Thursday, July 31, 2008

Changing the Subject (for now)

We were pulling out of the driveway this morning when the Munchkin noticed two cats laying under a tree, facing each other. She pointed them out and asked if I saw them. I said that I did, and asked her what they were doing, she said "having a meeting."


Tonight, she was excited to tell her daddy about the cats she saw "meeting" underneath the tree this morning. The conversation went like this:

Munchkin: Daddy, we saw two cats under our tree.

Daddy: Really? What were they doing under the tree ( I had prepped him for this)

Munchkin: They were having a meeting

Daddy: What do you think they were meeting about?

Munchkin: Pooping in Munchkin's backyard...

** laughter **

Then she says, and I quote:

"He was like, let's poop in Munchkin's backyard"

HOLY HELL, where does she come up with this stuff. I laughed so hard I just about peed my pants.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Clearing the Air

So, many of you know that I organize a fairly large group of SAHM's. I love this group. I love seeing new Moms come in, and seeing the ladies pull together to give advice and create friendships that hopefully will last way longer than this group ever will.

Recently we had some drama, MAJOR drama.. all regarding the subject of home birthing, pros/cons, whatever. I will leave it at that, as many of the members read this blog... I think. Anyway, after pulling together some research, I am of the opinion that home birthing is not a safe way to bring a child into this world... (My opinion and before you leave me a comment, you better have the balls to use your name) So things were said, feelings were hurt and people as a result, made the decision to leave the group... Although, instead of telling me, they went on to their own website, and ran their yap about how they no longer wanted to be a part of MLOB. So, I removed them. I was actually feeling a little guilty and regretful for the way things went down. I don't want people to have a negative opinion of anything that I'm associated with or in charge of. Then, I found out that not only were they not "man" enough to just take themselves out of the group, but they are referring to my group and members in ways that are not polite. They even refer to us as "The Biting Moms." Nice little pet name that I'm sure if you think back you can figure out. These are all things that came to light during the whole saga, and continue on now.

So, we don't parent our children in the same way that the "crunchy moms" do (their label, not mine) But, really? Name calling? How old are you? I didn't birth my kids in a tub, I took advantage of all the drugs they would give me, the twins never touched a nipple and they are happy healthy babies that I would put up against any of theirs ANY DAY!!! They need to grow up, get over it, and stay the hell out of my group. It has been made apparent that the only reason for joining our group was to cause trouble and criticize our parenting techniques.

Happy home birthing...

Happy Birthday!

Just had to give a quick shout out to mommapeas, Holla!! - Baby "airport" arrived last night and both Mom and baby are doing well.

The Bitches and I went to see them tonight and she is absolutely beautiful. Mommy looked great and Daddy was a proud Papa... It's so great to share these experiences with people that you are close to and truly care about. We all waited anxiously for the news, reliving in our minds the excitement of our own labors. Even though the twins are about 4 1/2 months, holding little airport made me ready for another... Yes, call me crazy and I'm sure I will change my mind a hundred thousand times, but for right now, me and Random Mommy are both having another baby... Not together of course, well, maybe once the men find out about our plan we will be forced to run off together and find the means to populate the earth..

Happy Birthday Airport!! We love you already!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Video Killed the Radio Star

It seems as if the blogging world is coming to a screeching halt, thanks to the newest online social journal, Plurk. If you aren't there, you should be. Everyone's doing it, you know you want too!

Friday, July 25, 2008

I'm Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot!

Another night out with TBDMGE, (the best damn moms group, evah') I can sum the night up with this; Mass Chaos and Dancing Debauchery.

I'm not sure if the margaritas made our skills better or worse, probably mixed depending on who you are. For me it probably helped. I am what some would refer to as dancing challenged: whitey-Mcwhite, white: or white girl can't dance. So I was there more for the company and to watch Hot Instructor Boy shake his bum, bum.

We learned three dances, the merengue, salsa and something with a 1,2,3 hip... basically this was a thrust. He wouldn't say it that way, but a group of hot house wives were out to make the boy blush, and blush he did. I think he got way more than he bargained for with these Momma's.

Thanks to Ms. J.T. for being my "man". We had some slight problems when pairing up, as we had no men there to dance with us, unless you were lucky enough to get a personal demonstration from Hot Instructor Boy... Babies could have been made with some of those moves... I'm just sayin'. Anyway, once J and I figured out that we both couldn't be the girl, we were 1,2,3 thrusting like pros.

Sadly I didn't take too many pictures, but you can head over to poodleheads site to see some more. I think she has one of Hot Instructor Boy.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Butt Sweat and Loud Music.

Have I told you lately how much I love spin? I went last night to an hour long class, and lo' and behold, the girl teaching was someone I used to hang out with before the Munchkin was born. I took a friend with me that I used to work and spin with - It was like a spinning reunion. This is mostly likely the only time you will see me get excited about sweating, even if it's butt sweat. Maybe its the loud music or the fact that I'm burning about 600 calories in that one class, either way, my addiction is in full force.

I so want my pre baby body back. Not the "in between baby" body, but the "before I had the Munchkin" body. My tummy was flat, the cellulite was minimal, I felt good and could actually put on a 2 piece without cringing... So bring on the butt sweat, I am spinning my way into a bikini before our trip to the beach...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Penis and Vagina.

First of all let me say that Hubby is loving the fact that we have 3 girls and all the "delicate" discussions we have to look forward to, will most likely be filtered through me. Scary thought when you consider that the word "vagina" makes me cringe. It's just one of those words I don't like. I prefer, girly parts, who-ha, choo-choo, pretty much anything other than vagina.

Yesterday, the Munchkin says to us that her butt hurts. Upon further inspection we realize that she's not talking about her butt, rather her "girly parts." I ask her more questions and decide I need to take and look and make sure she doesn't have a rash or something really wrong. We go into the bathroom and the Munchkin says to me:

"See Momma, someone cut it off......"

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Surly she isn't thinking that she's missing a penis, is she? After she insists that "it's" missing, I tried to explain to her that everything looks completely normal, just the way a girl should look. I explained to her (say it with me) Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. I'm a firm believer in making sure she is informed, but not too informed. I figure if she's old enough to start asking questions, she's old enough to start learning. It's just hard to make sure to not over indulge in facts. I guess this is when some of my old sales training comes in handy.... K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Stupid.

Lord, help me.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Moms Night. Margaritas. Madness. Mmm..

I'm not even sure where to begin or what to say here about the complete and total debauchery that was our Moms Night Out last night. Maybe we will try it this way as to not incriminate any of those in attendance:

  • I may or may not have kissed Random Mommy - hard to dispute the physical evidence on this one.
  • Someone may or may not have shown their ass to a camera - Um, hard to dispute physical evidence on this one too.
  • Someone may or may not have told a random guy that they were loose, and had three kids to prove it. This one is completely circumstantial.
  • I may have professed my undying love to Random Mommy - there may be evidence of this as well, don't pull my phone records.
  • We may or may not have klepto's in our group.
  • We may or may not have seen the real Tila Tequila and asked her for an autograph, she's a celebrity in her own mind.
  • We may be a group of complete drunks - this one is completely true. Tons of evidence to support this as fact.
What a fun night, the band guys were friends of mine and Hubby's from way back. If you have a chance to catch them live, a big HOLLA! to Jasksons NLA, they were rockin' for us last night. It was great that BFF was able to make it out, now everyone knows she's not imaginary. Poodlehead, you can't have her! I'll share, maybe. I don't want to catch any shenanigans between you two in ATL either!!

The hangover this morning was totally worth the amount of fun had by all.. Can't wait to do it again. Pictures to follow, if I can get written consent from those involved.

Big Ole' Kisses to MommaKimtastic for driving my drunk ass and Yankee Belle around last night, we owe you big!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Munchkin, A Lesbian Polygamist?

Munchkin: Mom, when I get bigger, I'm going to get married.

Me: I think that's great, who are you going to marry?

Munchkin: Lil Pimp, Buddha, Ernie (as in Burt) and my Da da. (sons of BFF and Random Mommy)

Me: Well, I think you would have to move to Utah....

Munchkin: But we live in Alabama.... Boo Bama!

Me: Yes I know, but you are really only allowed to marry one person (at a time, but I'll explain that later)

Munchkin: But I want to marry, Tooty and Lil B, and You too. (daughters of Mommapeas & Yankee Belle)

Me: Well, I'm already married to your daddy, and I'm not sure Tooty or Lil B will swing that way.

Munchkin: We can swing when we're married, I'll marry (all of the above)

Me: Well, you see baby, it's technically considered to be a civil union, and Alabama is a little behind in it's belief system on girls marrying girls and boys marrying boys, you will have to go to.... Oh never mind.... I'm sure you are going to have a great big happy family one day!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Parking Wars

So, we all know that I have issues with people and their shitty parking habits. But, I of all people have the right to bitch about this problem. Getting 2 infant seats and a toddler out of a car when someone is parked incorrectly is damn near impossible.

Today was a little different than most of the complaints I have about parking. We went to the grocery store, and at that time of day, I usually have no trouble getting one of the spots reserved for "Expectant Moms and Moms with Small Children." 3 under the age of three, means I automatically qualify, hands down, no questions asked. I circled around to find they were all taken. I was mildly annoyed, but found a spot right next to the reserved space, what's one spot right? I got out of the car and noticed that the lady parked in that spot was in her car, her car was running, and she was yapping away on her cell phone, not pregnant, and no babies. I gave her a quick "the sight of you irritates me" look, through her window. I unloaded the offspring, struggling not to hit her car (nice of me, considering my history.) Then, as I was headed around to get the Munchkin out, I decided I couldn't let it go. I tapped on her window, and gave her a WTF shrug and pointed to the sign. She rolled her eyes, and kept yapping. I went around and got the Munchkin out of her seat and noticed that "illegal parking chick" was backing out of her spot. Where did she go? To a space 3 down from where she was. Ha! I won. Knocking them out, one moronic parker at a time.

Of course when I was leaving there was a lady loading her 2 bags, while her kids had been sitting in the car. They looked to be about 10 or so. Now, I have been known to "bend" the rules on that spot, like when I was 2 days pregnant and using that spot while shopping without the Munchkin, ( I never took the last spot and I had serious morning sickness) But come on! You're kids are old and you didn't even bring them in!!

Her tag read "APLJUCE"..... I didn't even bother.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Crotch Bruising, Not Cool.

It's not really how it sounds, well it is, but it isn't.....

I have been a huge fan of spin classes since before the Munchkin was born. I did spin until I was more than 8 months pregnant with her, and finally had to stop because my belly was hitting the handle bars. I decided today to jump back in and check out this class at the gym. It kicked my ass (and crotch) and I loved it. The music was loud and I could feel the calories melting away. The only problem? I'm a wuss and used to always carry my padded seat with me to class. I'm too vain to wear the dumb little padded pants, and really? I'm taking this class to make my ass smaller, why would I want to wear something that makes it look big and cushy? Today, my trusty little padded seat wasn't even on my radar as I was loading the offspring into the car. All I could think about was being early so I could get a bike in the back.

So, as the evening has worn on, I've realized that I'm feeling the pain. It's not just in my ass, where you would think it would be, it's a full on crotch bruise. It hurts to sit, it hurts to cross my legs. All of this discomfort and I can't say it was the result of something more pleasurable. I know that's what you were thinking.... Dirty, dirty minds.

Chester The Molester

Being the mom of 3 girls, one who happens to be a beautiful toddler, makes me a bit.... okay, a lot suspicious of any and all males who want to lavish her with attention. My philosophy is guilty until proven innocent. You see, I will assume that ALL men/boys are up to no good when it comes to my girls.

I stopped by the drugstore yesterday to pick up some bottled water. I was headed to the gym and only had the Munchkin with me. We walked into the store, and the rather young guy behind the counter made immediate eye contact and started talking about "that pretty little girl." I smiled, kept on walking, carrying the Munchkin. Just as I get past the counter, I felt a tug..... Dude had come from behind the checkout, caught up with us and was tapping the Munchkin on the leg saying "I'm gonna get that pretty girl." I immediately moved her from left hip, to the right and picked up the pace. After I got my water, I headed to the checkout where I knew he was going to be ringing us up. He tried again to start up a conversation with her, asking her age, her birthday. Luckily she was so enthralled by the plethera of candy in front of her, she had no use for him. The only thing on her tiny little brain at that moment was "Skittles." I told the guy she has been taught to not talk to strangers. Which is so not the case, but it's about to be.

, who has a beautiful little girl of her own, had a "Stranger Danger" moment too, recently. What the hell is going on with these people? Is it ever too early to teach them to aim for the nuts? I hate to make her paranoid, but it seems like I have no choice in the way the world is today...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Game On.

I've decided it's time to step up and get back into the game of saving money. It's been a big game lately with all my "bitches" and the ladies I know, to see how much they can save when shopping for groceries, diapers/wipes/formula, and toiletry items.

I used to do good, meal planning and coupon clipping. I kind of fell off the wagon during the whole pregnancy thing and have been resisting the need to get back on.

This morning, I planned our meals for the week based off of the sales flyer I received in the mail from my local grocery store. I searched my coupon collection for anything that applied and for the week I spent less than $100.00. When you factor in Kashi products and organic fruit that's not bad.... However, this did not include any baby products or toiletries, only food. My goal would be to get this down to around $75.00 per week or less.

I've re-joined the Baby Club at Publix. I'm going to pay more attention to my Extra Care card with CVS (they run good sales on formula, & diapers. This could be huge savings.) I know about many of the coupon sites, but am always on the lookout for more money saving tips.. Do you have some to share? I would love to hear them.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


I'm so "organized" that I have lost my organizer. I realize it's somewhat old school to have an actual planner that doesn't function as a phone/mp3 player/camera/photo album/atom bomb, but I like my planner. My phone isn't high tech enough to house all of the activities and appointments that we have weekly. I once tried the PDA thing, but never really felt very organized. It's just easier for me to have my trusty ole' calendar. It's cute, it's functional, but currently missing.

If I have plans with you tomorrow, you need to email and remind me, I am completely lost. If I had plans with you today and failed to show up, my apologies!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Monday, July 07, 2008

Stupid, Stupid Girl!

I'm just now watching the season finale of the Bachelorette, and I absolutely can not believe that dough eyed, blinky girl did not pick Jason. Idiot. My heart is breaking for this guy. A terrible decision has been made. He had it all, and the kid?, how could she not pick the guy with the kid?

You just had to know when he stepped out of that limo first, it was the kiss of death. The first one out is always axed. Poor guy. If I had any single friends I would be putting them on the first plane to Washington to hunt this guy down. Something tells me he is going to have a line knocking down his door.

Since I wasn't a big fan of "D" anyway, maybe this was for the best. Jason was probably too good for her anyway. Harsh isn't it? Why do I care? I guess because I vow to never watch this darn show again, my pick never wins, and it NEVER works out, do you see a pattern here?

Sunday, July 06, 2008

More About Poo.

My child is just funny, I can't help but record these conversations in some way.. Thanks for indulging me.

The Scene:

Munchkin sitting on the little potty, pooping.
Me sitting on the big potty, not pooping, just waiting.
She poops, looks down, compares it to a worm again. For the record, it's not always a worm. We've seen, hearts, pinecones, dots and who knows what else. I think that may come in a future post.

Munchkin: We don't touch poo, mommy.

Me: No, baby. We don't touch poo.

Munchkin: Any poo?

Me: No poo. Not people poo, dog poo, bird poo, absolutely no touching of poo....

Munchkin: I touch sham-poo?

I laughed.


It was just brought to my attention that the scary beings in the movie last night were not zombies, rather blood thirsty vampires. Zombies, vampires, who the hell cares, they still scared the shit out of me.

I Am Scared.

Hubby and I just finished watching "I Am Legend." That movie freaked my freak, freaked me the hell out, and down right freaked my shit! I don't do scary movies, I just don't. I remember wanting to see this when it was out in the theater, it just didn't happen for whatever reason. It came in on Netflix this week, and we actually were able to sit down tonight to watch, together. I knew it was something about Will Smith being the last man on earth, I just didn't know he was cohabitating with zombies. As I sit here typing, Hubby has gone to bed, and I keep thinking some crazy ass zombie is about to come through my fireplace. I will have nightmares now.

If this is in fact my last post due to a zombie invasion, thank you for reading, and good night.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Pool Bitch

I took the Munchkin to the pool today -- it was beautiful out, the weather was nice and the water was nice and cool, actually cold but it felt good. We were enjoying our day, playing, and swimming when she heard a lady calling for her daughter. The Munchkin looked up at me and said, "Alex, Momma." Having a friend named Alex that lives close by, I did a quick glance around but didn't see "our" Alex. Then a little girl came floating by and Munchkin said again, "Alex, Momma, it's Alex." I told her it wasn't our Alex, maybe just another little girl with the same name. About that time, this Mom comes up and says to me, it the most snappish tone ever, "Her name is Alice..." Well excuse me! Then she says: "I guess it "kind of" sounds the same." Ya' think? Alex, Alice, Alice, Alex... You're damn right it sounds the same, especially to a not even 3 year old, half way across the pool. Was there really a point in being such a bitch about the whole thing?

I'm pretty much a stickler when it comes to the Munchkins real name. I don't like it being shortened, but I'm never a bitch to people about it, and never would I butt in on someone else's conversation.

So I say to you, Mom of "Alex," you will now have to spend the rest of the summer listening to me "accidentally" call your child by the wrong name, while giving you the stink eye, just to piss you off!