Friday, June 29, 2007

Tinkle, Tinkle Little Munchkin.

She did it, she finally did it! After over 2 weeks of waiting, sitting on the bathroom floor, reading, and singing, the Munchkin Tee-tee'd in the potty.

I think my enthusiasm may have scared her a bit. What, with the new song and "Tee-Tee" dance I created on the spot in her honor? Can you blame me for being a little excited? This is another milestone to mark in the baby book, so sue me!

Now, I realize that we still have a very long way to go in this process, and most likely she won't do this again for awhile, but considering she's not even 2, I'm feeling pretty good about the road ahead!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Danger! Danger!

Online Dating

I just came across this site and had to see how they would rate a foul mouthed, poop rambling, Stay at Home Momma.

For the use of the following words, your kids should not be around me:

Vagina 7x

Poop 3x

Dead 2x

Crap 1x

Seriously? I would have thought Shit and Piss would be worth a mention!

I Got Nothing

I can't think of anything funny, witty or interesting to blog about today.

We saw Ronald McDonald today, doing magic tricks at the Library. I thought the Munchkin (who fell in the parking lot, and bloodied both knees) would freak out when she saw this weirdo, but she did great. She seemed truly indifferent.

Funny how we assume that just because something like a strange, 50 something year old, gay man, in a clown suit freaks us out, that our children will also be bothered.

Yay, Munchkin! Good job not following in your Mommies absurd behavior.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Chasing My Tail.

Do you ever just have those days where the more you do, the more you have to do?

I feel like all I have done today is go in circles. I have vacuumed twice, the first because it was time to do the floors, the second because after I vacuumed, the Munchkin thought it would be best if she crumbled her Goldfish before eating them.

Not that this comes as a big surprise, but everything you do with a Toddler takes. so. much. longer.


Vacuuming floor - See Above

Folding laundry -- she unfolds while I fold and re-fold and so on.

Errands - This is a given with the whole in and out of the car seat thing.

Grocery shopping - Tantrums in the toilet paper aisle lead to doubling back for the free cookie.

*Note to self, this could be avoided by going to cookie counter FIRST.

Unloading groceries - Munchkin thinks it's funny to shut the door behind me every single time I go out for more bags. Resulting in me having to set groceries down to open the door.

Putting groceries away - This is a double whammy. She closes the refrigerator doors each time I put something away -- this has us battling for the door. Open, close, open, close.. WHAM! She gets smacked in the head when my strength wins out, leading to 5 minutes of doting and kissing before being able to put away said groceries.

And, last but not least... My favorite.

Hide the tuna -
This is where I have to go searching the house to find out what she has done with the packs of tuna I thought I put away -- The hiding place du jour was with "Uncle Ben" in my bedroom closet.

Ahhhhhh, nap time. Maybe now I can actually get something done!

Thursday, June 21, 2007


Hubby comes back from his business trip this afternoon, Yay! We always miss him when he's gone. He's been calling to talk to us every day and all the Munchkin will shout into the phone is her new phrase, "Mine! All Mine!" Sometimes she will throw in a loud NOOOO, right before, just to spice things up a bit.

I must say that I'm a little nervous to see what Hubby thinks of the education she has received this week, with the newly learned profanity (Damn Dude) and talking back, I'm feeling like a first class Momma this week!

This too shall pass, Right?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Air, Tires & Vaginas

Not sure what all of these have in common? Spend a morning in our house and you will quickly realize that like not handling the roaches, I don't put air in my own tires.

Hubby noticed that one of the tires on my car looked low, and told me I needed to get air in it before I went skipping around town to all of this weeks activities.

Right! I had to gently remind him that I don't do air in my tires... Remember? The last 2 times we had this problem, I tried to be "Miss Independent" and do it myself, only I ended up letting more air out, than what was going in, then it really was low and he had to go and do it anyway. The second time I was having the same problem, so I went in and begged a stranger in the gas station to do it for me. Not something I want to do now with the Munchkin in tow.

Him: You know this goes along with the whole "being 32 years old thing?"

Me: I think it goes along with the whole "me having a vagina thing."

Him: You really should be able to put air in your tires.

Me: I have a vagina, I don't have too.

Him: Amelia Earhart had a vagina.

Me: Heh?

Him: I'm just saying.. and Madonna, she has a vagina.

Me: HEH?

Him: I say Madonna because I've seen hers, I never saw Amelia's

Me: Are we still talking about tires?

So, in case you are confused about where this conversation went, you're not alone. All I know is that my tire got air, and me and my vagina had nothing to do with it!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Damn, Dude

These are the 2 newest words that my Munchkin can say.

I can't say that this makes me proud, especially since I have been lecturing myself lately about my potty mouth. The problem is, that I'm a potty mouth with road rage.

Things have been much better in the road rage department since the Munchkin was born. I now realize that flipping people off, yelling obscenities, and following within inches of their bumpers is not acceptable behavior.

So, today the road rage, potty mouth reared it's ugly head all at once. I was on my way home from a playgroup, I was in the correct lane for getting up on the interstate headed North, when this man, 2 cars in front of me realizes that he needs to be over one more lane to the left to get to the interstate headed South. The problem here was that the he had almost passed the turn lane that was sitting with a red light. No problem! He stops. In my lane, at a GREEN LIGHT!!!! The car in front of me swerves to keep from rear ending him, as I quickly switch lanes to avoid doing the same. I blew my horn and shouted "Damn, Dude" -- Munchkin responds "Damn, Doo"

That's just great! I'm sure she will be more than happy to tell Daddy what she learned today.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Daddy's Day!

Isn't he handsome?

To my handsome Hubby and all of the other Dad's out there. Hope you all have a wonderful Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2007

New For Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

Have any of your seen this? Not sure why I think it's funny. Maybe because they look like alien life forms?

Drumroll please......I give to you the "Burkini"

La Cocaracha

My darling Hubby has known me for quite some time now. We have been married for over 13 years for Pete's sake. How in the world is it, that he doesn't know I. Don't. Handle. Roaches.

Since we moved into this lovely little neighborhood, we have seen more roaches than in any of our other houses in 13 years. I've been told it's just part of living in this part of town. Old houses, big trees.

I do my part, I have the bug guy come every 4 weeks during the summer to make sure we aren't infiltrated by these little, creepy crawlies.

Ugh! Just the thought of them, dead or alive makes me shiver!!

Since Bug Guy was here on Wednesday, we have seen a few trying to save themselves but pretty much dying. This is completely normal, said the Bug Guy. The spray always pushes them out for the first couple of days. By the way, if you need to know anything about roaches, I'm your Gal. I've learned way too much about them in the past year.

Hubby, for the last 2 nights has been rudely awakened, I'll admit, to my shrills of "ROACH, ROACH." Last night he even whipped out the "you are 32 years old." Yes I am, but that little bastard was dead just a minute ago and came back to life and crawled into our bedroom.

I may be 32 years old, but I have a vagina and people with vagina's don't have to touch roaches!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

It's Potty Time!!

I got a wild hair today and decided it was time to start potty training the Munchkin. I bought one of those little attachable seats yesterday while at Wal-Mart. Crazy, little goof ball loves the stupid thing. It's all I can do to get her to get down.

After trying 2 times today, NOTHING. Well, a little poot, but that doesn't count.

If you need us, we will be sitting in the bathroom, reading books and singing silly potty songs until we "tee-tee in the potty"

Wish us luck!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Mama Poop?

The newest thing my sweet Munchkin thinks is cute? Trying to look down the back of my shorts while asking me, Mama, poop? This is particularly cute while eating lunch in a crowded restaurant...

No! Mama did not "poop" thank you for asking. Mind your own business, please!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Call Me Sac Religious....

The Mommies group that I organizer set up lemonade stands this past weekend to raise money for charity. The foundation is: Alex's Lemonade Stand, a great cause helping fund research for pediatric cancer.

We tried to get the local media involved to help raise our donation totals to an obscene all time high.. think big, baby!

I was all excited to hear that one local station wanted to come down and interview me. I prepped myself with statistics to look knowledgeable, and we waited. They never called, they never showed... Must have been "bumped" by a big news story, it happens.

As I'm watching the news on Sunday, I notice that we were bumped by a story on a bunch of kids that hosted a "waterless" car wash, to raise money to go to church camp.

Are you kidding me?

That's a bigger story?

As I 'm discussing this with Hubby, he says "it's probably not right for me to make a judgment on what's more important" Again, I ask?

Are you kidding?

I am Completely appalled that he would not know that anything I'm involved in is obviously way more important, just because.

He continues to talk about these kids getting a chance to go to camp, learn about God.. That's a good thing right? Of course it is, but better than helping kids with cancer? I think not. So I say.. "At least those kids get to go to camp, the ones we are trying to help will most likely DIE if there isn't enough funding to research their cancer"

Ha! Take that, my charity is more important that yours. Hubby says "See? I really should not judge the importance of these charity's with you" Ha, again. I win. Take that church camp.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

You Might Be A Redneck...

Hubby comes back from his run this morning, and informs me that one of the gutters on the house has come loose and is hanging by a thread. Of course this piece of gutter is hanging not off the back of the house where no one can see it, it's right smack on the front where EVERYONE can see it, we look like the trashy neighbors that don't take care of their house. Look out, I just might be tempted to put some cars up on blocks in the front yard....

It's not that we don't take care of our house, the stupid people that lived here before us, tore this place apart and it seems like an endless task to get it back in shape.

Yes, it has been almost 1 year since we moved in, and I'm still bitching about the previous owners.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Hand, Foot and Mouth, Oh My!!

My poor Munchkin has been quarantined since Saturday. It appears that she has had a mild case of Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease, which is a very contagious virus that kids can pass around through their spit and poo. I'm praying this came from spit....

I've had her on lock down, and we finally ventured out yesterday to the Dollar Store. I figure she can't spread anything around there that they don't already have. Sorry, I realize this is a stereotype about Dollar Stores in general, they do rock, but, they gross me out, just a tad.

We went to a friends house today to play and make some signs for an upcoming fund raiser, and I must say my patience has disappeared. Mucnhkin was whiny and clingy pretty much the entire time we were there, making the experience stressful and less than ideal for painting signs.

I was so paranoid that she was going to spread some cooties that I felt like I needed to stay and help disinfect all of the toys before leaving..

Being couped up for almost an entire week is not good for this Momma! I usually do have patience, in fact I pride myself on the amount of patience that I have. But somewhere between cleaning up after explosive poops, washing all of the bedding and "lovey's" four times in the past five days, cooking dinner with a toddler on my hip and having Blue's Clues on a repeat play, I've lost it!

I need a refill.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Greenlinght for Nookie!

Mom! Check back later!

Went to the Doctor today and was pleasantly surprised at the lack of tasks I had to perform today... No peeing in a cup, no taking of blood, and no exam! I shaved extra for nothing!!!

Doctor came in and gave me the usual "pep" talk, the one I'm sure she has with all of her patients after their miscarriages. She said that none of the lab results showed anything other than just misfortune in the pregnancy, no malignancies or anything out of the ordinary, which is a relief.

Then on to the other good news, it's ok to resume all of your normal "activities", you know, swimming, exercising, oh and SEX!! Yippee! I'm back in the saddle again.. Um, so to speak!

So don't call me. I'll be busy!

Call A Spade A Spade.

I feel like such a grown up, not that having a child doesn't make me feel grown up. But tonight I went to dinner with a friend who's friendship had fallen by the wayside.

I did something that pissed her off, many, many months ago. Things got awkward because our personalities are both non-confrontational, to say the least. It got weird, and I put it off because it was easier. Finally she stepped up and took the difficult initiative to repair the relationship.

I was contemplating divorce. How do you end a friendship at this age? When we were in high school we would get pissed off and not talk, say something catty in the year book and move on to the next clique. Now, there are too many people involved, children, husbands. Friendships are investments, and not something you want to give up on easily.

My new resolution, although I don't make resolutions, is to be a better friend, to be honest and to return most all of my phone calls (I hate talking on the phone, she hates the computer, there will be some conflict)

I am an adult, why can't I just be honest and tell people how I feel. Why am I so afraid that the truth will hurt someones feelings, or piss them off?

So to all of my friends, please don't take it personally if I just want to hang out at the house and not go to the park. I'm trying something new, I will no longer do things because I feel obligated, or guilty. I will do them because I want to.

Random Mommy
, you are my Hero -- You are so good at this, I swear you ccould even tell someone to go to hell and they will still love you. I need this ability!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Move Over Pedi Peds.

I just might have a new favorite shoe for the Munchkin. I've been eying these shoes lately and just learned of a contest to win a pair. VINCENT - Styles for girls & boys.. so many to choose, so little time. My favorite for today are the "Betty's"

Munchkin is begging for these shoes!!

So, I beg of you Adventures in Babywearing - pick us, pick us!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

New Rule.

Yard work should never, ever be done before 8:00am on a Saturday morning. This includes, mowing, weed eating, edging and for the love of Pete, NO HAMMERING!!!

Snobby neighbor chick is trying to sell her house, her Daddy comes over every weekend to host an open house and put senseless amounts of money into something they are trying to get rid of, makes sense I know. This Saturday the project was putting up some type of trellis thing. It involved lots of hammering, at 7:30 AM!!! Come on people, if the Munchkin is willing to sleep late, I am too!

Have a little consideration for your neighbors, if you are one of these early yard workers, shame on you. Drink an extra cup of coffee and please wait until atleast 8:00am to begin your racket. 9:00am would be even better!

Friday, June 01, 2007

Sex? Yes Please..

If you are my Mom.. stop reading now!

After my miscarriage, my Doctors orders were, for 2 weeks:

No Tampons -- kind of a hassle, but nothing major.

No Exercising -- Um, let's see, an excuse to get fat and not go to the gym. Can I get that extended please?

No Sex -- Now, I know a lot of ladies out there would be all about this excuse -- Woo Hoo! Sorry honey, Dr said no... Well, I must say this rule is getting old.

I feel so sorry for my poor hubby. I even told him that I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to visit one of those "SPAS" across town, you know the ones that give, um, massages. Right, a massage... **Wink, Wink**

Anyway, I offer this knowing he would never take me up on it. I'm not really that cool of a wife! Not only is he not a cheater, he is a self proclaimed germaphobic.. so I guess you could say my offer was in vain..

My follow up appointment is on Tuesday - let's hope for all of our sakes that I get the "all good" and Hubby can get laid!