Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Adventures at the "Who-Ha" Doctor

WARNING: This post offers alot of information about me that you may or may not want to read, or know. If you are not comfortable with Vagina's, Hemorrhoids and Doctors visits, please check back another time. Otherwise, you have been warned!!

I had been putting it off long enough and with the discussions of a Munchkin "part Deaux" in the works, I thought it best to suck it up and make an appointment for my yearly exam. I really was only a few months overdue, I had not been to see her since my 6 week, post par tum, "sex is okay again" visit. She lied to me then, sex is not okay that soon. Sorry folks it's just not... I hold grudges!!!

I love to people watch, this is something that falls by the wayside when I have the Munchkin with me. I have to be so focused on her, that other people just aren't on my radar. But today, I was on my own, and boy did I see some strange things!! In the Doctor's office alone, there were two separate Mommies that brought their children with them to the appt. Not babies, more like 5 year olds, all boys.... I sat there asking myself, is this right? Isn't this why we don't have much of a memory as early as birth? So we don't have to remember the means in which we made our entrance into this world, these ladies are screwing these kids up, taking them into the exam room where they can witness what is going on... Sorry, just a little strange for me.

Another girl, looked like she was stoned out of her mind and could hardly walk when the nurse called her back.

A young girl who was obviously making her first official visit, she looked so nervous, asking her Mom lots of questions.

Yet another lady arguing with the front desk nurse about her appointment time.

My turn...

After getting weighed, blood pressure checked, and my finger stuck, I had to make the usual trip to the bathroom to pee in the little cup... Not such a big deal unless you drop the stupid cup in the toilet... Oh, yes I did. A couple of bad things about this.

First, the obvious, toilet germs. YUCK! How do I get that out? Can't call for help they will think I'm an idiot. I can't leave it in there, they will know I'm an idiot. I grab a bunch of paper towels and fish it out, luckily it wasn't totally submerged, no flesh of mine had to touch anything in the toilet...

Next, now what? The decision to throw it in the trash came easy, with only 1 reservation, I had already written my name on the side, so I had to take extra time and care to cover it up in the trash so hopefully they wouldn't see it... I'm such a D.A.

The first thing that went through my mind when this happened..... Oooh, material for my blog, I kid you not!!!

I proceed to the exam room, where I tuck all of my unmentionables out of sight. Not really sure why I do this, but I have consulted with others and I am not alone. Why are we so afraid to have our Dr. see our underwear? This lady birthed my child, she has seen my vagina, she's seen everything I have to offer, more than I have seen of myself, and I have to hide my panties.... I'm a freak!

After discussions of how the Munchkin is doing, I decide to ask her what her thoughts are on the Hemorrhoid that has taken up permanent residence in my butt since my pregnancy - she assures me that it should be fine as long as it isn't bothering me, surgery is an option, but most likely a waste of time, if I'm considering another pregnancy -- case closed, I will call him "Hemi" and maybe one day he can find a new home, but for now, I'm the lucky butt.

No comments: