and seeing it back to back with this movie? Oy Vey!

Jailbait Lautner did a remarkable job with Jacob... Remarkable. He sucked me in and for just a little while, I forgot about Edward. *Gasp* And just wait until you see what I like to refer to as "The Big Reveal" - boy is ripped and he knows how to work it.

It was funny, it was supposed to be.

The makeup was 1000 times better, Jasper looked like a 70's porn star, but was a non issue since he had maybe 1 line in the movie after the birthday scene.

It seemed that Chris Weitz was able to reign Kristen Stewart in with the batting of the eyelashes and the stuttering and weird mouth movements, she made me like her.... a lot.

The effects were facking amazing. It had a very Golden Compass feel, the special effects did not disappoint. The Wolves, the Volturi, SO. GOOD.

They stayed so true to the book that you could quote the lines that were coming next without having ever seen it.... The parts where it strayed a little were subtle and good.

I loved this movie, and I have hyped it up enough now that it's going to let some of you down, but really, the movie, was like a real movie. It wasn't cheesy.

I'm so glad I was able to share this night with my besties. Mommapeas even drove from Chi-town to be here with us, just like last year. The night was perfect..... except for the part where my phone fell in the toilet and won't work, but that's a post for another hour!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Don't Make Me Write You a Letter!

It's been a really really long day. I left the house this morning before 7:30am, didn't get home until after 2:00, then left again tonight to wrap up some work with The Market and the Junior League. As I was leaving our meeting, it dawned on me that I never actually ate dinner. We had some chicken roll ups at Zoe's at about 11:00am this morning while we were waiting on our flyers to be printed. It was 9:00pm and I was starving.

I decided to hit up the Burger King because of their New Moon Promotion quality burgers. I got to the drive through and decided on the Value Meal, BK Burger Shots. 32 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 1290 milligrams of sodium, sure to clog my arteries, and a New Moon Collectors cup... Can we say "Fanatic?" Yes we can. I ordered the 6 mini burgers that I didn't need, and upgraded my drink to the size of Lake Michigan all for the love of New Moon.

I pulled around to the window and could see my massive drink sitting on the counter. Not in a New Moon cup. In that instant I had to make a decision, play it cool and let it go, or make an idiot out of myself and ask why I didn't get a collectors cup... I paid, she gave me my change and as she handed me my colossal size soda, I did it, I asked why I wasn't getting the New Moon Collectors cup.

The girl explained that they had already sold out and apologized profusely. I was devastated, and then? A little peeved. I spent $8.00 on a facking meal I wouldn't normally have ordered, and a drink bigger than my head, all to get something they were out of and didn't bother to mention until I brought it up at the window after I had paid.

Me = Not Happy. Me = Too embarrassed about my excessive fan-ness to say another word.

I drove away sulking, wishing I would have thought to ask for a rain check or a crown.

Wordless Wednesday - Eye Candy!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Progress Report, Week 2.

I'm starting this week off 2 pounds lighter than last week. It's not Biggest Loser numbers but a loss is a loss, and I'll take it.

I was able to get in 5 workouts last week, 3 runs and 2 Pilates classes. I didn't eat really well (thank you limited edition white fudge oreos) but I didn't eat really bad either. Sodas are my crutch. I crave Coke. Screw the Diet stuff, I'd rather not have anything than have a Diet something. I will drink Coke Zero, but it's just not the same. I heart Coke.

My goal this week is to eat better, eat less and cut back on the Sodas. So far I've only had one since Saturday night. (Yay Me! It's the little wins here, give me a break)

Our site has had an incredible opportunity dropped in our lap and we have had less than a week to prepare, so it's Tuesday and I haven't been to the gym once. I'm shooting for 3 workouts this week. 2 Cardio and 1 Pilates. I did happen to go up the stairs about 4 dozen times yesterday carrying one or both twinlets like sacks of potatoes under my arms, that counts for something right?

Week 2
Starting Weight - 144

Monday, November 16, 2009

Dear Gas Stations That Suck:

I am a very busy mom of 3. Fueling my car is one of those things I like to refer to as my Achilles heel. I hate it. I loathe it. It is the bane of my existence. When at all possible I try to time the refilling of my tank to a time when I know my husband will be driving my car.

I don't think my problem comes from actually pumping gas, although I hate having my hands smell when I'm done, mostly it stems from your shitty ass stations with pumps that never work correctly.

As I mentioned above, I am a busy mom with 3 kids. When I stop to pump gas, I like to multi-task. This is my one and only chance to actually clean the 3 week old pancakes up off the floorboard, or throw away the straw wrappers and fallen french fries. The fact that your little trigger thingy on the pump handle never seems to actually work, means that I have to stand there and hold the handle down myself, thus rendering me unable to multi task.

While we are talking about me having to stand there, if your handles are going to be broken the least you could do is have pump that can fuel my car in less than 35 minutes. Slow pumps suck and will typically cost you money because I will put just enough in my tank to drive me to the next gas station. Trust me. I've done it.

When I choose to pay at the pump because I have a sea of offspring in my back seat, it also means that I would like my receipt at the pump. What good is it for me to pay at the pump if I have to come in to get my receipt? I will not get out of the car and haul all 3 children into your store just for and effing' receipt. Keep it...

Not getting my receipt leads to me forgetting to account for the $50 I just spent at your establishment, costing me a lecture from husband about how I forgot to tell him how much I spent so he can balance our account. Not something I need, thankyouverymuch.

So, if you would please take into consideration my complaints, it would be greatly appreciated, and if you don't mind, please keep the part about me leaving my car empty for the husband to deal with to yourself.


I'm a Mom!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

He's Brooding, He's Sexy...

He's chillin' with our kids at the Auto Show..
Husband and Random Daddy took the kids to the Auto Show today and look who they ran into! I love that they thought to take this picture, and I love how the kids are thoroughly enjoying standing with this faux Edward...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Twi-Hards Unite!

Are you a true Twilight fan? I mean like a real true fan? If you can without a doubt answer yes, no make that Hells Yes! to that question, then you need to check out the most awesome giveaway going on over at!! I can't win because I'm a contributor, but you aren't, so enter now!!

While you're there make sure to follow us on twitter (@birminghammommy) and fan us on Facebook. Lots of great information and more prizes coming soon!!

Me and the Besties (and contributors) with Pfach... Did I mention we have an autographed picture of him in the giveaway??? We do!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Why I Wet Their Heads...

In a previous post I promised a picture of the twinlets bed head as proof and reason for wetting their hair before leaving the house.

I present:

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

I rest my case.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Weekend of Wellness goes Horribly Wrong!

We got through October, probably our busiest month of the year. Birthday, football, festivals, Halloween, Pumpkin patches, just busy busy busy.

We were so excited when we looked at the calendar and realized that for the next couple of weekends we had nothing planned. Nothing, nada, zip. I thought it would be a great time for everyone to rest up and hopefully put these nagging coughs and snotty noses behind us.

This morning about 4am, the Munchkin came downstairs saying she was going to throw up. She was standing on the landing, crying. I was stumbling around trying to remember where and who I was when the words "throw up" registered and sent me running for the nearest bowl or trash can I could find.

I got her settled and realized that she was shivering so hard her teeth were chattering. Her fever was 103 and she was complaining that her back hurt. I started putting 2 and 2 together and that, combined with her having some bathroom mishaps over the weekend made me afraid she had some type of infection.

Fast forward to 11am and us sitting in the sick waiting room. I wanted so bad to sign in and walk right back out and have them page me when our name was called... A La Outback or Chili's. It took all of the courage I had to step into that sick waiting room. It was like a Third world Country in there. Kids in masks, to either cover the germs when they coughed or to catch the lung they were coughing up... still not sure.

The Kid next to us had been out of school for a week and half already, one was in the bathroom vomiting and one near us looked like he was about to. It was bad! Really bad.

We finally got called and after a quick look see, everything appeared clear. He checked her blood count, it was high and he diagnosed a bacterial infection. Most likely urinary. Nice! I sat in that contamination room for almost an hour with a kid who couldn't even give back to those around us. Not fair.

So, she was given her first round of antibiotics (ever by the way) and with no fever, we are hoping she will be good to go in no time. Otherwise my weekend of Wellness is going to turn into my Week of Hellness.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Putting It All Out There.

I turn 35 in 2 short months. I am determined to get my ass in gear, lose the last bit of baby weight I've been carrying from my first pregnancy and get myself in better shape all around.

Before I got knocked up with the Munchkin, I hired a personal trainer. I was a fatty. Knocking on 170 pounds. I'm 5'7" and an equal opportunity gainer. I always gain all over - my arms, legs, face, ass, it goes on evenly without discrimination.

When I stepped on the scale for the first time in front of my trainer I weighed 168 pounds. I was mortified. That was the end of October 2004. By mid January, 2005, I weighed 134 pounds and was pregnant. I know, lose all of that weight to gain it back, but that was the plan.

I knew getting pregnant and adding 30 plus pounds to that staggering 168 was out of the question. My plan was to get in shape, get pregnant and hopefully lose the baby weight faster in the end. I worked out with my trainer through my entire pregnancy and did spin class until my belly hit the handle bars. I was healthy and I felt good.

I never lost all of the Munchkin baby weight but I was close. The twins were so early I only gained about 39 pounds. I still sit needing to lose 12 pounds to get back to my pre Munchkin weight... Do you like how I just told you how much I weigh without telling you how much I weigh? I can't believe I'm putting this out there for the world to see, but I need accountability.

My goal is to be to 134 or less before January 6, 2010. We have an awesome Birthday trip planned and its going to require a swimsuit. I don't want to always look back at pictures and think, man, I wish I could have worn a 2 piece on that trip or that's a great picture except needing to crop out the cellulite on my thighs...

I know, I know be happy with who you are no matter your size.... blah blah. There are people that say that, then go and get liposuction and nose jobs. I've got news for you, that doesn't count as you having a great self image.

I'm pretty happy with myself. I just don't feel good. I don't have the energy I need to keep up with 3 very active kiddos, and all of that comes with me being in shape, and yes, I'm a bit shallow and just want to look good. Sue me.

My goal this week is to be in the gym 4-6 times.. alternating between Cardio and Pilates. I'm working my Couch to 5k program from the miserable beginning. I hate to run, but for me, nothing drops pounds like running.

It's Sunday and I've spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Kicking the week off on the right foot. Tomorrow will be the challenge as I will have all 3 girls with me and I weigh the options of them getting swine flu in the nursery or Momma getting skinny with the Advanced Power Yoga...... Decisions, Decisions.

Week 1
Starting weight. 146

Friday, November 06, 2009

Interview with a Munchkin.

I love the school that Munchkin attends. It's more than a MDO program and it's not church affiliated. It's super hard to find one of those in this area, but we did. It's not a super structured program, it builds more on their aristic and creative skills. They learn through play. It's kind of an extension of home. Love, love, love it.

I've heard about this one project that this specific class does each year and I was looking forward to the Munchkin bringing hers home. It's an "all about me" book that they put together. On the front is a self portrait, inside a cut out of the family, a picture of their home, a hand print that says "This is the hand you used to hold, when I was only four years old." There is a picture of her current class and the most interesting interview ever!

I thought I would share. I must admit when I read the first question I was a little concerned that she would have ratted me our for playing on Facebook all day!

What does Mommy do while you're at school?

She's playing with my baby sisters. She's playing tag.

What does your daddy do while you're at school?

He works. He plays games at work. He plays bowling.

What does Mary Kate do while you're at school?

She plays with Ashley. They go in the toy basket.
** not because I put them there

What does Ashley do while you're at school?

Ashley plays with Mary Kate. They play with the toys and dump them out.

What do you like best about school?

Playing dress up. I like the blue Cinderella dress

Who do you like to play with at school?

"Buddha" We play in the outside house.
** Random Mommy's son, "Buddha" answered Munchkin on this question. Only he said they play cars inside

What's your favorite thing to do with Mommy?

We go to the gym. We play in the castle

What's your favorite thing to do with Daddy?

We play in our house. We play tag and hide and seek.

What's your favorite thing to do with Mary Kate?

We sit down and watch Barney. Caillou, too.

What's your favorite thing to do with Ashley?

Watch cartoons. Caillou is her favorite.

What's your favorite thing to do at home?

Play tag outside with Mary Kate and Ashley.

What is your favorite food that Mommy fixes you?

Peanut butter sandwich with fluff and jelly.
** not all together!

What is your favorite thing that Daddy fixes you?

Stick Cheese. It's so good and it's white.

What is your favorite food to eat?


Wednesday, November 04, 2009


What happened to it? In the past year me and my friends have been targets of weird, childish behavior. I guess in some cases you could even call it mild criminal behavior. I've been threatened, my computer has been hacked and now personal property of mine as been damaged.... While many people will look at all of these things as lashing out and "innocent" fun at our expense, I look at it as more.

Even in the last couple of weeks I have been previe to some things that just make me question people as a whole. I guess I always assume that the majority of people try to do the right thing, and to treat people the right way, that's what I do. That's what I'm trying to teach my children. I fail a lot but I try. Over and over again people prove me wrong. People dissappoint me.

My four year old (who is smarter than the average bear) overheard the conversation I was having with husband regarding the vandalism. She understood what I was telling him, mostly because she helped make the property that was messed up. She asked who and why? Then I was faced with having to explain to my CHILD that there are people in this world that don't make good choices. They do things to try and hurt other people and it's wrong. Some people like to make other people feel bad and sometimes adults act like children.

I'm not a Mensa, but I do consider myself to be fairly intelligent, and having 3 kids has schooled me in childish behavior so I think I can recognize that when thrown at me. What I don't understand is how these "adults" plan to raise their children to be good people, when they themselves are not. It's a terrible, vicious cycle.

When you threaten people, when you destroy their property or say horrible horrible things to them, what exactly are you trying to accomplish? Building yourself up to make others feel bad? Didn't we do that in grammar school? Haven't we all learned that those are classic signs of one's own insecurity?

Maybe they missed that memo.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Monday, November 02, 2009

Halloween Hangover

As I mentioned in my last post, thanks to Oma, we were able to get out on Friday night for a little Costume Party Date Night. It was so fun to see all of the costumes people come up with.. Here are some of the pics.

Random Mommy and I dressed as waitresses from Merlotte's, if you don't get it, it's because your don't watch True Blood... and you should.

Husband dressed as the Worlds Biggest NKOTB fan with Random Daddy and his D*ck in a box.

Other random characters from the party..

Me with Hannibal and "C" our hostess.

One of my favorites at the party was "Storm" I didn't manage to get a picture of her, but she was awesome...

And now for my most favorite costume of all of our friends this year and he pulled it off amazingly... From one of my favorite movies, the funniest one I've ever seen... "G" dressed as Alan from "The Hangover" Complete with baby.


Sunday, November 01, 2009

Halloween, Halloween, Trick or Treat!

Am I the only one with that blasted Dora the Explorer song stuck in her head?

We had a great Halloween, as usual. We managed to get out for a little "sans kids" time and hit a Costume party on Friday night which led to a more subdued and chilled out trick or treating night with all of the kids. We were just a teeny bit hungover and tried as we might, none of our bodies were accepting the alcohol we were trying to consume on night two..

Here are our little hoodlums....

Garden Gnomes and Cinderella

Not all my hoodlums, but might as well be....

Trick or Treating....

Hope you had a Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Kentucky, A Trilogy. Final Chapter

As my sisters cat "Sally" tried to snuggle up in our face around 4am, it dawned on me that "cough due to cold" was not what we were dealing with. I'm not sure why I didn't figure it out sooner, I had been coughing and sneezing since we got to my sisters.... I have had a cat allergy all my life and I honestly think I'm allergic to most pet dander, I think my children have inherited this curse.

I decided to pick up some Benadryl, also not supposed to give to children under the age of 2, so I googled it, and found a site that said I could dose her based on her weight 1/4 teaspoon, every 4 - 6 hours. My Doctor probably wouldn't be happy about my decision, but guess what? It worked. Like a Mother Freakin' Charm.

The girls went to bed and didn't peep until after 5am Sunday morning. No coughing, no sneezing nothing. I even took an adult Benadryl before I went to sleep and it was the best night of sleep we had the entire time we were there, and I mean drool on the pillow good night sleep.

Ahhhh, Benadryl.

So that concludes the minute details of our trip. We really had a fantastic time and if you ever have the chance to watch the horses run at Keeneland, you should go. It's a beautiful area, especially when all of the leaves are changing.

*Yawn* I know... Nothing worse than a blogger who feels the need to give you the run down of everything tiny little thing that happens, right? Well, at least I didn't talk about poop! Thanks for reading, I'll be more creative this week, I promise!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Kenctucky, A Trilogy, Part 2.

So after trying to buy our hosts forgiveness with pizza, we decided to drive around and show Husband the town. We had plans to hit the orchard and pumpkin patch but the weather was rainy and cold so we stayed sheltered.

On the way home we stopped by a drug store so I could pick up some cough medicine for "Ashley." I didn't think it was going to be a big deal, get some cough meds, everyone gets sleep. Oh, how wrong I was! Have you tried to purchase OTC meds for children under the age of 2 lately? You can't. I'm guessing with all of the recalls lately, it's forced these companies to change their policies, many had blurbs about "New Directions and Warnings Information." It freaked me out and I decided to put a call into the Dr, who flat out said they wouldn't recommend anything OTC. I would have to bring her in.

That's all fine and good except that I'm in Kentucky. She doesn't have a fever, she's not acting funny or really even coughing during the day - we all just want to get some sleep while we're here,
I say.

She tells me all of the usual, elevate her head, cool mist humidifier, and said she would check with the Dr and call me back. She did, and recommended Mucinex.

All of this was going on while my sister and I were headed north to Cincinnati to do a little shopping at IKEA, on the way home we picked up the Mucinex and gave it a try at bedtime.

It worked. For 2 hours. I could dose her every 4-6. So, really? It didn't help.

At midnight, I went and got her, took her to the living room and that is where she and I stayed (awake) until she literally fell face first into my lap because she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore, that was a little after 3am. We slept on the sofa until about 5am, when I decided to dose her and stick her back in the pack n play before "Mary Kate" woke up and realized she was gone. It didn't work. She freaked and we ended up back in our room trying to be quiet. Finally the meds kicked in and I was able to put her down. It was after 6am.

It's a good thing I'm highly functioning while sleep deprived.

What will happen? Will the family finally get some rest? Stay tuned for the final chapter to this riveting trilogy!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Kentucky, A Trilogy.

Part One:

We headed north for a long weekend to visit with my sister who lives in Lexington. We decided to go this month because the horses are running at Keeneland and husband had never been up there. I thought the promise of gambling and alcohol would be icing on the cake in talking him into a 6 hour car ride with the girls. It worked.

We arrived right at dinner time, sister had dinner ready and we enjoyed a low key evening hanging out at the house.

My sisters house is great, there are 2 guest rooms so it works out that the twins can have their own room, while the Munchkin sleeps with us in the other. The only problem is, that the walls are paper thin. Each room shares a wall with the master bedroom so you really can't sneeze or fart without everyone hearing you. Normally not a problem... until you have a twin that develops a nagging, persistent cough at about midnight.

Husband nudged me, I acknowledged that I was awake and listening, willing her to stop. Brother in Law had to work on Friday so being up all night with a coughing baby wasn't something I wanted to throw at him... But I had a dilemma. "Ashley" was coughing. "Mary Kate" was sound asleep, in the same room. So I sat there, weighing my options...and did I mention, willing her to stop.....

*Cough Cough*

Please stop coughing, please stop coughing. I could go get her, but then what? I don't have anything to make her stop coughing

*Cough Cough*

Please, Oh please.. Come on Mommy Jedi Powers, work damn it, silence the child


Phew, thank goodness

*Cough Cough*

Crap! If I attempt to retrieve her, I could wake "Mary Kate" then that could be REALLY bad, what to do, what to do

That continued for about 20 minutes. I continued to wait her out, and she settled back down only to start back up around 3:15am. I finally went in to get her and brought her back in the room with us, where she was a live wire, refusing to sleep, only wanting to play. I decided to just go for it and finally put her back down. She went almost willingly with only a little whimpering. I think she had figured out how to make herself cough at one point, which was a little annoying but she finally went back to sleep.

Brother in Law left for work before we were up, so we weren't able to apologize profusely to him until lunch when we bought pizza for everyone as our way of making peace.

What a way to say "We're here, thanks for having us!!!"

To be continued.....

Friday, October 23, 2009

I'm an Old Persons Nightmare.

The place I take the Twinlets to "tumble" is in a building that also happens to house the Senior Citizens Center. On one hand you think great, old people love babies, it brightens their day, and for us, it's a double dose. On the other, they are crotchety and have no censors.

We've been doing these classes for 5 or 6 weeks, and the old people that sit at the door have come to know us....

"Here come the Twins"
"Make room for this lady and her stroller"
"Different color bows today"

Some even know the girls by name. (Although quick to point out that their names don't match like most twins do) They want to touch, and coo and wave, and have them wave back, they tell me stories of how they always wanted to have twins, to be a twin or how they have even lost their twin. I smile, I listen and for the most part, I thoroughly enjoy making them smile and hearing their stories.

Something I have learned, even from when the Munchkin was a baby, is that Old People like to see a baby that is bundled. They don't want to see toes, or an uncovered head and for the love of Pete, they better have on a coat if it's less than 65 degrees outside. This week, the old people turned on me.

Instead of the copious amounts of attention and love they typically shed on the girls, today it was directed at me, and it wasn't love. For you see, 2 pair of socks, and 2 pair of shoes (and bows, and face wipes and....... ) when leaving the house is just not in the cards. I stick them in the diaper bag and sock and shoe (and hair bow and face wipe) appropriately when we reach our destination, except for our tumble class. We get out of the car, we go straight into the building where we proceed to remove socks and shoes. Why bother?

This week, it really wasn't that cold outside. A little on the cool side, but not cold. But when you couple 4 bare feet, with 2 damp heads (they have crazy curls, I'll take a picture and show you why we can't leave the house with bed head) you open yourself up to a plethora of criticism, including my favorite, you've all heard it....

"Those girls are going to catch a death of a cold...."

I smiled, and I tried to be polite until the 3rd person decided to make mention about those "cold little toes." I politely explained to the lady that we already have the swine flu, and I didn't think bare toes and a wet head would make that much of a difference anymore.

Five bucks says that lady will be wearing a mask and avoiding my kids next week.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Happy Halloween

My Aunt put this together and facebooked it over to me yesterday, and we have been laughing hysterically.. It's my Mom and Dad (Oma and Pop) with the girls. I have to say sweet little Mary Kate makes a very cute Vampire!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Monday, October 19, 2009

No Soup for You!

I could have labeled this post with so many titles.....

  • Should have made Chili Blanco
  • The Great Loaded Potato Soup Debacle of 09'
  • Reason number 6,376 not to cook dinner while kids are still up
I was making out my weekly menu, and planning my shopping list when the thought hit me that I had not had potato soup in a long time, the weather is cool and it just sounded so good. I pulled out my recipe books and found one that looked easy and didn't take hours to cook.

We've fallen into a habit of waiting until the twinlets are in bed before we cook and eat, usually around 7:30 each night. Last night, everyone was being good, the recipe said it took 15 minutes to prepare and 15-20 minutes to simmer and to let all of the cheesy goodness come together. I thought that sounded great, I'll get it all together, let it simmer while I read bedtime stories and by the time I'm done, I'll have a hot bowl of soup waiting on me. Let me just say, this was about 6:45pm.

Whoever wrote that recipe must be an expert potato peeler or maybe they don't have 3 kids, either way, it took me way more than 15 minutes to peel, wash and cube up 8 potatoes, and cook them in the microwave. My "kids are being good" window was rapidly closing as I was cussing the person who wrote this recipe. The Munchkin came in whining about wanting scrambled eggs, I explained that we were having soup, not eggs. Trying to concentrate on whisking my butter and flour then slowly add my milk.... Hoping I don't scorch anything.

Things were going good, but it was taking longer than I expected and was requiring more attention than I really had to give. I heard a thump, followed by a cry. I stepped over the Munchkin who was wallowing around my feet, still begging for eggs, and ran to the living room to see the twinlets in a wrestling match over a doodle pad. I sent the wrestlers to their corners and ran back to my soup just as it was boiling over onto my cooktop. I screamed something that sounded like a "arrugerrrhh" loud enough to send the wallowing, egg girl scurrying from the kitchen.

That's it. Soups done. Dinner for last night, and the leftovers I had planned were ruined, not to mention the sight of my cooktop, that I thought was going to have to be replaced. (See Exhibit A.)

I was pissed, I was hungry, and by the time I got it to a manageable state, it was after 8:30. My kids were all still up, the twinlets 1 hour past their bedtime and they were grouchy. I texted the husband, "there will be no soup." He kindly stopped by McDonalds to save the day and refrained from asking too many questions. Smart man.

Then all I could think of was how I would have terribly disappointed My Culinary Crush, Tom Colliccho.

It would have gone something like this.

An utter disappointment. Did you even bother to taste your dish? Were you happy with the outcome? It wasn't seasoned, the potatoes were undercooked, and it lacked originality.

Please pack your Soup Spoon and go.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I Have a Farm, So What?

As I sit here watching football and playing on the computer, the Husband leans over and starts asking questions about my habit of playing on my Fake Farm on Facebook. He says he doesn't get it, I told him I wasn't asking him to.

Him: What's that, what's it doing?
Me: It's plowing so I can plant something

Him: What are you planting?
Me: Onions.

Him: This is stupid
Me: So?

Him: There is no such thing as a Professional Fake Farm Towner
Me: So, there is no such thing as a professional twitterer either and you do that.... all day, Mr Funny pants. Go make me a coke.

Him: No, you wouldn't get me a beer...
Me: Because you FARTED on me...

Him: I didn't fart ON you....

What were we talking about?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Short and Long of it...

I've been growing my hair out for a while and amazingly haven't gotten bored with it yet. It's very surprising that I've gone this long without the urge to chop it all off. I don't have attachment issues like a lot of people I know, my thought is, eh, it will grow back.

While in line at the grocery store, I saw the new issue of Marie Claire and just like that, I'm jonesing for a short cut like the gorgeous Hilary Swank...

What to do, what to do?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Fuel to the Fire

Here, I give reasons number 4,989 and 4,990 as to why I harbor ill feelings towards 99% of all Alabama fans.

On Saturday I threw on an Auburn hat and shirt and hit the grocery store to get some things for the Munchkins Birthday party. While unloading my cart, I turned to grab the sodas when an obnoxious man in head to toe crimson said to me.... "Well, Well, Roll Tide Roll..." (please insert you're own red neck voice here) After looking at him for a second with a "What the Fack" expression on my face and doing my best to not hiss at him, I managed to give him a "Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty" right back and was thankful that although only a shell of my former football self, I did happen to know who they were playing and the appropriate team cheer.

* please note, I was only wearing my team, I was not discussing it with anyone. I was just a frazzled mom of 3 trying to get through the grocery line with birthday supplies when I was so rudely assaulted.

Last night, while picking up some chips for "Taco Tuesday," I again was wearing my Auburn hat. (It's been rainy and humid and my hats are in heavy rotation these days.) While in the chip aisle, a man walked by and said "Wow, I gotta give it to you, you're brave to wear that hat in public" again, there was a "What the Fack" expression on my face as I stared at his UAT t-shirt. I looked at him in disbelief thinking, You have got to be joking??? We've lost one game, just one. I'm sure there are more coming but I will continue to wear my colors because, excuse the pun, that's how I roll.

We don't bail on our team after one loss, and given that fact that we didn't expect to even be 5-0 going into this past weekend, I'm pretty effing proud of our team. So why don't you just crawl back under your ugly ass houndstooth hat and bite me.

** please also note that I did not list stupidity as a reason in this post, as it ranks somewhere around number one.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Princesses, Princesses Everywhere!

The Munchkin turned 4 on Tuesday and the theme for this year is anything and everything to do with Princesses. Her gifts were centered around Cinderella and thanks to Disney's impeccable timing, Snow White.

I have to say we are looking like the best parents in the world right now. She has been carrying her new Snow White doll everywhere, and has even taken some artistic liberties with the Dwarfs (Little Peoples?) real names.

They shall henceforth be known as....

Snow White and the Seven "Doors"

"Dobie" ( it sounds like Toby, her imaginary older brother. Because I don't have enough kids!)
"Shy" (not bashful)
"Angry" (grumpy doesn't quite do him justice evidently)

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Monday, October 05, 2009

On the "Up and Up"

Let me just start by saying that this is in no way a paid advertisement, just something that I have come across and absolutely love, so I thought I would share. If however Target wanted to throw some product my way, I wouldn't turn it down.

I'm pretty much a marketers dream. I love cool, packaging and right before we left to go the beach in August, I was shopping at Target and noticed all of the "Up and Up" products littered throughout their store. I picked up a couple of things, but didn't put much thought into it, the packaging was cool and it was inexpensive.

Recently I got a mailer from Target, full of coupons for the new brand. I went out on a limb and bought a few things I wouldn't normally buy generic. For one, diapers. The box I purchased was $13.99 for 82 diapers. The comparative for Pampers was $18.99 for I want to say 68 in quantity. I absolutely love these, they don't leak and they seem stretchy enough to be comfortable for the twinlets. I had a coupon for $1.50 off, so for $12.49 I felt like I got a deal... Even without the coupon I would have been happy.

Secondly I bought the "Up and Up" laundry soap. 64 loads for $7.99 plus the coupon I had for $1.00 or $1.50 made it more than $3.oo cheaper than the Tide that I normally buy that washes less loads for $10.99. I will say that the clothes don't seem to be quite as soft but I don't think I would have really noticed if I weren't actively looking for something to be wrong with soap. I bought the Free and Clear and we haven't had any trouble with allergies or skin reactions.

This week I have added the garbage bags to my inventory and another size ziploc. All and all, the Up and Up, is on the Up and Up... I love it and love saving the money, you can imagine how a few dollars difference on something like diapers can quickly add up when you factor in twice the poop and pee we have around here.

If you have been wondering, consider this a testimonial and try a few things when you get a chance. If there is something you are already using that you like, drop me a line, I'd love to hear about it!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Prom 2009

We went to a wedding last weekend and had a great time hanging out with some friends and catching up. R. noticed that the lighted archway would be a great place to take some faux prom pictures, it was hysterical. (or maybe it was because of the open bar..... )

I must note that the "Twitard" in me had a hard time resisting the urge to go dance with my non vampire husband in the gazebo that's in the background. The floor did not rotate, but I bet I could have talked him into biting me!!

Friday, October 02, 2009

The Craziest Thing.

At bedtime last night I was frantically searching for "Ashley's" pacy. I would say for the better part of the last 9 months it's been strictly used for nighttime or naptime so it's always in her bed or on the floor somewhere around her bed.

I couldn't find it anywhere. I even sent the Munchkin on a reconnaissance mission under the crib, no luck. I decided at that moment, What the hell? Let's give it a try. I gave her a little blanket and a stuffed animal, she looked at me like she was waiting for more, I gave her a kiss and made a quiet exit and then........ Nothing. She went to sleep. No screaming, no crying. Nothing. They both talked for a little while like they always do but other than that, nada.

Not only did she go to sleep without a fuss, she didn't peep ALL NIGHT! That is a rarity. They even slept until 8:00, lately they've been getting up around 7:00. What's up with that?

My theory is that since she didn't have a pacy to lose during the middle of the night, she didn't wake up looking for it, thus no crying... It's either that or somehow I have cashed in some karma points I didn't know I had. Either way, I'm a happy Momma!

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Love Thy Neighbor.

We have great neighbors, I can't complain at all. Some are a little quirky, like "Cat House" across the street, and "Kentucky Bitch" who after over a year, finally came out of her shell and came over to talk rather than give me the stink eye from the mailbox. The "Bama Pharmacist" and his wife are super nice, "OCD Jeff Lewis" we never see unless he's being OCD in the yard or with the cleanliness of his car, but our favorite by far have to be the ones we refer to as "The Mayor" and his wife. They have lived here for longer than I've been alive, they have kids our age and grand kids that match the ages of our girls. They love our kids and our kids love them.

The other day while taking the Munchkin out with me to get the mail, they were out working in the yard, the Munchkin went over to talk and play while I talked to the wife, Ms. T. She said she had missed seeing us, that between us having all been on vacation, she felt like it had been forever since she had seen the girls. In mid conversation, she looked at me and said " Do you know who you remind me of?" I immediately joked and said "Please don't say Kate Gosselin." She started laughing and said, "that's exactly who you remind me of.. not so much because of all the kids, but because you resemble her, you're both just so cute."

Well, that's different. I don't really know how I feel about that. I also don't really see the resemblance. She has a reverse mullet, I definitely do not. She has Blonde hair, I have brown. She's had lipo in order to be skinny, me, not so much.

The more I thought about it, the more I think she just made up the cute part, all the while trying to figure out how to politely tell me that it's really all of the screaming and yelling that comes from our house. Because that? I'll buy.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

And I'm not talking about Christmas. Although I noticed today that stores are already forcing that holiday down our throats, putting it side by side with the gorey Halloween decorations, it's quite the contrast if I do say so myself.

I'm talking about fall. Long sleeve, jean wearing, open the windows in the house and car, fall. It's my absolute favorite time of year. There is just a feeling in the air, football is in full swing, and we start digging out the crockpot for those soups and chilis we've been waiting for for 9 months.

My mission for this fall is "Operation Wear the kids the Eff Out." Everyday that the weather is nice, if you want to find us, we will be somewhere, outside, burning off energy and getting some of that fresh air that seems to be a sleepy drug for my kids. If only I could bottle it and give it to them right before naps and bedtime I'd be one happy Mommy, and rich to boot.

Happy Fall Ya'll

Friday, September 25, 2009

Greeks Rock!

I'm admittedly not a very religious person, but if I was looking for a church, I would choose one that serves beer in their parking deck like the Greek Church throwing the Food Festival downtown this weekend.

I loaded up with a few of this towns hottest hookers last night and we made a night out of it. I'm not a huge fan of Greek food, I love a good salad or the Greek style chicken but you have to give mad props to a church that will open up their doors and serve some alcohol. I had to go and check it out.

They had some booths set up selling all kinds of Greek Garb and they were giving tours of the church, while I didn't tour the church, I did however have to be coerced into walking through the church with a beer in my hand. NLD said it was fine and other people were doing it, but it just felt wrong... Can you tell I grew up in the south?

We headed to a local bar, ate some really bad for you fried appetizers, listened to music that was so loud we couldn't really talk to each other and had a great time!

Opa! You bitches!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dear Mother Nature (god of rain)

On behalf of all Birminghamians we would like to thank you for the abundant amount of rain you have tortured blessed us with over the past week. I feel sure that we are well over our quota and above all averages for this time of year and will most likely be set for the next couple of decades months.

While we graciously accept this "gift" of rain, we would like to respectfully decline the opportunity for more. We're good. All set here.

My back yard, once so beautifully landscaped with new sod, could now host the next Mud Bowl Championship. My hair, frizzy on a good day, would like the opportunity to not be worn in a ponytail any longer.

Having a rule of not leaving the house in the rain with all 3 kids has made life quite difficult. We are running out of toilet paper and since we recycle our magazines there soon will be nothing left to wipe with.

My kids would really enjoy getting out to play in our once beautifully landscaped back yard rather than having to play out front on the driveway (between rain showers.) Our unsteady little twinlets continue to scrape their knees and hands due to lack of sure footedness.

Anything you can do to assist us in the matter would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a Mom!..?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Overprotective Behavior

If you were to check Websters for the definition of Overprotective parent, you would most likely find my picture next to the description. It's funny because I never thought I would be that parent. I always saw myself as the one sending my kids off to the grandparents for the weekend, or to whoever would take them off my hands so I could get a little adult time, within reason, of course. Only, I'm not like that at all.

I've allowed the Munchkin to stay with her Oma, once. Once away from our own house. One night, and it almost killed me I missed her so much. Being here without her was just weird. We tried a spend the night for Tooty's bday, but even her love of the "Peas" family was no match for her wanting her mommy at bedtime, which ended in Daddypeas driving her home close to midnight.

This year in school, she will be going on more field trips, ones that not all of the parents can attend, like we did last year. I quickly signed up for everything thinking there is no way in hell she's going without me..... Only, I'm on the sublist for driving because they take parents that can chauffeur the most kids first, (remind me to re-think the minivan.) When I saw my name on the alternate list, my immediate reaction was, well, too bad she won't be going.... So many thoughts were going through my mind..

I don't know who's care she will be in, what if I haven't met this person driving her?

What if they don't install the carseat properly? People aren't always A-N-A-L like me when it comes to carseat safety, trust me on this one. It amazes me how half assed some people will install the seat that protects their most prized possession. Crooked and loose. Belt it, Hook it, latch it, tether it, whatever you need to do to keep them safe, not crooked and convenient so you can reach back there to shove food in their mouth when their hungry and whiney.... But, I digress.

What if this person driving is a terrible driver?

Who will watch her closely when they get there? No one will keep on an eye on her like I would.

And the irrational fears list goes on and on.. and still here I sit only days away from a very defining moment for me as a parent. I've talked with Husband about this at length a couple of times and the only reason I don't feel completely crazy is because he was concerned too.

Our thought right now is to let her go. We trust these teachers to watch her on a daily basis, this is their job. They take the trips every year, they know how to install these carseats. If I were driving other peoples kids, I would be just as much of a freak about their seats as I am my own. I can only hope that some of these parents are the same as me. I'm sure that's part of the reason they signed up to drive, right?

Random Mommy and I have had multiple discussions about this over the past weeks, so I'm not the only freak parent in our class.... Although, she has emailed the teacher on our behalf and I reserve the right to change my mind without notice as the trip gets closer.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

(Time) Stamps

Is it just me or do you also hate when your kids get stamps on their hands or feet (yes feet, they do this at the twins gymnastics place) It's like an automatic countdown to having to bathe the kids before someone sees them days later, with the same stamps on their little bodies....

It's like saying, Guess what I haven't done? I haven't bathed my kids in 4 days, I know you know. I see you looking at those stamps, wondering what the odds are they they got the same exact letter stamped on their hand at the gym nursery, 3 days later.

The worst is when these stamp opportunities fall on the day after I have bathed them, that's just embarrassment waiting to happen. Sure, some of the stamps come off with wipes, and some will come off with the wipes with a little elbow grease and with the sacrifice of a little skin, and that can't be good.... all the time anyway.

I should probably just politely decline the ink, but they love them so darn much I can't bear to see them deprived of such a simple thing. Lest I be compared to Kate Gosselin (again!)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

What the Poop, Man?

The Munchkin has been potty trained since the twins were born. They are now 18 months. I would think that in 18 months this should be locked up and done, but she still gets distracted when she is playing and will pee her pants if not reminded to go. I'm so tired of saying the words, "Munchkin, go potty," "Are your pants wet or dry" Every.Damn.Day. We were doing so good and she was doing much better, until about a week a go. One day she wet her pants 4 times, and on Sunday she pooped in her pants. POOPED!!! Even when potty training, she never did that. Pooping was something she just never did in her pants, not even by accident. We were fortunate.

Sunday, I thought I smelled something, I checked the twins, nothing. I went about my business writing it off as a gassy baby or husband. It never dawned on me that the Munchkin was walking around with little turdlets in her pants.

After dinner, I told Munchkin to go potty, she came out holding her panties. I looked at her like she was crazy (fine parenting, I know) I asked her what she was doing, she wouldn't speak, she just held them up trying her best not to drop the poop on the floor. Husband and I realized about the same time what was going on.... We marched her back to the bathroom, cleaned her up, searched the floor for stray turds and lectured the Munchkin on:

1. not pooping in her pants and
2. poop etiquette. (You know, don't bring poop out of the bathroom and such)

What the heck? She has been in school for a week and a half and has wet her pants once already - she did it once all last year. Why are we moving backwards?

Regression? Does she need more attention? I've googled it, I know you aren't supposed to reprimand, some sites say reward, don't acknowledge the mishaps but I gotta tell ya, I'm frustrated and ready to get past this point. I've got 2 more coming up behind her, I should not be doing this with a 4 year old too.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


On my way home from the gym the other day I spotted a guy walking, not very odd really, right? He was probably 30ish, wearing a suit, carrying a briefcase, in a nice part of town. Again, not very odd right? I didn't think so either until I realized he wasn't wearing any socks or shoes.

He didn't look disheveled, or homeless, the suit, probably not Armani, wasn't found in a dumpster or ill fitting either. I for the life of me cannot come up with any reasonable explanation as to why this man was walking around in a suit, barefoot. Nothing. Absolutely nothing comes to mind, yet I can't stop thinking about this man.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Some people lack it, and I would put my almost four year old firmly in that category. Although, what little she has is more than I can say for some adults I know.

I took the girls to the mall yesterday to waste time and pick up a couple of gifts for upcoming birthdays. I promised the Munchkin last time we were there that I would let her jump on the the Euro Bungee. Keeping my word and forking over my $10, I took her over there and they hooked her up. She loved it, she went sky high and didn't want to stop.

After what seemed like eternity 10 or so minutes, I told her it was about time to go. I was getting nauseous just watching and she started looking a little green herself, although Dude would have been covered in vomit before the smile faded from her face.

As we were thanking the man, and this is where it gets ugly, like a train wreck. It happened so fast, yet so slow and all at the same time.... We were thanking the man, the Munchkin looked up at him, I was turning away, an elderly man tapped me on the hand, Munchkin says, "Why are all of your teeth falling out," elderly man asks me about the twinlets, toothless man's hand goes up to his teeth, I say something to the elderly man, the toothless man says something to the Munchkin.... then I do what every good responsible Mom does in that situation, I walked off leaving the Munchkin behind me with Oma.

She asked a man why his teeth were falling out! I felt awful, I had no idea what to do or say, I walked off after muttering another quick thank you. I know that can't be the right thing, but was it wrong?

I have since had another talk with the Munchkin about how people look different and that's cool. You can be short, tall, big, skinny, black, white, toothless, toothfull but at the end of the day we are all just people. I know she's a kid, taking in and trying to process this colorful world we live in, but I'll be damned if it isn't costing me some dignity and the little bit of grace I used to have.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Monday, September 07, 2009

Shame Shame, I Know Your Name.

It's been a while since I have ruffled some political feathers here on the old blog and I just can't bite my tongue anymore. It's been bleeding since the birth certificate debate, healthcare, beer summit and others. I haven't had any extra energy to field the anonymous comments that tend to appear after those posts, but this one? I just have to address.

For all of you planning to keep your children out of school tomorrow to "boycott" the President, shame on you! What are you afraid of? Indoctrination of what exactly? The position of President of the United States should be respected, whether you like the person holding the position at the time or not.

He's going to tell children to stay in school and work hard, just like Presidents have done in the past. He's not going to pull a bait and switch and talk about healthcare or euthanizing the poor kids great Grammy. Come on people!!! I just can't tolerate the complete and utter closed mindedness that is surrounding the Right Wing Extremists.

I love a good debate, I love being able to discuss politics with people who believe differently than I do, I feel that I can come out of it having learned something. I just don't have it in me anymore to listen to people say things, like socialism, death panels and fascism.... They = Ignorant.

I don't believe politics should be brought into school anymore than prayer or religion should be, but let's not forget our public school systems are run by.... The Government (socialism?) I just don't see what the fuss is over a message that is simple, stay in school. That's it. Why the tizzy?

If McCain had won the election, I would not have a single problem with him doing this, I would respect him as the President. If it were Palin, I would only have a problem because she's stupid, but I wouldn't keep my kids out of school because of it. I would just inform them that she in fact cannot see Russia from her house.

{{{ stepping off of soapbox }}}

The End.