Sunday, September 07, 2008

Week in Review.

What a busy short week we had. It was a week of firsts. Our first meet the teacher, our first parent teacher orientation, our first carpool lane, and as you saw from my last post, our first day of pre-school.

We work really hard to prepare Munchkin for events, we typically start discussing with her what she should expect, and what is expected of her. We talked about school off and on for weeks, we saw the school, met the teachers and then I started letting her know how the carpool would work. She seemed cool. All morning she walked around the house saying "I'm going to school, I'm tall. Not big.... just tall." Everything was good, she was excited. We pulled into the carpool line and she says....... "Mom (Mom. Not Mommy anymore, that was soooo 2007) I don't want to go to school." I was already on the verge of tears, the only thing holding me together was that she was excited. Luckily Random Mommy was about 4 cars ahead and I mentioned to Munchkin that I could see Buddha and he's there waiting for her... She got excited.

Crisis averted.

Still holding it together, RM pulls up and we chat, I could hear her voice shake, my voice started shaking and we parted ways quickly so we could cry in private. I got to the the curb and Ms. L. opened the door, the Munchkin saw a little boy clinging for dear life to his mom, screaming. She asked the teacher what was wrong with the little boy and if she could cheer him up. I lost it. I told her I loved her, and the door closed. That was it. My baby, gone. Me, left feeling empty. Quiet. Unsure. I drove off leaving a little piece of myself on that curbside.

I got home, fed the twins and went to run some errands before meeting my "First day of pre-school support group" for lunch. While I thoroughly enjoyed my grown up lunch, where we were actually able to carry on a conversation, my mind was on the clock, I kept thinking how early is too early to get to the carpool line?

RM and I were the first ones in line to pick up our babies. Munchkin did good. No potty problems, she ate her entire lunch, which NEVER happens. EVER. That alone is worth the price of her tuition. I know in my heart that this is so good for her, and I know that she is ready for this. It just kills me to not have her with me. I know that I need this, for the sake of the twins. They will never know me in the way that Munchkin baby knew me. There are no more days of just sitting, and holding and giving my undivided attention to just one child. Even my undivided attention to them, is divided. This is my source of guilt. Slowly but surly I will come to terms with someone else taking care of my "number one." They will never do it like I do, or as good as I do, but that's ok. These teachers are all fantastic and they are very good at what they do. I just have to trust them to do it.

So, short story long. It was a bittersweet week. I managed, and will only do better from here. There may be a few more tears, but it's all good.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay, now you've got me crying! Trying to type with one hand, wiping tears with the other and can hardly see what I'm typing.
She is so delightful to be around, but you'll be alright. We will miss seeing her at your mom's house. The hardest part for me was not knowing what was happening at school, now I know. ;)

Rebecka said...

Don't feel bad! I couldn't even take my daughter to her first day of pre-school. My neighbor had to do it. I have to be at school for 7:30 and she starts at 9. I feel sooo bad. But i get to pick her up :)
She's done at 12:45. I get lunch at 12:30. I just go pick her up, spend a few minutes with her and then ship her back to my neighbors. I feel horrible that I can't take her. I didn't even wear make-up that day. I usually don't leave house without makeup if it's somewhere like school. I knew I'd cry. I knew it'd run. Then it would look awful.

Hopefully pre-school is going good for her!

Anonymous said...

Opps, sorry, I forgot to sign "anonymous". (I told you I couldn't see what I was doing.)
Much love,
Your Aunt
Aw shoot! Now I have a longer Word Verification :(

Trista said...

Luckily this year it didn't seem as bad when Reagan went. I guess it's bc I was used to it.

It will get easier and before long you will find yourself loving that time with the twins (as I did with just Reagan).

She'll do great and I'm glad to hear it all went well (minus the crying).

Leslie said...

It's hard, isn't it! This is the first year that we've taken the kids and I haven't been working there, too. It was easy then. Now? Not so easy. I'm glad A has another year of preschool. Kindergarten might send me over the edge...

Kim said...

if only they knew how much we worry about them.

congrats momma and little E on a great first day of school!