Friday, February 29, 2008


I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that has been checking in on me while I've been here this week. I have received so many well wishes, emails, phone calls and goodies. A special HOLLA! to MommaKim and her AWESOME Husband, who set me up with this laptop to use while on lockdown. It has been a complete lifesaver. I can't thank you enough.

The books, magazines, flowers, food, babysitting, and hospital visits have meant so much to me. My sister, who left to go back to Kentucky today, even went and bought me a new bra. I had been walking around without one, because my rib cage has expanded so much that nothing I have fits. I resembled something you would see in National Geographic. Boobs aren't supposed to touch your belly and it's really not an appropriate look for visitors, you can thank me later.

Thanks again to everyone - there are too many to name, but you know who you are!

I love you all!!

You Boo Boo?

Nurse slang for:

When was your last dump?

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I Finally Get It!!

Since I've been on lockdown, I've loaded my Netflix with tons of things I've been wanting to see, but didn't want to start in the middle of the series. Grey's Anatomy was at the top of my list. Yes! I do exist. An actual person that has not watched that show, but I'm watching now, and me likey!

I never really understood the McDreamy attraction. I mean Patrick Dempsey is an attractive guy, but not someone that would have made my "list." For some reason in his role as Derek Shepard, he makes me melt. Maybe it's the hormones, the Ambien or lack of sex happening now (for obvious reasons,) but he makes me feel warm and tingly, and me likey!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Breakfast of Champions.

Nothing says "Good Morning Sunshine" like a hand up your Who-Ha before 8 o'clock in the morning. My Doctor came in this morning a little concerned about the amount of contractions that were showing up on my monitor, so she decided to check for dilation.

While searching around for my cervix she says to me, and I quote "it's really hiding in there." Now, I'm certainly no Doctor, but how many hiding spots could there possibly be? Shouldn't it be in the same place every time? Why does my cervix like to play games? All I could think was, this was no time for a game of hide and seek, my bagel was due to arrive any second, and the last thing I needed was someone from food services getting an eyeful of my tricky cervix.

Lesson I learned? Order breakfast after the Doctor makes her rounds.

Ahhhh, Ambien.

Fool me once, shame on me. I can't believe I have been missing out on this little piece of heaven!

After not sleeping more than about an hour my first night here in lockdown, I opted for a little bit of assistance last night and WOW! What a difference a pill makes. I'm not normally a fan of taking medicine, not even Tylenol, unless I absolutely need it, but this stuff rocks. I took only a half because I was afraid it would make me jittery (this happens with some of the OTC meds that are supposed to make me drowsy.)

I got up early this morning to pee and felt like I was coming in from Bell Bottoms after a night of dancing and drinking. I totally had a buzz and I won't lie, it felt so good. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had a buzz? For over a year now, I've been either pregnant, or trying to get pregnant, and Jack and Coke has been absent from my vocabulary and taste buds. Although I do love my Whiskey, this is a buzz without the repercussions of having overly indulged.

Is this stuff addictive? Should I start asking for a whole pill and stashing half of it away for after this hospital stay.... I see an episode of INTERVENTION in my future.

Here's to you Ambien, my new found friend.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Code Yellow, Stat.

Hospital slang for:

Get your pregnant ass in the hall a tornado is coming.

Lockdown. Day One.

I was having a really hard time trying to stay positive about being away from my life for this extended period of time. I've been trying really hard to look at this like a vacation, like I was checking into a hotel, or getting a little down time before all hell broke loose. I couldn't have been more delusional.

I know it is only the first day and we have a lot of kinks to work out, but the "technical" problems aren't helping. My air isn't working right, the monitors aren't connected properly to the Nurses station, and to top that all off, there is some type of call button malfunction happening, and the Nurses keep buzzing in here to see what they can do to help me. I'm really fighting the urge to go all hormonal on them, it's way to early in my stay for that.

Hopefully we will get into a better routine in the next day or so. Maybe they will realize that I'm here to monitor the babies, not because I need to tell them the approximate time of my last dump, or how many ounces I pee'd on my last trip to the bathroom.

They offered me a sleeping pill, I foolishly declined. I'm beginning to rethink my decision.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Pop Goes the Beebo!

My belly button has officially popped out. This never happened with the Munchkin. It was close, but I'm definitely bigger now than I ever was with her. At the Doctor last week, I was measuring 38 weeks, I was only 29! Can you imagine having to carry multiples full term?

I used to think that a popped out belly button was gross, but it's kind of growing on me. I'm starting to think it's cute, like a little accessory underneath my t-shirt. The problem is the Munchkin thinks it's a button of sorts that needs to be pressed. She does this now instead of talking to the babies through it, or trying to push Goldfish through there when she thinks the babies need to eat.

Things are definitely different this time. If I do take these babies another 4 weeks, it should be interesting to see what else I get to experience. Completely and total hugeness is a given....

Friday, February 22, 2008

Moronic Jackass.

That was the best I could come up with today when this shithead (now I can think of something) tried to run us over in the Target parking lot. I would like to say it's because I have been diligent at controlling my language in front of the Munchkin, but in reality I was completely shocked that this man never saw us.

Munchkin and I were leaving the store and had stopped outside to have a conversation about why we have to be careful in parking lots, and that if she wasn't going to ride in the buggy, she had to hold my hand or the side of the cart. Do you see the object lesson forming here? Not one minute after I finished my lecture, this man in a pick up truck backed out of his spot right into the cart, I grabbed the Munchkin up, pulled the cart back and rammed the side of his truck. Then he noticed us. He rolled down his window and began apologizing, saying that he was so afraid he was going to hit the man with kids, parked on the other side, that he didn't even see us.... Really? No shit! I proceeded to tell him that he was a Moronic Jackass that needs to be more careful, and pay more attention to his surroundings. I rambled off a few other things that ended with how he could have killed my kid. It was all I could do not to punch him in the nose. He may have sensed this, as it was about the same time he rolled up his window and drove away.

I'm sure I was a sight to see, big ass belly, Munchkin, haphazardly slung on my left hip, buggy full, yelling at a man in a truck.

I'm not sure how long it will stick, but now the Munchkin knows what happens when cars don't pay attention in the parking lot. She talked about the man that hit our buggy all the way home. We should really be talking about how "Hormonal Mommy" didn't drop the "F" bomb on the man in the parking lot.... I think there may be a lesson to learn there too.

Monday, February 18, 2008

I Heart Kate (and her 8)

I'm sure many of you know about the reality show on TLC, Jon and Kate, plus 8. It's about a couple that has 2 sets of multiples, a set of twins and sextuplets.

I've just recently taken an interest in this show, and have the new season set up on my DVR. I caught a little marathon of some older episodes this weekend, and I'm absolutely amazed at this woman. I think I may have developed some type of little crush on her. Not the kind of crush that I have on Kate Hudson, and my Jennifers. It's not the kind of attraction that makes you questions your sexuality, but one of complete admiration. I find her complete "OCD-ness" of cleanliness, and organization comforting. This woman manages her 8 kids and still finds the time to mop her kitchen floors three times a day, usually on her hands and knees.

There is hope for life with multiples, although I still plan to keep my cleaning lady as long as Hubby says I can. I may admire her, but I ain't crazy!!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

False Alarm

Week 29 and my paranoia has officially taken over. Mary Kate and Ashely gave us a little scare last night that landed us in the Labor and Delivery until 11:00pm.

I was feeling a little crampy yesterday afternoon and laid down with the Munchkin to rest. When we got up things seemed normal and I was trying my best to write it off as ligament pains. After dinner, the girls are usually very kicky and punchy, but after about an hour and 1 pretty solid feeling contraction, I wasn't feeling any movement. Hubby was upstairs putting the Munchkin down when I decided, I would rather be safe than sorry, so off to the hospital we went.

They hooked me up to the monitors, checked for dilation (none, phew!) and of course the little trouble makers started having a party in my uterus, making me look like a complete and total psycho chick. After tracing their heart beats for over an hour, the Nurses and Doctor on call agreed that everything looked fine. I only contracted once in that time and the heartbeats accelerated through the contraction, as they should.

Crisis averted. I was not prepared to have these babies last night. Hair wasn't washed, legs (and wussy) weren't shaved... Note to self: No more short cuts in the shower until further notice.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Checking In?

It looks like my days are numbered. After meeting with my Doctor this week, we have agreed on February 25th as my admitting day. The day that I will check into my own version of "Chateau Marmont."

This understated "Resort" is nestled snuggly on the outskirts of Downtown Birmingham. Views from the rooms overlook the trees that block the sights of the downtown skyline. Some of the suites will have a great view of the nearby shopping mall, and of course the backside of another brick building.

Amenities include:

Private bathroom in each suite, featuring a button that will beckon the Nurse on call in the event of a bathing catastrophe.

Mini Fridge - completely un-stocked

Beds with built in controls that will maneuver up, down, high or low.

Flat screen television, with DVD capabilities.

One touch summoning to the central control center, a.k.a Nurses station.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed.

Non - Complimentary Valet parking for all guests.

All rooms are conveniently located two stories above the cafeteria, and the brand new Starbucks - Now Open!

While not following the mainstream of your everyday Resort & Spa, "Resort A La Hospital" boasts it's minimal approach to decorating, and services, and believes that each guest will check out with something more precious than the memories of their accommodations.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Ask and Ye Shall Receive.

The task of potty training the Munchkin has really taken a back seat lately. It's been too difficult to find a few days in a row where things aren't completely chaotic with appointments, or at home visits from the Nurse.

On Sunday, I knew that we would be home all day, and the Munchkin was asking for Big Girl Panties. This request came from seeing BFF take Lil' Pimp to the potty like a big boy. She suddenly seemed interested. So I put her in her big girl pants and proceeded to take her to the potty every 20-30 minutes, asking in between if she needed to go. We went upstairs, sat, waited, and read books like always. After a little while the Munchkin bent over to look between her legs and tell her Girlie Parts, "Come on, you can do it, just think about it." A few minutes later, the Munchkin says to me, "I think I hear something" and sure enough - Pee!

Who knew? All you have to do is ask.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Dinner of Champions.. or the Pregnant.

I'm not sure you can classify my new eating habits as exemplary.

For dinner last night:

5:00pm - Snacked on spinach dip and chips

8:45pm - Handful of almonds while searching the pantry for just the right "dinner"

9:00pm - Settled on pizza rolls, gold fish and caffeine free coke

9:45pm - The absolute largest helping you have ever seen of Bryers Heath Bar Ice Cream.

While I haven't had many cravings during my pregnancy, this ice cream is something I MUST have, every night. There's just some type of orgasmic effect you get when you surrender yourself to these cravings. And since there's a no sex rule in this house for fear of pre-term labor... Bring on the Heath Bar, baby! Hubby will take two!

Panic Sets In.

While extremely excited to have made it past the 28 week mark, I now realize that things are about to start moving very fast and I'm not ready.

Hubby and I have tried very hard to keep a clear head about our situation. Not being pessimists, more like realists. We knew early on that if we didn't make it to 28 weeks or beyond, our chances of bringing home 2 babies, healthy or otherwise, was not good. We also knew that we may be forced to make some very tough decisions about "sacrificing" one for the other. With every day that passes, we are that much closer to bringing both of our beautiful girls home. Home to absolutely nothing. No cribs or furniture, car seats, clothing, diapers... nothing. Facing the worst possible scenario, the thought of having to look at all of that set up in a nursery, was too much to handle. I've turned down baby showers, not knowing how to handle returning things to people if something went wrong. I've held off buying anything because I wasn't sure if I would need 1 or 2. As we progress, I realize that I am completely unprepared.

Hubby and I sat yesterday and researched the expansive world wide web, looking for the best twin products, reading reviews and consumer reports. It's just so much to think about, what do we do will all of the "single" stuff we already have.

We do have the room almost painted. They will sleep in the pack in play for a little while when they are released from the NICU, those things I know. Other than that, I'm at a loss.

Thinking about this any more is going to cause me an early labor!!!

Friday, February 08, 2008

28 Weeks (and 1 day)

I am happy to report that "Mary Kate & Ashley" are continuing to cooperate, and play nice with each other in their little cocoon. We have officially reached our first big milestone of 28 weeks. I'm sure most of you understand what this means for their development and viability - it's good! Very good.

We had a series of really good reports this week. We met with a Pediatric Urologist who seems to think that the kidney issue is not as severe as the OB at UAB has described. Not that it won't be an issue, but after learning more about the defect, we realize that it's not a lost cause. He said that even if there is an obstruction, or reflux, often times those can be repaired. If it truly is a non functioning kidney, people live with one kidney all the time. There really isn't a way to determine any severity issues until she is born. The chances that this would be life threatening would come only if infection were to set in, but they prepare for that on the front end with antibiotics.

We were also able to meet with 2 of the 3 NICU Doctors on staff, and they gave us the run down of how things will go once the babies are delivered. There will be a team of people in the room awaiting their arrival, and making sure that they have everything they need, and assessing them for any complications. We felt very comfortable with their experience, and knowledge. Very important when you think in terms of your babies lives being in their hands.

My Non Stress Tests went well this week, and I am now being monitored daily. Once we reach week 30, we will re-evaluate the possibility of me being admitted to the hospital to await their arrival.

All in all, it's been a great week! We are trying very hard to not be lulled into a false sense of security. We are very aware that things could change in 5 minutes, but we are definitely thankful to have made it this far, and are only more determined than ever to get them both here safe and sound. They have a very anxious "Big Sister" waiting to meet them, and maybe even boss them around a little.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Belly Violator

I realize that there are people in this world that have this uncontrollable urge or impulse to touch someones pregnant belly. I do not understand this, as I lack said urge. I would never think to walk up to someone I do not know and touch them. Anywhere. Pregnant or not. It's just not normal.

As the belly grows, it seems to be drawing more attention. When I say twins, you can see it in their eye, they want to touch, rub and completely accost me. Some people have good self control. Others? Not so much.

I was in a shoe store the other day when the cashier was making small talk about the babies, a clever tactic. She distracted me by asking questions and getting me involved in the answers about my twin girls and then, BAM! Hands on belly as she was asking if she could touch. She didn't just touch, she rubbed, in big circles, with both hands. This happened so fast, she had made 2 good rubs around and grazed a breast, before I could step back and mumble something to the Munchkin about needing to get going. Who does this? It's weird, creepy and made me feel dirty. Not dirty in a, "was it good for you, I need a cigarette kind of way." Dirty as in just plain violated way. This lady better be glad I didn't bite her hands off like a guard dog. Woof! Woof! Bitches, don't touch my belly.

Unless you are family, a close friend, or maybe in the knocked up club yourself, keep your hands off me, people. It's still my belly.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Happy Fat Tuesday!

I can't believe it's been 4 years since we were partaking in the drunken fun that is "Mardi Gras." It was Hubby's 30th birthday that weekend, so we decided there was no better way to celebrate.

I don't remember a whole lot about one of the nights, it could have been the alcohol, or the fact that the alcohol made me fall into a gutter, and crank my head on the side of a metal trash can. Things are a little fuzzy after that. All I'm left with are some very discriminating photos, lots of beads (hmmmmm?) and the stories from those who were affected only by alcohol, and not a concussion.

Documentation of our fun... Enjoy!

Before the Ball

Hubby and Agent B

BFF, Me and AM

The girls again

Me getting a "tatoo" and giving some old pervert a cheap thrill.

Me and the girls, feeling pretty good.

Me and BFF... Getting ready for our night out..

Happy Mardi Gras everyone!!

Monday, February 04, 2008

"Ass" ident

To say that I have been frazzled over the last week, would be an understatement. With funeral services for our best friend, appointments with Doctors all over Birmingham, home health monitoring, chasing a toddler, and being pregnant with twins, I've been a little on the distracted side.

We were headed out to a Super Bowl party, actually getting out of the house on time and headed to pick up Random Mommy and her crew. I was doing good. I buckled the Munchkin in, loaded the goodies we were taking, and promptly backed into Hubby's car. Yup! Didn't even see it parked there. Where he parks it everyday, mind you. Munchkin, always the observant one says: "Mommy hit the wall?" (Our garage is small, my car is big, I frequently pull in too far, and "tap" the wall with my front bumper, no biggie.)

***I also need to add this disclaimer: RM's Husband had already been by to pick Hubby up and take him to the party early. He was gone, in my mind, his car shouldn't have been there.

Thankful that she asked that question and didn't scream "shit" like I did, I replied: "No Baby, Mommy hit Daddy's car." I got out to try and inspect the damage, it was raining, his car is black, it was tough to tell the extent of the damage. I knew it was dented, I just didn't know how bad. My car on the other hand, fine.

As if she were channeling her inner Rain Man, when I got back into the car, the Munchkin was repeating over and over, "Mommy hit Daddy's car, it's ok Mommy, it's an "ass"ident." Knowing that this 2 year old was going to rat me out as soon as we walked in the door, I had no choice but to call Hubby and explain the situation. On the outside, he was totally cool. Maybe it helped that he had already been drinking. On the inside I know he was fighting the urge to lecture me on paying more attention, and being more careful. Easier said than done when you have 2 little life forms sucking any trace amount of brain matter you had left after your first child.

Mommy brain at it's finest. Heaven help me if it gets any worse.