Thursday, May 29, 2008

Fack It: and other Munchkin-isms

It dawned on me the other day that I haven't been as diligent lately at keeping track of the funny things that the Munchkin is saying (or mis-saying) these days. I have to put these down somewhere, or I will forget. These are the things that you want to remember forever.

Fack it! - When a mosquito lands on your arm, you fack it!

Fuchinni - Squash and fuchinni for dinner.

He's going to shark you -- This is a warning for when the pretend shark in our kitchen is about to bite you.

Addigator -- addigators say chomp chomp.

Tiny Puppies - Nickname she has given the twins.

Holy Hell - This one means mommy isn't watching her language very well.

Munchkin: Knock Knock
Any poor soul willing to play: Who's there?
Munchkin: Knock Knock
APSWP: Who's there?
Munchkin: I don't know
Munchkin: Knock Knock

And so on, and so on........

If you get this far:

Munchkin: Knock Knock
Any poor soul willing to play: Who's there?
Munchkin: Orange
APSWP: Orange Who?
Munchkin: you glad I said 4 bananas?

I think 2 1/2 is still too young for knock knock jokes, but we're trying!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Porn Would've Been Better!

Hubby was on the sofa with his laptop this weekend surfing the web. I was needing his help with something and asked if he could help me while he was logged in. I went and sat down next to him, and happened to glance up at his google search window...... Do you know what his last search entry was? BEST MINI VANS!!!!! How dare he? I would have felt much better if it would have said "Asian porn," or "one legged prostitutes," anything other than "MINI VAN."

No, no, no, no, I will not drive a mini van, not yet. I like my Tahoe, and I realize that it may look a little cramped in the back, as I drive around in a sea of offspring, but it works for me. For now. I have plenty of cargo space for all of our crap, all three carseats fit in the back, and I have equal access to all of the offspring, should someone need a pacy or a sippy cup.

So, I say to you Hubby, until all of the cool kids (aka: my bitches) are doing it, you are better off looking up porn.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Monday, May 19, 2008

Tag! I'm It.. Are You Next?

I was tagged from Shelby. Here's the skinny.

Write six random things about yourself (surprisingly hard to think of...).

Tag six people at the end of your post linking to their blog.
Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Here we go..

1. I rarely, if ever pee, much less poop in public restrooms.

2. I'm addicted to large sodas with crusehd ice. I will go out of my way to hit a drive through with good coke and ice.... I never finish the large drinks, but I will not order anything smaller, just in case I'm really thirsty that day.

3. Even through some periods of self doubt, I think I'm a kick ass mom, and I love my "job."

4. I was homecoming Queen, my Senior year.

5. I crave body piercings. If I thought I could pull it off, I would pierce my nose and eyebrow.

6. I cheated all through my Senior year, then placed higher in my class than the girl I cheated from. Ha! She deserved it, bitch stole stuff from my locker, she was a klepto.

So that's it, things you were dying to know about me and my sorted past.... I'm tagging the following because I need to know more random things about you...

Random Mommy

Momma Peas
Yankee Belle
MommaKim
Poodlehead
BlueMomma

Do this... Or you suck.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Calgon Take Me Away...

I'm beginning to think that these babies have the dreaded "c" word.......Colic. It seems that at 9:00pm each night, a switch flips and these precious little babies, turn into non stop crying machines. They cry if they are hungry, they cry when the are full, if I hold them, if I don't. NOTHING works. This continues on for about 5 hours before they settle down. On the bright side...Ha! Funny to think that there is a bright side to twins having colic, but there is. It seems like they alternate nights, so, 2 babies, sharing 1 case of colic? Who knows if that's possible but that's the best I could come up with at 1:30 this morning, when I felt like banging my head against the wall.

Honestly, I have never felt more helpless in my life. I feel torn between wanting to do everything I can to calm them down and sooth them, and getting my keys and going for a long drive....

This to shall pass, this to shall pass........ Right?

Friday, May 16, 2008

More About Poo....

Who knew that potty training would give me so much blog fodder.... On the potty yesterday, our conversation went like this.

Munchkin: Mommy, I need to go tee-tee and poo-poo in the potty.

Me: Ok sweetie, go ahead, I'll be there in a minute.....

I head into the bathroom where the Munchkin sits, hands under her chin, grunting.

Me: How we doing?

Munchkin: *grunt* Good Mommy.

Her eyes begin to water, then her face lights up.

Munchkin: Look Mommy, I pooped in the potty.

Me: Way to go baby, I'm so proud.

I proceed to to do the potty dance, as she stands up and says:

What animal is it, Mommy?

Me: Eh? Animal?

Munchkin: Yes. Ummmm, *tapping her chin* I think it's a worm...

Observant, isn't she?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

A Face Lift....For Me?

Big props to Bluemomma for giving me my new look. We had lunch yesterday and I mentioned that I wanted to make a couple of changes, mostly to a 3 column format -- she took it and ran. Now we have to have lunch again so I can buy!

She really should be doing this for extra cash!!

I'm still tweaking a few things so pardon my mess, until I'm done..

Toddler Turds.

How is it possible for such a little person to produce such large poo? Seriously? I guess I never realized how much poo was collecting in those diapers. Now to see it, in it's whole form, it puzzles me a little.

She must get this from her daddy.

Dooce Does It...

Apparently there has been a lot of hype this week in the media about Mommy Bloggers. Hubby happened to catch a segment on the Today's Show with Dooce. Who just so happens to make over $40,000 a month in ad revenue, just from blogging her days away like we do. Now? Hubby is sending me not so subtle hints, about how to make money from a blog..... He has also sent me the youtube video from the interview, DVR'd her on ABC, and has sent me several emails letting me know about the phenomenon that is Dooce..... I get it already, make money from the blog or take back the new shoes.... Point taken.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Almost Flawless...... Almost.

Today was the day that I ventured out with all 3 kiddies, on my own for the first time. I've been to Random Mommy's for a playgroup, but this was out in public. Getting in and out of carseats and strollers all by my lonesome. I probably would have waited until tomorrow when my Mom could keep them, but dance class registration was today, and I didn't want Munchkin to miss out on the class we wanted.

Things were going so well, we were like a well oiled machine. I decided that since everyone was up, out, and happy, I would press my luck and head to Babies R' Us for a few things I needed. My list was short and didn't require me to push a cart. I flew through the store with only a few minor issues.... stroller not fitting between racks, Munchkin getting distracted by all things that were brightly colored or made noise. All in all, I would say it was a successful trip.

As we were leaving the store I was thinking about how proud I was that I did this by myself. I was telling Munchkin how proud I was of her. I loaded her and "Ashley" into the car, and headed around to the drivers side where I noticed that some moronic jackass had parked so close to me, that not only could I not open my door all the way, I couldn't even squeeze the carseat between the 2 vehicles. (If you have been reading my blog for long, you know that this is a huge pet peeve of mine.) Just to be sure, I of course took that opportunity to try and open my door forcefully a few times, only to have it "accidentally" bang the side of this other truck. Oops! When I realized that there was absolutely no way in hell I would be getting the car seat in on that side, I started to mumble every four letter word I could think of to describe what an inconsiderate jacksass this guy was. I say guy because it was a work truck with no carseats.

As I was forming a list in my head of all of the ways I could cause harm to this man - poopy diapers to the face ( I have 3 kids, the odds are in my favor), old sucker sticks to the hair, keys in the eye, let the Munchkin sing her medley of "Pop goes the weasel - on the bus goes - ring around the rosie" 682,000 times, this sweet lady with a baby approached to ask if I needed help. Yes. But what? How? My only option at that point was to unload Munchkin and Ashley from the other side, to put this carseat through.... or, I could have this complete stranger stand there with my child so I could back my car out of the space far enough to open the door. I chose the latter. Lazy and dangerous? Maybe.

I like to think that I would have been that lady offering to help, if I saw another mommy in need.

For the record, I could see her the entire time, there was no way she would have gotten away with my stroller and hers. I would have run her down.

I thanked the lady profusely, and apologized for any of the language she may have heard coming from my mouth. Then I pulled my car into an empty spot, and wrote the following note:

Dear Moronic Jackass,


In case you haven't noticed, this is a store where Moms with children tend to shop. Since we are required by law to use these big ass carseats to protect our children, we require the full amount of parking space allowed to get these in and out of our oversized SUV's. It would be nice if people like yourself could learn to park between the lines that have been so neatly painted for us. If you can't get it right the first time, I believe most cars come with reverse, try again. This will save us all a lot of trouble and unnecessary damage to the sides of our cars...... Sorry about that.


Sincerely,

"I'm a Mom"

As I left the note on the windshield, I realized that it wasn't the answer to the worlds parking problems, but it sure made me feel good.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

To You and Yours

To all of you Moms out there... The ones I am related to, the ones I am friends with, and the ones I merely know through the bloggy world, I hope you all have had a wonderful Mother's Day.

I did!



Eerie.

It's 2:00am. I'm up feeding the twins. All is quiet except for the sound of tornado sirens. I've already loaded the closet with babies once in the past 2 days. This weather is intense.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

"Eat Mor Chikin"

I'm not a very good cook. I like to think that I can follow a recipe or throw together some hamburger helper when I need to. But in reality, I'm a cooking nightmare. Gordon Ramsey would call me an F'ing Donkey and kick me out of his kitchen so fast my head would spin.

With advice and reassurance from Random Mommy, that her recipe for crockpot chicken was crazy easy, I decided to give it a go. I've been eying these whole chickens for a couple of weeks, just paralyzed by the thought of bringing one into my kitchen to cook.... on my own. Mommapeas tried this recipe recently and said it was easy and good. She had never cooked a whole chicken either. I should have known though. You see, Mommapeas is like our resident Martha Stewart. She does everything well, she likes to play coy, but she totally rocks it. You should see the beautiful blankets and burp rags she made the twins... She even made a car seat cover, but I digress.

I bought the bird, brought it home and stuck it in the fridge. The directions said to prepare the bird the night before and have it ready for the crockpot the next morning. So, at 11:00pm, I get up the nerve to go in there and figure this thing out. Shouldn't be too hard as I was told that all of the "innards" came tied up neatly in a little baggie.... LIARS. My bird had no bag! It was completely and totally, bag-less. As this bird sat in my sink, I had to think long and hard about how to get the nastiness out without throwing up all over my kitchen, although I think I may have vomited in my mouth slightly. I was about to scrap the whole thing, throw it away and resign myself to the fact that Domino's can deliver to my door in 30 minutes or less. Then I decided to man up and just do it..... I stuck my hand inside of this bird and pulled out everything that was loose. Gagging the entire time, and thinking only about how I was going to have to to dip my entire body in clorox and spend the next few hours scouring my kitchen with bleach.

I cooked the chicken yesterday and of course I screwed it up -- I didn't put it on until late in the day, I forgot to put the onion in, and left out my handy little liner to make clean up a breeze. I will say, with my best Christian Siriano voice, the taste was "fierce." However, my presentation of this meal was a "hot mess." Hunks of chicken on a plate, and the carnage, oh! the carnage. The meat was so tender that it literally fell to pieces in the crockpot. I had no idea what to do with it after we ate. A complete mess of meat and bones piled in my crockpot.

Question? How are you supposed to know if all of the insides are wrapped neatly in a little package for you to easily and somewhat sanitarily (is that a word?) remove? Shouldn't there be a label somewhere on the bird? A warning of sorts. If I can't figure that one out, a whole chicken will most likely never see the inside of my kitchen again. Bok! Bok!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

My Number One.


I was going through the disc of my maternity pictures and found this one of the Munchkin. If you are ever within a days drive of Birmingham and have a child, you must call our photographer. He has given us so many wonderful pictures over the past 2 years. Pictures that will serve as wonderful memories for the rest of our lives. He's absolutely amazing.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Birds!

Munchkin: Look Mommy, at the birds.

Me: Yes baby, those are called Robins, aren't they pretty?

Munchkin: Can I go step on them?

Me: No sweetie, that's not a good idea.

Munchkin: Why?

Me: Because they will peck your toes off....

Was that the right answer?

Monday, May 05, 2008

Two Great Tastes...


John Mayer + Jennifer Aniston = Sign me up! Make me the filling for a "Maniston sandwich."

According to the recent Us Weekly and in Touch magazines, these two might be an item. That's a win-win I tell you. Anyway I look at it, me likey!

Saturday, May 03, 2008

BPA = Big Pain in Ass

It seems like there are new things popping up everyday that cause parents to freak the hell out over what they are allowing their children to eat or play with. First it was having to throw out every single toy we spent hard earned money on, because China was trying to kill us with lead paint. Now it's the levels of BPA in all of the products that we allow our infants to eat from. I know, I know, give them the boob and you have nothing to worry about. Easier said than done when:

1. You have twins that eat at the same time, and a toddler that demands major amounts of attention just as you sit down to feed.

And 2. When you don't produce enough milk to feed said twins, you have to supplement with bottles of formula anyway.

I've been doing tons of research on BPA free products. It's all very expensive and the ones that are on the cheaper end get bad ratings. It seems that I've chosen poorly with the Avent airflex we invested a shit ton of money on. They rank about as low as it goes. Not only do they contain BPA, but Avent as a company, is pretty much refusing to jump on the bandwagon and admit that their product is flawed. The option for continuing to use Avent is to switch to the Tempo, and use the disposable inserts. More money, and more of an impact on the environment with the disposing of all of those inserts. But, I already have a ton of nipples that are interchangeable.

BornFree is an option, if you want to pay $10.00 per bottle. This would not be such a big deal if I wasn't having to feed 2 babies, 6-8 times a day. It's either fork out the cash, or spend more time washing the bottles after each use.

I've even thought about heating in BPA free bottles and pouring into the Avents that we already have. Still a pain in the ass, but I would only need a couple, not a complete and total overhaul.

No matter how I look at this dilemma, it's going to cost a lot of money or cause me more time over the sink. The thought of throwing out all of the bottles we have, some never even used, makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.

Regardless of cost, it's worth it for the health of our babies. I just can't help but wonder how much of this is Chicken Little with the sky falling. It seems like it's always something. I still maintain that any day now they are going to realize that it's not the sun that causes skin cancer, but the lotion you use to protect yourself from the sun. Just wait.

Friday, May 02, 2008

May Day.

Today our little miracles are 7 weeks old. Today is also the day they were due. It's hard to believe that these babies have been gracing us with their sweet presence for almost 2 months now. They are getting so big, growing faster than I could have imagined. "Mary Kate" now weighs 7 lbs 13 oz, and "Kate" is weighing in at 7 lbs 14 oz. We go for our 2 month check up next week and "Mary Kate" has a follow up ultrasound for her kidney/bladder problem, and a meeting with the Pediatric Urologist. We are hoping for some good news.

We are truly blessed and thankful for all of the continued support we receive from all of our family and friends. Now, if someone could just tell me how to get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, all of our prayers will be answered!


"Ashley" and Munchkin

"Mary Kate"