Thursday, May 31, 2007

Double Standard, Not Fair!

Now that all of our favorite shows are on hiatus, we are forced to surf the other 500 channels that we pay for and never watch.

Last night we settled on some stand up comedy by Sarah Silverman. While I must agree with Hubby, she is very funny. I'm not so sure that I agree with him that she is attractive. I've known about his crush on her, but I didn't know the reason for the attraction.

So our conversation goes like this:

Me: So, you really have a crush on her?

Him: Yeah

Me: I just don't get it, I think she looks kind of like a man.

Him: It's not really her looks.

Me: Oh?

Him: I like her because she is a potty mouth.

OKAY. STOP.... Are you kidding me? This coming from the same person who gets onto me for needing to watch what I say. Yes, I am a self proclaimed potty mouth and I'm quickly learning that all Mommies are... (You know who you are)

So, the rest of the conversation is this...

Me: A potty mouth? How is that fair? You think it's "hot" that she says dirty words, but me, not so much.

Him: It's different because you are the Mother of my child...

Oooooohhhh, that explains everything!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

We Didn't Start The Fire......

Because we get bored at the parks, playgrounds and Chuck E Cheese, we decided to do something different today. We took the kids to a local Fire Department to see the "big trucks"

How cute is our little posse?

Monday, May 28, 2007

My Heart Swells!

Munchkin has always been a bit of a talker, tonight she said the best 4 words she has ever said in her life..... "I Love You, Mama"..... That's a sentence! Not just 2 words, but a full sentence.

I'm so proud, in so many ways!

Must. Go. Cry. Now.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Holy Crap! I'm THAT Person.

I'm one of those people that always complains about other people on cell phones in public places. Blathering on about the stupid color of their bridesmaids dresses or how their boyfriend just dumped them, and so on. You know the ones. You are trying your best to maneuver around them in the grocery stores, but no matter which way you go, they are in your path, blathering.

I am by nature a fairly loud person, and tonight while I was wandering the aisles of the neighborhood Publix, I subjected the other shoppers to a rant I was having about a "person I know"....

I'm sure everyone around me in the produce section got an earful, me blathering, them shopping. Most likely eaves dropping, just to see if there was any really juicy gossip to hear. There wasn't, which makes the situation so bad. I couldn't even be interesting enough that a stranger would want to listen to my conversation. I'm surprised someone didn't tell me to shut the hell up.

So, for all of those shoppers, I apologize. I promise not to subject anyone else to my personal conversations..... unless of course it's really juicy and I can't wait until naptime to call all of my friends!

Deep Thoughts.. By: Me.

Nothing special just some things that have entered my head today..

1. I love big SUV's - I hate the drivers that can't take 2 seconds to back out and straighten themselves into the parking spot....Grrrr

2. Big, Dancing, Rat at Chuck E Cheese gets on my nerves.

3. 280 traffic SUCKS!!

4. I hate that the floors in my house always have crumbs.. even right after I sweep, swiffer and mop.

5. I love how sweet the Munchkin looks as she is falling asleep in her car seat.

6. I really should talk Hubby into letting me have my housekeeper back.

7. Not having a housekeeper cuts into my fun time (i.e. napping, blogging, catching up on DVR)

8. I should really take the Munchkin over to see her great Grandparents more often.

9. I need to paint my toes.

10. I shouldn't let random dogs lick my child.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Dear Rosie, (O'Donnell, That Is)

Okay, so this post is going to go over like a fart in a space helmet with some of my readers, but I'm so incredibly sick of listening to the verbal vomit that Ms. Rosie continues to spew everyday on the View. I just have to say this. We are all sad over the loss of life that continues to happen every single day in Iraq, but it's obviously not going to change under this current administration, so let's please talk about something else...

Dear Rosie,

Get a freakin' grip and pull yourself together man. You have had more than 3 years to feel sorry for yourself, but the time has come for you to get on with your life. Enough with the moping, and self pity already.

We live in the best country in the world with the best form of government available to man.

Is our system perfect? No. Does this mean sometimes despite your hard work, your guy doesn't get elected, even though you believe in your heart of hearts that he was the better candidate? Yes.

It's okay to be disappointed when this happens, because it does happen. In EVERY election the "wrong" guy gets put into office, it's always the "wrong" guy for somebody. This time it just happens to be you.

Just because your team didn't win, doesn't mean you have to express your displeasure with our system by moving to another country, throwing away your citizenship or even going out of your mind with worry, about the direction that our country could be headed.

Get off of your shrinks sofa, and put your energy where your big mouth is and do something other than yell at your Co-Hosts for not sharing your ridiculous views.

Here's a thought, put together some information that may actually change our minds or perceptions. Pretend that you are actually speaking to another human being and people might actually listen, loud does not equal being heard.

You have had plenty of time to feel your feelings, now be an agent for change. You do a lot of criticizing but what are you doing, really?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Hopped Up On Goofballs

So, I'm home from the hospital, Alive. I'm actually feeling better than I thought I might at this time, but then again I was given a hefty dose of percocete before leaving my "suite" at the "Brookwood Inn"

I must say that outside of feeling like I needed to vomit from the anxiety and nervousness, things went smoothly. My Nurse was super sweet, not the best at drawing blood but very reassuring and helpful, and by helpful I mean she gave me the "pre-drugs" to calm my nerves.

So after sticking me three times to draw blood, and collapsing one of my veins, they put my party hat on and wheeled me into the O.R. -- I saw my Doctor for a split second before the procedure, a man stuck a mask over my face and I was in LaLa Land...

I woke up in the recovery room feeling like I was going to throw up, something about my blood pressure dropping. After getting that stabilized, I started to focus on what was going on around me, and let me just say, I may have been loopy, but no one needs to wake up and see as much, um... let's say "bush" as I saw....All of the nurses wandering from patient to patient "checking" them... And to think someone is probably saying the same about me...

It's a really weird feeling to think that you could have such a procedure done and have absolutely NO recollection of it at all, no idea of the amount of time you were in there, who was there observing or exactly what took place.

So for now, my experience was as good as I guess it could be. Hubby went to the store to get me some pain medication, he came back armed with the newest US Weekly and chocolate in many varieties.. He Loves Me!!

T Minus 12 Hours

As I write this post, I am freaking the hell out!!!! In about 12 hours, I will be getting put under with a general anesthesia, which I must say scares me more than the thought of the procedure itself, or any of the pain and discomfort that can possibly come with it or the recovery.

Hear are my irrational fears, and yes, I am fully aware that they are irrational.

1. Death -- lots of things can wrong with anesthesia. Deep down I know it's rare, and that I'm probably safer on that operating table than I am driving to the hospital. The thought of being put to sleep and never waking up is in my mind.

2. I once read a story about a lady that appeared to be "under", only she could feel and hear everything that was going on. She couldn't scream or move..... How horrible would that be? Again, irrational I know. I'm sure that I read this in some Cosmo 5 years ago...

3. Far less irrational, adverse side effects to the anesthesia, having never had it, how do I know that I'm not going to get violently ill and puke up my guts in the recovery room? I don't like to throw up, until our beach trip a couple of weeks ago I had not thrown up in years... I made it through my entire pregnancy with nausea but fought back the urge to vomit every day for 5 weeks straight, I'm not kidding, I don't throw up.

4. Even less irrational is, what the hell kind of goofy shit is going to come out of my mouth that Hubby will be able to hold against me. You always hear about the funny things people say....

So many things are going through my mind right now. I am armed with many questions for my Doctor. I have cried many tears and will most likely cry a few more before tomorrow, the one thing I know, is that this time tomorrow it will be over... and the healing process will have begun.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Doo Doo Haiku

Attended Do Dah Day, in downtown Birmingham. For those that aren't familiar, it's a big street festival celebrating dogs and raising money for the local shelters.. To sum up our day I give you my "Doo Doo Haiku"

The weather was great.
Got poop on our stroller wheels.
Better than our shoes.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Raisin Poop Phenomenon

Have you ever wondered by raisins come out whole? Munchkin loves her some "ya-ya's" and I know she chews them, I see her.. but it's like corn, completely untouched by the digestive track... I'm puzzled.

The Pink Elephant Is In MY Room, I'll Talk About It.

So this week I found out that my body is rejecting a pregnancy. I've known I was pregnant for about 8 weeks now, but had yet to see the Doctor.

My appointment was on Tuesday and after seeing the ultrasound, no baby, no heartbeat. I knew that something was not right, although the Technician tried to be optimistic and tell me that I was only measuring 5 weeks and we should be able to see a baby any day.. Bless her heart, in the same situation, I wouldn't want to be the one to deliver that news to an anxious Mom along with her Husband and Toddler. I'm sure she doesn't get paid enough for that responsibility.

The Doctor classified my pregnancy as "abnormal" and wanted to run some blood tests to be absolutely sure. My second round of blood today confirmed that my hCG levels were not rising as they should, and I have been scheduled for a D & C on Monday....


D & C - Dilation and curettage (D&C) is a procedure in which the opening to the uterus, the cervix, is dilated or stretched and tissue that lines the uterus is curetted (scraped or removed).

Pleasant, right?

So this leads me to my many questions, I turn to the internet and quickly realize that what I need here is the human element of this. How does it really feel? Does it hurt? Worse or better than actual child birth? What is the recovery like?

I need someone to go all "Jenny McCarthy" on my ass, and tell me straight up. Just like I learned from her about pooping during childbirth.. and yes I did, she was right.

If 1 out of 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, why is it that I don't know first hand someone that has experienced this? Or do I, is this subject taboo? Are we not supposed to talk about this? Because for me I need to talk, I have questions that can only be answered by someone that has been there.

So, I will post my discoveries in hopes that someone out there may take comfort in my answers.

My Tag Turn....

Tagged by a friend.. Random Mommy

First, the rules: each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog the rules and answers. Then you choose seven people and make sure to leave a comment on their blog.

1. I rarely use public restrooms, even to "Tee-Tee" .. they completely gross me out, even the nice ones, If I do use them, I touch as little as possible, squatting way above the toilet and flushing with my foot.

2. I love the flavor of watermelon, but I can't eat the fruit itself because I have texture issues...

3. I hate that I have inherited by upper body from my German ancestors, I think my arms are bigger around then Hubby's and my shoulders are too broad. This is not a stereotype, the German women in my family have huge upper bodies.

4. I sometimes eat sandwiches made from Peanut Butter and Mayonnaise.. Eww, I know.

5. I'm really quite lazy, I'm looking forward to the day when the Munchkin can fetch things for me.

6. I never take baths and I hate to shower -- I'm not a dirty person, I do shower, it's just the whole process that I hate.

7. I stole a crap load of office supplies from my employer when I quit my job to be a Stay At Home Momma... I have sticky notes to last a lifetime.

Now, since I don't know 7 more people that blog.. I can only tag you: YANKEE BELLE

Monday, May 14, 2007

Monkey Toes

Don't you just love it when your child does something that they could have only learned from you?

This morning, I walked into the living room to see the Munchkin picking up a sock with her toes.... That's my girl! Because I have long toes, and I'm too lazy to bend over most of the time, I will pick things up with my toes. I used to be able to pinch people with them, I'm out of practice.. and yes, I'm a freak.

Funny how they pick up on things you didn't even know were worth learning.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Another Fabricated Holiday?

Now don't get me wrong, I love the idea of having another day for getting presents, and with Mother's Day it's all about Mommies! No taking turns opening presents or other stockings hanging up next to mine.. it's all about me!!

But I can't help but wonder, just like Valentines Day, would this "holiday" even exist if it wasn't for the retailers like Hallmark and Kay's Jewelers? Who decides what qualifies as a holiday anyway?

Some ideas for new Holidays... look out Hallmark, I will collect my royalties.

National Nothing Day. The only problem is that by celebrating, we are doing something...defeating the whole purpose of a holiday for doing nothing.

Square Pizza Day. Don't you miss that from the school cafeteria?

I Love My Ipod Day. Celebrate the goodness that is multiple playlists, we've come along way since cassettes, baby!

Okay, so that's the end of my cleverness for today... Happy Mother's Day to you all!

America's Next Top Couch Potato

Screw the models on Tyra's reality show, I'm going to be the best Couch Potato ever!!!

I have done absolutely nothing today. I have literally been sitting here watching the Marathon of this seasons America's Next Top Model for about 12 hours!!! I turned it on at about 11:00 am this morning. Munchkin napped, Hubby took Munchkin to the mall for last minute Mommies Day stuff, Hubby brought home dinner, Munchkin went to bed, Hubby bailed and went to bed about an hour ago, and here I sit, still watching this damn show.

What the hell is wrong with me that I can become so engrossed in a show that is completely mind numbing and so void of substance that it makes my head hurt?

I'm a reality show junkie, I need help.

Friday, May 11, 2007


Described as the "fear of sand", and my sweet little Munchkin suffers from this little disorder.

While I have always described her as cautious, and a child that needs a little time to adjust to new situations, the poor Munchkin was completely paralyzed by her fear of the sand. From the moment I set her down to walk with me, she absolutely freaked out. I thought again that she just needed time to warm up, and that she would come around when she saw her friends playing and having fun, this was not the case, not this time.

The Munchkin took her perch on the rental chair and that is where she stayed. On our second day at the beach I decided to try the "cry it out method" by putting her in the sand and walking out of her reach, she screamed and screamed and screamed. My heart broke into a million little pieces. To see your child so distraught over something that you can't understand is heart wrenching.

The worst part of this whole thing is, that looking on her face you could see that she wanted to get down and play, but couldn't bring herself to do it. I cry just thinking about it.

I can't imagine how it will feel when she comes home upset because she didn't make the basketball team, or when she gets made fun of in school. The difference then will be that I can kick the ass of the coach that doesn't think my baby is good enough, what can I do about sand?

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Beach Bound

I'm leaving in the morning for a beach trip with some friends from my Mommies Group. Five Mommies, Five Kids, should be fun. Interesting, but fun!!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

The New Generation

It seems that I am old and way out of the loop. Last night we went to The Crawfish Boil downtown, A little festival where there are of course crawfish, adult beverages, bands and lot's of kids hanging out looking like they want to cause some kind of trouble -

That statement alone makes me old.

We were sitting around talking while Akon was on stage. For those of you older and more out of the loop than I am, some of his hit songs include, "Bananza" (Belly Dancer), "Don't Matter", and "Smack That" (wholesome, I know) a song featuring Eminem. Anyway, during the middle of the performance he has the entire audience flip open their cell phones and hold them up in the air, the way we used to do cigarette lighters. I have to ask, am I that far removed to think that cigarette lighters are a thing of the past? Are they only associated now, with the nostalgia that comes along with Free Bird?

When did this happen and where have I been? Part of me understands that things change, but don't these kids know that lighters cause fumes and fumes get you high?