Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Where are the Brakes on this Thing?

I've been trying desperately to slow this thing down for about 2 years now. This "thing" I refer to is Life. It is going by way to fast and I don't like it, at all.

Discussions have begun with some of my friends about putting the kiddies in some type of Mothers Day Out programs, and about looking for Pre Schools. The thought of this makes me physically sick, ok, maybe just emotionally sick, but I can't stand the thought of my little Munchkin heading off to school... period.

I used to think that I would be the Mom that wasn't so attached. The one that would be dumping her kid off with anyone that would keep her, so I could do my "Mommy things", only I've realized that she is my "thing", and I love it.

If I send her off to school, sure I could get the house cleaned faster, but who's going to help me swiffer, while saying "I help"? I could get in and out of the grocery store in record time, but who's little voice will be there to say, "cookie mama, cookie"?

I do know that we have to be proactive about her education, we absolutely want the best for her, which means doing the research now and getting on the waiting lists for next year (or the next, even 2010 is looking pretty good). It's suddenly becoming very real.

I know that she needs to learn a little about life without me being there ALL. THE. TIME. And a classroom environment will be good for her, but until I can get these brakes working, she's not going anywhere!

Monday, July 30, 2007

iNeed - iPhone

My Hubby has been drooling over this phone since the day it was revealed - he even watched it live via the internet. How awesome would it be if I could win one, for me of course!

You know who else is big on these phones? My boyfriend John, I know he's got all the money in the world, why won't he just buy me one?

Over at JohnCow.com they they have the most excellent web hosting provider in the pasture. They are having a cowpetition and are giving away a $500 prize! Here’s your (my) chance to win a Playstation3, or an Xbox360, a Nintendo Wii, an iPhone.. you name it, they’ll pay it! While your there, check out their blog

So check it out, but don't enter the contest and screw up my chances to win!

Weight Loss and Poverty Made Easy

Grrrr. All of my life my teeth have been weak. It's not from lack of care. My Father was super strict when we were growing up about brushing, not eating sweets and keeping sodas to a minimum. Nothing ever helped me, I had so many cavities growing up, I never got any "little stars" around my picture at the Dentists office. Scarred for life? Not really, but still, what a cruel thing to do, displayed for everyone to see in the lobby, kids with good teeth and then me.

So over the weekend, while watching one of our movies and eating some popcorn, I broke a tooth. Again, Grrrr. Now that I stay at home with the Munchkin, I don't have dental insurance, so this work will have to be paid for out of pocket. I explained to Hubby many times that I am one of those people that HAS to have insurance, (this will be my 3rd crown) Funny, but I think he is looking in to it seriously now.

I called to make an appointment, and ask about the cost. About $660.00 for the crown, and that does not include cleaning or x-rays, for which I am long over due. Did I mention that I am absolutely terrified of the Dentist? I've only been back once since the Munchkin was born, and have been putting off my yearly cleaning for about 9 months now.

The only good thing coming out of this? Weight loss. Because I'm scared that the remaining part of this tooth will break if I'm not careful, I'm pretty much eating soup or not much at all. Look out beach, I just might lose that 10 pounds before our trip!

Sunday, July 29, 2007


This weekend has been all family, all weekend, and it's been terrific!

Hubby took a much needed day off on Friday, and we headed down the the McWane Center to explore a place none of us had been to....I know, bad parents, bad citizens of Birmingham. I must say that I was completely blown away, I was actually impressed. Birmingham has done something right, and it rocks. The Munchkin had a blast and I was informed that we completely missed an entire level of fun, I'm not even sure we could have handled much more, we were starving and exhausted after 2 1/2 hours there.

We headed over to a local pizza place for some lunch, Davenports in Mountain Brook, a.k.a "The Tiny Kingdom". I highly suggest checking this place out. They lost points for not serving any type of cheese bread or appetizer, but quickly made that up by bringing me a sweet tea to go, before I even asked.. big bonus points in my book.

For dinner we hit a new Mexican restaurant called Iguana Grill -- YUM-O. Check it out, for real.

Saturday, we mostly did nothing. Hubby worked on another project that has been incomplete for a year, so it was nice getting that marked off the list.

Sunday, "The Fam" decided to take a 4 mile walk in the 90 degree heat, good exercise, although I thought at one point I was actually going to die!

That's it, other than watching a few movies in between all of the activities, that pretty much sums up our weekend-o-fun. Hope you had a good one too!

*** Side note: I do realize that this post completely sucks, not really sure why I felt the need to share all of these earth shattering events and shameless plugs. I'll do better this week, I promise.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Literary Incompetence

I've seen this post going around on some blogs that I read, Mommapeas, by way of Blue Momma, who stole it from Dani, who got it from Rachel.

Anyway, I've decided to make a few changes, hope you don't mind! Feel free to steal, and make it your own.

From the list below:

-Bold the ones you’ve read
-Italicize the ones you want to read
-leave the ones you aren't interested in as they are

Goodnight Moon - by Margaret Wise Brown
The Going To Bed Book - Sandra Boynton
Hey Wake Up - Sandra Boynton

Snuggle Puppy - Sandra Boynton
Where is Baby's Belly Button? - Karen Katz
Go Dog Go - Dr. Seuss
Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can you? - Dr. Seuss
Love You Forever - Robert Munsch
Good Night God - Holly Bea
Guess How Much I Love You - Sam McBratney
The Very Hungry Caterpillar - Eric Carle
Pat The Bunny - Dorothy Kundhardt
Sweet Dreams Mimi - Julie Aigner-Clark
Counting Kisses - Karen Katz
That's Not My Lion - Fiona Watt

It was truly embarrassing how little I had read from the original list. I'm better than 50% on this one, bitches!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Helllllooo Luva......

Look what my boyfriend sent me!

I was hoping for something closer, maybe front row, but he insisted that he didn't want anyone getting the "wrong impression" about us. He better not be talking about Jessica again, skank.

Personally I think he is still having problems getting over the fact that he's not my baby daddy.

Men! So petty.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Random Nothingness for Today

It only took me 1 year and 2 months in this "new" house to completely decorate the smallest room we have! Yay, me! Way to procrastinate. Can we say lazy ass?

Met some friends for some last minute fun at Chuck E Cheese. Have realized that the Munchkin is turning into a "mean girl". Yelling at 2 different kids in the first 30 seconds we were there. NO! is her new favorite word, and she did not hesitate to use this on everyone that even thought they were going to play on one of the rides she wasn't on yet, but had intentions of getting around too. This most likely comes from spending too much time isolated in the house with me, giving her everything she asks for because I really don't care to share her dump truck ALL. DAY.

I excercised my new found "Green-ness" by using my canvas bags at the grocery store today, I may be moving out of my shade of "sage green", seeing as I bought my Seventh Generation laundry and dish soap to go in my canvas bag. Although points will be deducted for driving away in my gas guzzling SUV.

I'm feeling so good about my new cleaning schedule, thanks to Mommapeas and her recommendation of this site. I'm so caught up on things, those rare chores are getting done and I don't feel like I spend all of my time cleaning. Two thumbs up for this schedule.

My Mom thinks I'm fat, actually she said that I looked pregnant. I'm not, so this translates into "you look fat".. Too late Mom. it's out there now. No going back on this one, unless it was your way of feeling me out to see if I really am pregnant, (I'm not) and you knew I wouldn't come right out and tell you until later. I'm not!

Bringing me to my last bit of nothingness for the day -

I've started working out and eating better, or at least less at each meal. We are headed to the beach at the end of the summer and I would like to firm up and maybe drop a few pounds in the process.

Bye-Bye Milo's Cheeseburgers with Grilled Onions, I will miss you.

Monday, July 23, 2007

My Baby Is Better Than Your Baby.

Is she really? Well of course my Munchkin is the best in my eyes, as I am sure your little Munchkins are better than all others too. But why in this already difficult world of Mommyhood, do some Mommies find it necessary to compare and thus judge what your child may or may not be doing?

Recently it has been brought to my attention, that there is a child Munchkins age that can count to 10 completely unassisted, and say almost the entire alphabet. Another child that is 4 months younger is already potty trained.

While inquiring, not to me mind you, but to my Mom, about the Munchkins potty abilities, "said person" found that my lack of "consistency" must be the issue...

Um, Yeah! Hello?

Who wants to sit on the floor in the bathroom for days on end? I would never make it to my salon appointments and would most definitely miss out on my Soap Operas, as the cord from the television won't reach the bathroom.

Normally these kinds of things don't get to me, but for some reason lately, it's been piling up and going unsaid, and since I'm too chicken shit to call people out in person, I decided to do it here. Stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks and get over your own insecurities about what your child is or isn't doing, love on your kid a little more, and support your fellow Mommies, because at the end of the day, do your really think any of these kids are going to college in diapers?

Now, if you will excuse me, the Brady/DiMera feud is heating up on Days and my toes could use a fresh coat.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Six Weeks and Counting....

Kickoff six weeks from today!! Woo-Hoo!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Look Ma' No Hands

What is it with my child and grossness? She's such a cute little girl. Sweet & funny but completely disgusting.

Adding to the list that started with eating food out of her own "Beebo" the other day, we can add:

Trying to lick the tires on my car,

Eating raisins off the ground at a water park,

Trying to eat her pancake out of the trash,

and my favorite for this week....

Playing with her poop!

I referred to this in my last post about the exciting afternoon I had. I guess I should preface this by saying that Munchkin started this new thing of sticking her hands down the back of her diaper, and just walking around, hanging out like they are pockets or something. We've been catching her, and correcting this, knowing that the time would come when she would actually stick her hands in her own poo. Ack!

I went to get her from the nap she didn't take, to find poop in the bed, up her back, all over her clothes, EVERYWHERE!! The grossest? Under her tiny, little fingernails, Double ACK!

If you are a Mom yourself and reading this, you know the feeling of "Where do I even start?" She's begging me to get her up, I'm begging her not to touch me and trying to figure out just how bad a Clorox bath would be for her skin.

Managing to get her in the bath, scrubbing her close to a new layer of skin. I clipped her already very short little nails down even farther and begin stripping the bed. She stood there watching, making a move for every one of her "loveys" that hit the pile. As I screamed "EWWW, Dirty, No Touch" She watched patiently until her Aubie came over the rails and proclaimed in all of her cuteness..

"OH, MAN".....

My thoughts exactly!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Belly Button Left Overs!

I know, 2 posts in one day. The sad thing is I have so much more material all from this afternoon, but this just had to be said.

After a dinner of Chicken and Rice, I'm cleaning up the mounds of food on the floor and all around, wiping down the counters and table when I see the Munchkin sitting on the floor eating something..... I mean really, I just swept the floor, what has she found?

Upon further inspection, my little "Chip-Munchkin" has stored away some rice in her belly button!!!

"Baby, eat" she says to me.

Sadly, I say, "Ok, baby eat, you win"

Overcomplicating Things....Again!

All I'm wanting to do is hang a damn Pottery Barn puzzle in the Munchkins bathroom, is that too much to ask?

Because I've been trying to channel my inner Martha Stewart, and mostly because I have this crazy ability to buy things that are going to be discontinued in 30 minutes, I thought I would be all creative and crafty and glue this large floor puzzle (2x3) together, frame it and hang it on the wall. The motif I have going in her bathroom is the ABC theme that Pottery Barn had last year. I bought most of the collection, but wasn't sure what to put on the walls. I decided to stick with the theme and went back to the store to find that it was longer available, I wandered the store in hopes of finding something, anything that would go with the "too much money I had already spent on this decorating project" project. I found the puzzle and had my bright idea.

I've been putting this off for months and finally last week decided to just finish it. I went today to get a frame - I found the exact size, yay me! Of course I get it home and start putting it together to find it's too thick for the frame once you add the puzzle to it, so now I will have to glue the frame around the clear plexi and puzzle, then glue that part to the board with the brackets so that I can hang it on the wall. Confused? Me too!

All of this time, energy and money spent because I'm too lazy and cheap to go and find something else already made!! Ironic.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Time Outs? Time To Play!

Ha! Is what her facial expression told me today when I put the Munchkin in her first ever time-out. The Hubby and I were just talking the other night about how fortunate we have been on the disciplinarian side of parenting, so far.

The Munchkin truly is a "good" child. Rarely throws tantrums, does what she is told and, until today she hasn't been very destructive.

While being a good parent and paying her the utmost attention today... um, reading the book for book club tonight, I caught the Munchkin trying to tear pages out of one of her books. I took it away and explained that we have to be nice to our books, we have to be gentle. I redirected her and went back to reading. A little while later, things were quiet (my Mom was right about this never being a good thing) I went to find the little Angel, sitting in the floor vandalizing another one of her books, what the hell?

Does she not understand that in this household things will not be replaced so easily and that we have to learn to respect the things that Mommy & Daddy give us? Money does not grow on trees.. Oh wait, she's 21 months old.. Okay, so I sit her in the chair and explain to her that she is in time out, she squeals with delight, claps her hands and says, Yay!!

No, yay! This is serious business, Ma'am. I explain to her again about being nice to her books and tell her to sit on her bottom. She does for about 2 seconds and then begins flopping around like a headless chicken.

After correcting her again, I begin to think I should set the DVR for Supernanny.

WWJD - What Would Jo Do?

After 2 minutes, I came back around the corner, and explained to her again why she was in trouble. She went down for her nap saying, "No, no, tear books, nice"

Success? To be determined.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Move Over Martha!


I just finished a beginner sewing class where they taught me to make an actual dress. A dress that is reversible at that!

I'm so proud that it's finally finished. The class has been over for a couple of weeks now, but I just finished putting the buttons on it today. So, maybe I lack Martha's initiative, but hey, it's done.

I'm beginning to think I go over board with the brown and pink!

Melting, Swelling, Mess.

We had the best weekend with the little Munchkin. She is transforming into such a little human. The things she does, and the things she says, continue to amaze me on a daily basis.

I came home from the grocery store yesterday, and while I was unloading the car, she ran into the kitchen and said "Hi Mommy, I gad you ome" I looked at her for a second before realizing what she said, I asked her to say it again, and she repeated, "Hi Mommy, I gad you ome".... I'm glad your home!! Where did she learn this and how did she know when to use it?

It's hard to believe that my heart could swell and melt all at the same time!

Isn't being a Mom the coolest thing ever?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Excuses, Excuses.

We had dinner last night with some friends of ours. After a comment that the other Husband made about not "getting enough" and his wife being on her period for 122 days straight..... (Disclaimer applies here.) I got to thinking about the excuses that women, and maybe even a few men use to avoid sex.

First we have the good old fashioned headache... Does this really work? I mean, unless it's a full blown migraine, which you may or may not have to do some background work in creating history on, does this really affect your ability to perform?

Next we have "Aunt Flo"... Again, not really sure why this one works so well. It only gives you a window of around 4 - 7 days and it's easy to disprove if you are lying. A very attentive, "hard-up", if you will, husband, will notice the lack of wrappers in the trash. Plus, not every "avenue" is affected by good ole' Aunt Flo.. if you know what I mean.

The newest ones I have heard are..... Yeast Infection or Hemorrhoid Flare Up. These I think have potential, time frame is open ended, hard to disprove, it only leaves room for the other "avenues" scenario I mentioned before.

So, what excuses do you use? And do they really work?


Just in case you don't know, if you hang out with me, anything you say can and will be used against you in this blog. You have been warned!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Are You Ready For Some Football?

This gets me fired up!

War Damn Eagle!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

My Chemical Romance.

My long standing love affair with cleaning chemicals is coming to an end, slowly, but we are getting there. We are going GREEN. I am replacing all of my household cleaners, with non-toxic, environmentally friendly products.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the farce of a movie that Mr. Al, "I use $30,000 worth of power a year at my Tennessee mansion", Gore produced. But it's more about the health of my child and future children. There are studies being done now to see if there is a link between autism and household cleaners, and these chemicals have already been linked to asthma in children.

If you read my blog you know that Autism flat out scares the shit out of me, and I will do anything in my power to cut down on the risks to my sweet Munchkin...

So, the smell of bleach will no longer equal clean in my mind -- it's all about the Green.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Good Times and Lost Money

We had a great time this weekend at the casino. I won. Hubby lost. Overall, "we" lost.

Money aside the company was great. I think the men were able to bond at the poker table. (and by bond I mean get completely shit-faced and lose all of our money) And us girls had fun making a little money at the craps table. Me playing footsie with the man at the next table (gross, don't ask) Yankee Belle, spewing her gum across the chips and Random Mommy came away with a great new name for the baby, Reggie. Strong and classic, how could you not like that name?

Good times had by all. Here are a couple of pics!

Me and the Girls

Me and Hubby

Monday, July 09, 2007

That's Not My Pube.

That's not my pube. It's texture is not right.
That's not my pube. It's color is too dark.
That's not my pube. It is too curly.
That's not my pube. It is too long.
That's not my pube. It was here before we checked in. Ewwww!

Don't you hate spending good money for a nice hotel only to find something left behind from the previous guests? Pube's in the shower are the worst!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Seven, Seven, Ohhhh Seven

We are off to the casino, how could you not be with a date like this?

The Munchkin will not be making this trip with us, this will be the first time that we have left her in almost 2 years. I was gone once, but she stayed with Hubby. He has been gone several times on business, and she of course was with me. This is the first time that it actually counts.

Of course I am sad to leave her, but I know that on some level it will be good for her(and us). We will only be gone for about 24 hours and she will sleep most of that time. So, off we go!

Look out craps table! Front Line Winner on the way!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

My Hair Affairs

I finally made a little time for myself and scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut, and my unruly eyebrows waxed.

The first affair that I had today was with the new girl cutting my hair. My previous girl, I really liked. She did a good job, but the prices were so incredibly high, I found myself putting off getting a much needed trim, because I'm too cheap to drop the $65.00 they charged for just a cut. No color, no waxing, CUT ONLY!

The second affair came with the the gay shampoo guy. This one caught me off guard and I'm still not sure if I should admit this fling to the Hubby.

Is a "hair affair" considered cheating? Surly not, he was gay after all.

It all started with a question that I found odd:

Gay Shampoo Guy: Are you tender headed at all?

Me: Um.. No?

Gay Shampoo Guy: Ok, good.....

{{{{Scrubbing Begins}}}}

{{{{Que 70's porn music}}}}

The scrubbing at first was fast a furious, invigorating my scalp. Then slow and gentle, as he began to massage my temples and down the back of my neck, I begin to think I shouldn't be enjoying this quite so much, this just seemed wrong, but it felt so right!

Just as I begin to relax and give in to the goodness that was overcoming me, he started the conditioning process, again fast and furious turns into slow and gentle. Mmmmm, Feels. So. Good.... Wait, what is that? I couldn't happen to notice that my left shoulder was being molested by his, um.. "baby Huey"

{{{{ Needle scratches across the record }}}}

All of this and it's cheaper than the old place?

I feel dirty, so ashamed, yet oddly refreshed.

It was the best damn shampoo I have ever had!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Poop Day Everyone!

Yes, I realize that today is the 4th of July, Independence Day, the day with all of the fireworks and from now on, it will also be known as the day the Munchkin pooped in the potty for the first time.. Yay!

Not even a week after her first successful Tee-Tee, to which there have been no more, mind you. She has officially experienced the full realm of possibilities for using the potty... You may be thinking I've left out puking, but she mastered that long ago when she had that "vomit bug" that was going around.

If only she were a little older, just think what a great reward it would have been, a huge fireworks show from our "Friend" Vulcan. All because she pooped in the potty. Darn it! We could have been the coolest parents ever!

Off I go to document her successes in the baby book.

Oh, and Happy 4th to you and yours!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Doomp Tuck.

This is the Munchkin's newest word(s). Anyone want to take a guess? Leave me a comment if you think you know!

It just might be one of the cutest things she says right now.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Work in Progress

So, I'm bored yet again and have decided to play around with my blog and it's design.

Of course, I'm too cheap to pay someone to do and you always run the risk of them sticking your head on a pumpkin or something. I think I can do better on my own!

So stick with me for a little while as I try out things and play around!

Adding Insult to Injury?

While out shopping the local bookstore this weekend, in search of any new "potty book" I could find, I was perusing the sale tables in the middle of the store. The ones with the clearance books, new releases, fun summer reads, etc, when I came across something that just struck me as odd, "Depression for Dummies". Now, I'm sure you are all familiar with the whole series they have for "Dummies", Spanish, nutrition, weightlifting, management, practically everything.

I must say that this one I thought was funny. I mean, it's one thing to be depressed, but to think you are a "dummy" too, isn't that counterproductive in the healing process? The other one that caught my attention was, "Bi-Polar for Dummies". Again, probably not very helpful for your moods, to have to walk into the Books A Million and admit that you are Bi-Polar and a Dummy.

Just an observation.