Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Guys: So Stupid!


This past weekend in Nashville, was my first night out in a bar with the girls in a while. It still kind of amazes me how stupid some guys are -- they really have NO GAME whatsoever!! It's sad, really.

We had our share of losers coming by the table all night, the ones that would most likely hit on a bar stool if they thought it had a vagina.

Hitting on a group of girls in a Bachelorette party, should be easy. The fact that we were wearing lays around our necks should be enough of a conversation starter that they don't have to even think really hard about what to use as their lead in...
"Oh, you got laid"... Not original, but easy.

Some would come by and say something like:

Don't do it -

Marry me instead -

He's a lucky guy -

Then we would have some come by and say "So, you're getting married?" "cool" and just stand there like a dork and finally wander off.

We had one guy try to convince us that he used to be a stripper, when I asked his stage name, he replied, "Big Unit".....Ummmm.... No!

Next, some guy who drove 17 hours from Salem Mass, for a conference... the least I could do was dance one song.... Ummmm.... No!

Next, a guy from Detriot, he was actually somewhat normal, but wanted to give each of us a kiss and take our picture, no doubt to make up some story about us when he returned home to his friends.

Finally some guy who was nice enough to buy my sister a double shot of Patron Tequila, and try to convince us that we could come back to sleep at his house if we needed a place to go, Ummmm..... Hell No!

Luckily that was the shot that did my sister in, and we headed back to the hotel for penis cake and drunken laughter..... Good Times!!!

Friday, February 23, 2007

A Penis in My Oven


Not much chance that I will ever be able to lead out with that title on my blog again.

I guess I should explain before you start thinking that I have done something to the Hubby that would have me in court using my menstrual cycle as my defense...

We are leaving tomorrow for Nashville for my Sisters bachelorette party and the theme for the weekend is "Penis's" or would that be Peni? Anyway, everything we have is themed - forks, balloons, straws, you name it, it's a penis!! So, I borrowed a penis cake mold from one of my Mommy friends, and yes, I have the coolest Mommy friends ever!!

We Should have lots of blog worthy fun...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Adventures at the "Who-Ha" Doctor

WARNING: This post offers alot of information about me that you may or may not want to read, or know. If you are not comfortable with Vagina's, Hemorrhoids and Doctors visits, please check back another time. Otherwise, you have been warned!!

I had been putting it off long enough and with the discussions of a Munchkin "part Deaux" in the works, I thought it best to suck it up and make an appointment for my yearly exam. I really was only a few months overdue, I had not been to see her since my 6 week, post par tum, "sex is okay again" visit. She lied to me then, sex is not okay that soon. Sorry folks it's just not... I hold grudges!!!

I love to people watch, this is something that falls by the wayside when I have the Munchkin with me. I have to be so focused on her, that other people just aren't on my radar. But today, I was on my own, and boy did I see some strange things!! In the Doctor's office alone, there were two separate Mommies that brought their children with them to the appt. Not babies, more like 5 year olds, all boys.... I sat there asking myself, is this right? Isn't this why we don't have much of a memory as early as birth? So we don't have to remember the means in which we made our entrance into this world, these ladies are screwing these kids up, taking them into the exam room where they can witness what is going on... Sorry, just a little strange for me.

Another girl, looked like she was stoned out of her mind and could hardly walk when the nurse called her back.

A young girl who was obviously making her first official visit, she looked so nervous, asking her Mom lots of questions.

Yet another lady arguing with the front desk nurse about her appointment time.

My turn...

After getting weighed, blood pressure checked, and my finger stuck, I had to make the usual trip to the bathroom to pee in the little cup... Not such a big deal unless you drop the stupid cup in the toilet... Oh, yes I did. A couple of bad things about this.

First, the obvious, toilet germs. YUCK! How do I get that out? Can't call for help they will think I'm an idiot. I can't leave it in there, they will know I'm an idiot. I grab a bunch of paper towels and fish it out, luckily it wasn't totally submerged, no flesh of mine had to touch anything in the toilet...

Next, now what? The decision to throw it in the trash came easy, with only 1 reservation, I had already written my name on the side, so I had to take extra time and care to cover it up in the trash so hopefully they wouldn't see it... I'm such a D.A.

The first thing that went through my mind when this happened..... Oooh, material for my blog, I kid you not!!!

I proceed to the exam room, where I tuck all of my unmentionables out of sight. Not really sure why I do this, but I have consulted with others and I am not alone. Why are we so afraid to have our Dr. see our underwear? This lady birthed my child, she has seen my vagina, she's seen everything I have to offer, more than I have seen of myself, and I have to hide my panties.... I'm a freak!

After discussions of how the Munchkin is doing, I decide to ask her what her thoughts are on the Hemorrhoid that has taken up permanent residence in my butt since my pregnancy - she assures me that it should be fine as long as it isn't bothering me, surgery is an option, but most likely a waste of time, if I'm considering another pregnancy -- case closed, I will call him "Hemi" and maybe one day he can find a new home, but for now, I'm the lucky butt.

Monday, February 19, 2007

This and That

Lot's of things going on right now, and to add to the chaos, our Internet, Cable and Phones were out most of the weekend... I hate Charter, I love the fact that it was their fault and not the Nasty Little Tree Rats, chewing through our lines again. I'm sure they will be charging us for that next time....

My uncle and his wife had their first baby over the weekend, a beautiful baby girl named Ava Nicole - Congratulations to them. I think my Uncle is smitten!!

Munchkin has now forced us into to the world of safety gates. While on the phone with Hubby Friday, Munchkin made her way all the way upstairs, retrieved her lovey and was 2 steps into her descent down when I realized that I had spaced out, and obviously forgotten that there was a small human I was in charge of, and she was running free. Thank you Lord, she didn't break her neck!

Munchkin is full on talking now, even some sentences like, "I did it", Where'd it go, Who is it?... other words of note, Car, Banana, Girl, Night Night, there are literally new words everyday, it truly is amazing!!!

Sisters wedding is only 4 weeks away, I have a dress, but still need shoes and something for the Munchkin... will worry about this after the Bachlorette party this weekend - Woo Hoo!!

Which brings me to this....

Leaving Munchkin for the first time overnight. Hubby is keeping her so I feel better about that. I used to think that I would be one of those parents that would just up and head on out, leaving the kiddies with friends or Grandparents, but now, not so much. I don't want to be without her. I figure that we waited so long to start a family, that now is the time that we should savor every minute that we have with her.. plus I want her to experience the excitement of traveling to a new place. This of course does not mean we don't get our date nights in, just not a lot of overnighters without her....

Yes! I have turned into one of those people, so sue me!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Day O' Love


Call me cheap if you want to, cynical even... but in our household we don't really celebrate this "holiday". We are only allowed to hand make our Valentine cards and are allowed absolutely NO GIFTS!!!

If you want to show me that you love me, send me a card on the 2nd Tuesday of June or flowers on the 1st Friday of April... Why wait for some calendar and a plethora of retail stores to tell you that February 14th is the magical day of love???

Sorry, if I have now ruined your day of happiness and all things sugar coated and dipped in chocolate, don't mind me. I'm just one little person that boycotts the card aisle and floral dept of the local grocery stores.

Who knows, maybe things will change as the Munchkin gets older, but for now I like the way we do things, and why not pass this down as a tradition? It will make future boyfriends very happy!!

Happy Day O' Love to you all!!!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Shut up and Sing!

Won't they ever learn? After watching the Grammy's last night, Hubby and I are more convinced than ever, that the Dixie Chicks are the most idiotic group of women you will ever hear speak. They have so much talent, I love their music, but when they open their mouths to speak, it's like verbal vomit, a train wreck....EVERY TIME!!!!

I was a part of the little "boycott" that happened against them 3 years ago, I also had the same feelings about Pearl Jam, and gave up my ticket to the concert after the Anti-Bush antics they performed on stage, in a city right before coming to Birmingham.

It's not so much that I care if they have a problem with the President, or the war. It's that I didn't pay for a ticket to a political rally. I wanted to attend a concert. To hear music, not the bashing of our World Leader, or their opinions on Troops in Iraq.

I'm glad that the Dixie Chicks won 5 awards last night, they deserve it, the album kicks a$$!!! But please someone, don't let them speak in public, especially Natalie. This could be the biggest comeback in the history of music, but their people really should invest in some duct tape....

Other Grammy Notables,

The Ultimate Threesome -

I'm so jealous of Corinne Bailey Rae (I love her) but she was in the most luscious "manwich" last night, singing right there between John Legend, Hottie McHot-Hot and my man, John Mayer, Cutie Pa-tootie. That's a "manwich" I wouldn't mind filling!!

DVR - A Must

It's the new way to watch any award show, fast forward through all of the crap, (3 nobodies hoping for a chance to sing with Justin Timberlake) and get to the good stuff - (a manwich with John Legend and John Mayer!)

Shakira, Shakira

She totally bugs me, maybe it's because I can't move like that, but it seems as if that's all she does. Shakes her butt, swings her head around. Hubby watched intently hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.

Another reason DVR comes in handy, rewind!!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Orrrr Eagle!

For most people, I'm sure this does not rank up there with the proudest moments of parenthood, but for us, this one is as high on the list as when she said her first word - Da Da, took her first step, or smiled. The Munchkin finally said "WAR EAGLE!!"

Of course it sounded more like "Or Eagle", but we knew what she meant... I think I may have cried a little, just a small tear of joy. It's so good to know that all of the brainwashing is finally paying off.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Example #2

Wednesdays, known around here now as Floors Day. The day in which my crazy cleaning cycle has me sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, and swiffering. I realize that it's bad enough that I always, sweep, swiffer, and sometimes vacuum before mopping my hardwoods. But during my last cleaning fit I decided to vacuum out the sofa cushions. I did this right after we moved into this new house, but when you have a Munchkin running loose, it's amazing how fast things can find their way between the cushions....

Things I found:
Old Cheerios
A Pen
15 cents
Sticky Note with grocery list that went missing.. I knew I wasn't losing my mind!
1 Goldfish
Tissues (not used, that would be gross) from the box that Munchkin plays with

Nothing real exciting but definitely a good hiding place, will have to keep an eye on.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Super Un-American

That's right folks, I did not watch the Superbowl. Not one snap, not one fumble, no half time show with Prince.. What's up with that anyway? Is he trying to make a comeback? I didn't even try to catch the commercials, which let's face, just don't really live up to the hype anymore.

I know that I'm not the only one in America that didn't watch, my Sister was here and we worked on the slide show for her upcoming wedding. So there you have it, a pair of Un-American Sisters... Oh well, there's always next year!