Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Open Letter.

Dear Crotchety Old Neighbor Lady,

It started out as a children's party, didn't you see the giant sized Dora castle filling my entire back yard? There was a pinata, gifts, singing and bouncing. I think that maybe the presence of the party ball, case of Corona, pitchers of margaritas and football on tv turned it into an all night drink fest. We don't do this often...well, at least not with a party ball. But come on, isn't bouncing in a Dora bounce house for 5 hours enough to earn the chance to blow off a little steam and chill with our friends?

I realize that 1:00am is not the most suitable time for a loud conversation regarding the rights of gays, and I apologize if you are a conservative that may have been offended by our anti-Palin rants. When my husband drinks, his volume button breaks, he also likes to ask inappropriate questions, but damnit, he's a funny guy. I love my friends, and when they drink, and we drink we all just have a good time. May I suggest turning down your hearing aid?

I have to admit, while we are clearing the air here, I'm a little put off by the smell of cigarette smoke that infiltrates my house when I have the windows open. When the weather is nice, there is nothing better than opening the windows for some fresh air. There is nothing worse than having it ruined by the smell of your bad habit. I know you're old and probably feel like living it up at your age, but I have children and prefer to not give them lung cancer at the early age of 7 months.

So let's make a deal, shall we? I will not tell you when or where you can smoke, I will simply close my windows and curse you in the privacy of my own home. When we have a party, you take out your hearing aid and promise not to call the police and have them issue citations for noise ordinance violations.

Also, if you plan to complain, how about the hippies across the ally way that play their bongos until midnight? Start with them. We have children.


Your late night, enjoying our youth neighbors, from 2 doors down.


Average Joe American said...

You just named reason number 356 why I live in the in the sticks.

Kelly said...

Ok, I have some experience with this one. We too were known in our last neighborhood as those "white trash neighbors" after one of Hubby's friends got drunk at one of our parties, climbed a tree and yelled, "Come and get me you f*cking p*ssies!"

The trick is to look your neighbors in the eye and act like that kind of thing happens all the time. That way, they pity you rather than hate you.

Works every time!

Lil Tinker said...

ROFLMAO! Oh I would have loved to see the party but I have a broken 'tact filter' and I never got it fixed so I probably would have gone to jail after the cops left because I would have gone to her house and began a litnay of reasons why she could stuff her miracle ear in her...well ya know. The party sounded fun and I hope it was worth the citation, if not you need to have another party and see if it gets better! ;)

Poodlehead said...

The police? Really? That's so sad. People who give other people hard times over partying are usually jealous.

Anonymous said...

Lord have mercy - those are the best parties when the cops show up. Its even better that it was for munchkins birthday. I also live in the sticks for that same reason. Plus we always give our neighbors a heads up when we know it will be a late night. That way they come to use before they call the police.

Seis said...

I always feel proud when the police are called. It is like a stamp of approval that your party was a success.

Average Joe American said...

I agree with TC. When our neighbors are knocking on our door at 1am they usually bring beer and ask why they weren't invited!

Kim said...

i love when this happens! in college this use to happen all the time. but we'd send karla to the front door to flirt with the cops, welcome them in, and have them hang out at the party...we got to know the campus cops VERY well. HA!