Monday, December 31, 2007

Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Goldbergs!

For anyone that has ever been to Auburn, you are sure to know about the great little sandwich shop called Mama Goldberg's. I am absolutely obsessed with this sandwich on the menu called "Mama's Love" - Well, they decided to franchise this little hot spot out, and we now have one just a couple of miles from my house.

They opened about a week and a half ago, and I have eaten there 3 times already! It's so good, I can't even explain it.

If you are ever in the neighborhood, you need to stop in. Order a Mama's Love, Nachos and a coke... You can thank me later!

Sunday, December 30, 2007


We went to dinner the other night with my sister and her husband. We decided on a Japenese Steakhouse thinking it would keep the Munchkin entertained so we could actually chat, and eat... Wrong. This place just so happens to be next to Chuck E Cheese, and I think the Munchkin was misled. She didn't eat a bite of food and gave everyone dirty looks when the Chef would light something on fire... "I no like fire, Mama." So I did what any good Mom would do under the circumstances, kept her busy with crackers and Dum-Dum's.

As we were leaving and saying goodbye to my Sister, who has now moved to Kentucky, she again saw the big Chuck E Cheese sign and thought that's where we were headed. We explained that we had already eaten at "Ichiban" and she replies "Itchy Bum?" Leave it to a Toddler for a little comic relief when having to say farewell to your best friend.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


It's over. Another whirlwind of Christmas has past and now I'm left trying desperately to figure out what the hell to do with all of this stuff. The Munchkin racked up, as expected, but Hubby and I didn't do so bad ourselves.

I think we saw every single member of each of our families over the last 4 days. We went to church with my family, in honor of my Great Grandmother, who would have been 98 this year. The church she attended is old, and beautiful. It was so nice to see where she spent her Sundays, and to meet some of the members that knew her, and could tell lot's of stories about my Grandfather as a child.

This Christmas was great! The Munchkin is finally starting to understand, and reliving the excitement through her, for us, has been magical.

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Please Hold.........

I've spent the last hour on the phone trying to clear up a billing problem regarding some lab work that was sent to my insurance provider, under my previous employers contract number. Why are things so damn difficult? Call this number, this extension, let me transfer you, please hold..... How is it possible that we have all of this great technology and they continue to hire dumbasses to access it, and work it.

After 1 hour, 6 different phone numbers, 8 Customer Service Reps, and an endless amount of switchboard operators and transfers, the resolution of the problem is questionable. I give up, if they have any more trouble with it, they can contact me, send me to collections whatever, I tried.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Holding His Sausage, For Me!

How is it possible to be married to someone for almost 14 years and not know that they actually like sausage on their pizza?

Last Saturday night the weather was yucky, Munchkin and I were feeling a little sick, so we decided to order a pizza. Hubby got online, placed the order, and told me that he ordered 1/2 what I like, and 1/2 what he likes, sounded good to me. Once the pizza arrived and we sat down to eat, I noticed that 1/2 of it had sausage, we NEVER get sausage. Of all the years we have been together, (dating and married,) and all of the pizzas we have ordered, sausage has not been a topping of choice. When I asked him if they made a mistake on his 1/2, he said "No, I like sausage."


How did I not know that he has been making this sacrifice for over a decade? What else am I taking for granted? What else don't I know? This is why we will still be together in 50 or 60 years, it's the little things.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Preach It, Sister!

We have this little game that the Munchkin likes to play. She asks the question, "What does Mommy say?" I answer, "I love you." Replace "Mommy" with "Daddy" or anyone and anything, and it can go on forever. It kind of derived from the song "The wheels on the bus."

Today while we were headed to the mall, the Munchkin started going through the usual list, she then asks me, "What does Ms. Aresa (Teresa) say?" Ms. Teresa is the lady that has been helping me out around the house during this pregnancy, I've known her for years and years. She is a large, jolly, black lady, that is very spiritual in nature. When she found out about the twins, and the complications she literally laid hands on my belly, and begin preaching and willing the devil to stop his evil ways..... So anyway, the Munchkin asks, and I replied "I don't know baby, what does Ms. Teresa say?" Her hands went up in the air and she shouted "Glory Jesus!"

I laughed so hard I cried, this is going to make Ms. Teresa smile. Can I get an Amen?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Transitioning Toddler.

We did it! We finally did it! We moved the Munchkin into her Toddler bed. We have been agonizing over this decision for a while now, and given the developments this past week, we decided it would be best to go ahead and start the process.

The first day she didn't do so well, but for her nap yesterday, and bed time last night she was a champ! And get this, she will actually lay there in the bed, until we come and get her in the morning!!! I'm sure this will be short lived, she will probably make the connection very soon, but until then, I will enjoy!

I must admit, I cried. There was just something about kissing her good night, and watching her roll over in her big girl bed that made me feel so sad. Closing that door behind me, seemed so weird. There she was, free to roam, no longer protected by the confines of her crib. This growing up thing is just happening too fast! Of course everything in our life seems to be happening very fast!

Where did my baby go?

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Results Are In.....

Identical Girls!!! We are of course very excited about the news of having 2 more beautiful, baby girls, but the news was not as great as we had hoped. They are in the same sac, and "baby a" has a problem with one of her kidneys. A problem that the Doctor predicts will make it non-functional, her other kidney, however, appears to be fully functional, so there is some good news.

We were caught a little off guard when this new Doctor asked us if we knew what problems we were facing with this pregnancy, including the cleft lip on "baby a," this was news to us, and turned out that she could not detect this on either baby, but will be checking again at the next appointment in January. So far things are going well, the babies are exactly the same size, and "baby b" seems to be developing normally.

As you can imagine, we have a very long road ahead of us, and due to the condition of this pregnancy, we have a lot less time to prepare. Our goal is to make it to 28 weeks, but 30 and beyond would be gravy.

Thanks to all of you who have been thinking about us, praying for us and sending us those good vibes, we are definitely going to need them.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I'm A Dildo?

Leave it to my Munchkin to lighten the mood at a very overwhelming time.

Last night while reading on of her books, she was pointing to different animals and we were naming them off, one by one. We got to an animal that I'm wasn't sure about (nothing like a toddlers book to make you feel like a dumb ass.)

Munchkin Said: What's that one?

I said: You tell me.. (ha! turn the tables)

Munchkin: I'm a dildo.

Me: Eh?

Munchkin: I'm a dildo, mama.

Me: Um...... {{{thinking very hard about this}}}}}} Ahhhhh..... Armadillo!!!!!! Yes baby! Armadillo.

Anyway, I don't really think it's an armadillo, but I know she's not a dildo, so until I have time to research that little creature, we'll go with that.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Thing 1, and Thing 2!!!

So to follow up from my post last week, where I was taking bets on the sex of the baby, and making a joke about having twins, my dream came true, partially anyway. It's twins!

The shock has not worn off yet, and there are alot of things to think about with this pregnancy. As of right now they are concerned that this may be a "Mono-amniotic" pregnancy, meaning the babies share the same sac. Everyone at the Doctor's office today was thrown for a loop, and trying to figure out why this was missed in the beginning. I feel like I have typed and or told this info about a thousand times today, but I offer it up to anyone and everyone out there that believes in prayer.

Here's the rundown...

There are definitely 2 babies, one they are pretty sure is a girl, the other, not sure at all. It's bitter sweet news because they are afraid that the pregnancy may be Mono-amniotic, meaning that the babies are sharing the same sac. If this is the case, it's dangerous for 2 reasons, 1, they can potentially strangle each other with their cords, and 2, because you run the risk of twin to twin transfusion, meaning that one baby will take the majority of the nutrients, leaving one to suffer. There are slight indications of this already, as one is showing some signs of kidney trouble, non life threatening, but fluid around the kidney. Both hearts look great and brain development they said was fine.

The odds of this mono-amniotic pregnancy is about 1 in 60,000 - and there is a 50% chance that you would lose atleast 1, maybe both babies. I go to UAB this Friday for a detailed ultrasound to get more info, we are hoping and praying that "thing 2" is a boy, this would automatically mean they are in separate sacs and not in danger of strangulation.- or any of the other risks involved with this rare condition.

So please keep us in mind and in your prayers. We are, and want to be so excited about this news, but have this little "blip" of anticipation hanging over our heads right now. We want to be worried more about the logistics of how to handle two babies, than something being wrong with either of them.

So much news, I'm not even sure how to process all of this.... Stay Tuned!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

GettingTo Know All About Me.

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, copy, paste, and insert your answers. Don't be a SCROOGE!!!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? - Both, as long as they match the theme of my tree - yes I'm a freak.

2. Real tree or artificial? Just switched back to real this year, smells so good.

3. When do you put up the tree? Right after Thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down? Sometime after New Year's, isn't that bad luck?

5. Do you like eggnog? Gag! Absolutely Not!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My kick ass keyboard that was just like my Uncle's, who is 5 years older.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes

8. Hardest person to buy for? Hubby

9. Easiest person to buy for? Munchkin

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A cutting board from my Grandmother.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, it's more personal.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas - Jim Carey Version.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Mid December

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Ummmm, Hello? Cutting Board?

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas Cookies, and my German Grandmothers Matzipan.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear

17. Favorite Christmas song? Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - See question 10.......Just kidding, O' Holy Night.

18. Travel for Christmas or stay at home? Travel locally...

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course the most famous reindeer of all - Rudolph. Yes I had to sing the song.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Both, we have so much family to see, it drags on for days

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Traffic around the malls

23. What I love most about Christmas? Now it's seeing the excitement the Munchkin has with all of the decorations and preparations.

Friday, November 30, 2007

L-A-Z-Y - I Got No Alibi.

I will admit, I'm lazy. My child was introduced to the potty 6 months ago, showed alot of promise, pooping, and peeing on several occasions. She's interested, I'm not. I like diapers. They're easy. I always know where the poop is, and there are no "Mommy, I have to tee-tee" moments, while driving down the interstate, miles from the nearest restroom, that will in no way meet my standards of cleanliness.

I've tried to play it cool, acting like I'm the "laid back" Mom, just letting the Munchkin "explore" her options, and take her time. No potty boot camp kind of training, or setting the potty up in the living room for us. Laid back? HA! I'm just down right lazy, and unwilling to give up the convenience of our beloved Cruisers...

What's the largest size those come in anyway?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Martha Stewart, Part II

First it was a dress, now I'm painting!!

I went with some Mommy friends last night to one of those art classes, where you paint step by step with an instructor, while getting shitty from all of the wine you get drink while painting.... of course being preggers put a little damper on the "shitty" part of this activity, but rest assured, I will definitely being going back to see what kind of masterpiece I can create when I'm sloshed!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Iron Bowl 2007 Celebration

Sorry to my Bama friends, I couldn't let a 6th straight win pass with out a little something on my blog!

Senior, Quentin Groves leads this cheer after our win over Bama this past Saturday. War Damn Eagle!!!

Weekend in Review.

We've had so much going on since last week, I thought I would just give a little re-cap.

Last Wednesday, BFF and family were here for Thanksgiving. We were able to spend some time with them, and let the little love birds reunite. It's always so great to see them, and spend time with them, it just sucks to see them go...

Thursday, Thanksgiving day, spent time with family, stuffed our faces and fought this losing battle with the hemorrhoids that have decided to come back with this pregnancy, with a vengeance!

Saturday of course - Iron Bowl baby. We had a party with some of our friends and their kids. We thought the outcome was WONDERFUL! Some in attendance, not so much. But despite that, we had a great time. Great friends and great food. I couldn't help but think about what we did for this game every year, before the Munchkin entered our life. Boy, how things change. Although from the sounds coming from this house, that could be heard out to the street, you would never know things were more tame now. That's what you get with 5 toddlers chasing each other around the dining room table. Good times.

Sunday, went with a couple friend and their daughter to see the Bee Movie. The girls did great, sitting through the entire movie, better than I could have imagined. The Munchkin ate her weight in popcorn, and she now pretends that she and "Tooty" are bees, running around the house buzzing. Please keep in mind that Tooty is not here for these little episodes, she has a great imagination, scary in fact.

Monday, we went and got our Christmas tree and have been working on getting our house decorated.

So that's it, nothing extremely exciting. This time next week, I will have some very exciting news to report, assuming "Bebe Dos" will spread his/her legs for the nice Ultrasound Tech. Anyone want to place some bets?

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Turkey Day!

Thanksgiving day feast + Maternity Pants = Fantastic combination!!!!

I think that this will now be my new Thanksgiving tradition, pregnant or not, I will be sporting a pair of super elastic, maternity pants. I think for the first time in history, I was able to eat 2 plates of food, without having to unbutton my pants. Thanks to the extra wide elastic band on my pants, I was quite comfy, and able to breath even after dessert.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day, and I hope you were all able to spend time with the family and friends you are thankful for.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Not Just Turkey Week.

If you are anywhere close to the great state of Alabama, or even remotely interested in college football, you must know that not only is this the week of Thanksgiving, it's Iron Bowl week. In my opinion, the most rivaled game in college football will take place this Saturday. The game that divides friendships, families and households. The day in which you can no longer be undecided, you are either with us, or for Bama....

Who will win this game is anyone's guess. It's a game full of intense emotion on both sides, all hoping, praying, that they can walk away with the coveted "bragging rights" that will carry them on to the next year.

It's only Wednesday and I'm already nervous! Auburn is favored by 6 points, and on paper, we should win. But none of that will matter, come 7:00pm on Saturday. All of the statistics go out the window, and it's 3 hours of white knuckle, nerve racking football!

So let's get ready Auburn fans, it would be great to make it 6 in a row, and hand Bammer a season that could potentially knock them out of Bowl eligibility.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Blabber Mouth, Me?

Do you ever just have one of those Ah-ha moments, when you come to realize something about yourself, good or bad?

I had one of these moments the other night, when it was brought to my attention that I like to talk. I was having dinner with my Sister and Mom, and we were discussing why the Munchkin never stops talking, EVER! My Sister politely reminded me that she gets it honestly, as I never really stop talking either. Maybe it's my sales background, maybe it's the fact that I'm cooped up with a Toddler the majority of the day, every day, and feel the need to rattle off to anyone who will listen to, or tolerate me.

If you have been on the other end of one of these verbal vomit moments, wishing to God that I would shut the hell up, I apologize. Next time just smack me in the head and we'll call it a day.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

My One Week Milestone... Almost.

I was supposed to be able to get on here today and blog about how I thought I had turned the corner. I felt good for almost an entire week! Sure, I still had moments during each day that I would have to sit for a minute, but I was soooooo much better. And then yesterday, when my parents arrived to see the Munchkin, I was blowing chunks in the bathroom, again. I was forced to fall back on my trusty little pills to get through the day.

This morning I woke up with a list of errands to run, including getting food to cook for a lady in a Foundation that I volunteer for, it's 5:30pm and I have yet to make it to the grocery store... Olive Garden take out is looking really good right now.

I was even convinced that I had found a miracle cure - Vitamin water. I picked one up on a whim last Wednesday, when I was having probably the worst day I'd had in 9 weeks. I started feeling so good. I sent Hubby out to stock up on this new found cure. Today it failed me!

Now, I got nothing, no other tricks in my bag. I've tried pretty much everything I've heard (except for eating a hard boiled egg first thing the in the morning, need I explain) ginger ale, crystallized ginger, chewing gum, mints, preggie pops, and numerous other tidbits of info, all of you kind people have passed along.... I just think I'm in this for the long haul. God help me!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Where Does It Come From?

We are having the Munchkin's 2 year pictures done on Friday. We've had to reschedule because of the weather and this time it's looking sunny - Yay.

So, I was sitting here looking at our photographers site today, trying to get some ideas on any props I could take, or cute color combos for us all to wear. The Munchkin climbed into my lap to look at the pictures, and I explained that we were having our pictures done on Friday (because all 2 year olds can comprehend the days of the week, I know right?) Then she looks at me and says "No Mama, I will do it on Monday."

She's a freak I tell you - A complete and total freak of nature that amazes me on a daily basis.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Look Mommy, "Straws"

I have to give you a little background here before explaining this mornings horrible mishap.

Adding insult to injury, I had to make a little impromtu appointment with the Doctor this week for a bacterial infection. Morning sickness wasn't keeping me down enough that now I have to deal with this.

The Doctor asked if I would rather have the oral, or vaginal medicine. Warning me that the pills would most likely make me nauseous, she thought I would rather have the vaginal. The thought of injecting a cold, gooey, gel up my wussy did not sound appealing, but I'm so tired of being sick, I went with the inserts.

(If you are a male reader, feel free to re-visit a later post, I won't blame you)

So, all week I've been following the instructions right before bedtime, and taking great care to wrap and "hide" the little applicators in the bathroom trash. Well, this morning (I'm sure you've guessed it) the Munchkin came walking into the living room with several of them in her hand.... This is so wrong on so many levels I can't even believe I'm sharing this. She thought they were straws!!!! I freaked out, and immediately scrubbed her hands profusely with soap, hot water and of course, Purell!

Runway or WNBA?

According to yesterdays measurements at the Doctor, the Munchkin is going to be a very tall girl. On the "guesstimate" of doubling her height at this age, she is going to be around 6 feet tall. Since she is in the 45th percentile for weight, this makes her tall and skinny.. Supermodel maybe? Whatever it is, I hope she will be able to financially support her dear old parents for life!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Idiot of the Day Award.

I took Munchkin in for her 2 year check up today. As we were heading to sit down in the "WELL" baby seating area, I caught the tail end of a conversation between two other Moms. One saying something about how she hates to sit on the "sick" baby side, even when her kids are sick. Now, I must agree that I cringe at the thought of sitting in that germ infested area with the Munchkin, on the rare occasion we have to make an unscheduled visit to the Doctor. I can't stop myself from thinking about all of the things she is picking up to bring home with us, in addition to her current ailments, but I do it!!!

This lady had no more finished that sentence when her oldest daughter projectile vomited all over the place. The Mom of course rushed her off to the bathroom and came back with some paper towels to clean up the mess. Another lady told me that she was there because they were throwing up, and she thought it was something they ate. Ahem, Bull shit! What the hell was she thinking? Not only did she possibly infect all of the kids in that seating area, she never told anyone what happened, and I had to stop another lady from sitting in the seat that she had only wiped with a paper towel, no disinfectant, nothing.

It's a good thing that our name was called and she didn't bring her kid back into that room, I would have hated to go all hormonal on her ass. Don't tempt me right now people, I've been sick for 8 weeks and looking for an excuse!

Back to the letter "P." PURELL is what I, again, lathered the Munchkin in, after we left... Wise up people, it's not rocket science.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Week 14.......Blech!

Can I just say that this new little baby is kicking my ass??? I'm at week 14 and supposed to be getting over this whole sickness thing. Now it's interfering with me going to lunch with "my bitches" this is not cool.

Gag reflexes are worse than ever, and I'm truly afraid to go out in public for fear of puking all over the place.

How much longer will this last?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween!

Hope everyone has a super spooky Halloween planned -- thought I would share a couple of pics from Halloweens past.. I did some light digging and these are the only 2 years I could come up with.. I know I have more..... somewhere!

Taking advantage of the Mike Price scandal... Probably my favorite Halloween, so far.

I wasn't allowed to show you what was under his coat -- Impressive, trust me!

One of our first Halloweens as a married couple -- probably around 1996...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Brought To You By The Letter "P"

Ironically enough, "P" was actually the letter of the day today, for all of you Sesame Street fans.

So here's my story:

I decided to do a little bit of shopping today at Publix, just needed to pick up a couple of things like pledge, pears and an extra pumpkin for decorating.

While in line to pay for my items, I begin to feel very pale. The Cashier said something to me, as I was starting to panic. I had already laid all of my groceries on the belt, and felt like I was about to pass out. Everything started to spin, I started getting sweaty, and told the lady I was going to be sick, and needed to find the restroom. I grab the Munchkin and head that way, praying that I would make it in time. As I am puking in the potty, there is a strange pube staring back at me. Ask me if I even cared at this point.

After collecting myself, I return to line where the very sweet lady has all of my items, scanned and bagged. I paid, and the polite bagger guys helped me to my car.

PURELL: is what I coated the Munchkin with, after she insisted on touching every single surface area in that public restroom.

Ahhhh.... Pregnancy, pleasant!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Monday Morning Quarterback, Ole Miss

We didn't play great, but we took care of business. Finishing the Rebels off, in a 17-3 win. We struggled in the first half to get things moving, but managed to do much better in the second half.

The only area where Auburn truly dominated was in our rushing yardage, putting up 231 yards to the Rebels 70. You would expect a little more when beating a team that could possibly go winless in the SEC, for the first time since 1982. I'm just thankful that Auburn held it together and didn't give Ole Miss their first SEC win.

Hard to believe that the end of this season is just around the corner, War Eagle!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

RIP: Sassy, Pink Razr. November 2006 - October 2007

Sassy, Pink Razr, of Birmingham, was laid to rest today, in her original packaging. Although not even a year old, she provided much joy to her owners life. Providing her with the ability to take pictures of her beloved Munchkin, and sport the Auburn Fight Song as her ring tone, she was a good phone.

Her death was sudden, but given the owners previous history should have been expected. After drowning in a cup of water, she rallied, working for a little while longer, giving all of her loved ones false hope. She finally succumbed to her injuries when her battery failed a little after 10:00am Friday morning, all attempts at recharging proved to be, too little, too late.

Pink, Sassy Razr is survived by her owner, The Incoherent Rambler.

Rest in peace little phone, I will miss you.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Pumpkin Love

We took a little trip to the Pumpkin Patch last week with some friends. We had a great time, despite the weather feeling more like summer than fall. We took a hayride out to the patch, so the Munchkin could find her perfect pumpkin. After walking past several saying "No, not that one" she stumbled upon "the one." It was love at first sight.

I will Love him, and Hug him, and call him George.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Cup Job, Explained.

For over a week now, Hubby and I have been puzzled by something that the Munchkin keeps saying.. "Cup Job."

It started over dinner last week and we laughed so hard we were crying, we got the video camera out to record this mysterious saying. We asked her to point, she pointed in every general direction, nothing resembled a "cup job." We asked her if it was a song, to which she replied: La, lala, lala, la, cup job.... Still not very helpful.

We have been racking our brains for 2 weeks and then, last night the mystery was solved. I was reading to her from her "Hello Aubie" book, we got to the end where Aubie gives Coach Tuberville a high five. Munchkin says "Cup Job," Hubby and I both get very excited and say, "where Munchkin?" She points at the page, "Cup Job." We are confused, looking all over the page for this thing she calls Cup Job, then it hits me, Coach Tub!!! This is how she refers to Auburns head Coach, Tommy Tuberville.

She has always been able to say it a little more clearly, but for some reason her pronunciation of things can change from day to day, making my position of Toddler Translator even more difficult.

I know this may not sound like much, but for us, it's a huge victory. Simple minds, right?

Monday Morning Quarterback, LSU

I guess I can't complain too much about this week's loss. I am always disappointed when we lose, but LSU is a freaking good team, ranked now, number 3 in the BCS.

We played really well in the first half, but pretty much let LSU have their way with us in the second. I hate that there was a bad call in the last minutes of the game, it always opens me up to the what if's?

We made some bad decisions late in the game, having a 1 point lead and giving them the ball with 3:21 on the clock, did not help. All in all, I've come to terms with this weeks loss, and am looking on to Ole Miss, a game we should win, they are 0-5 in the SEC, this SHOULD not be a problem!

War Damn Eagle!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Here's Your Sign

I've decided lately that in order to explain many things, I need a sign, stamped to my forehead, printed on my shirt, something that says "I'M PREGNANT" This would explain so many things to so many people.... For instance:

* The contraption of string or rubber bands I have rigged together is to help hold my pants closed. It's not that I'm in denial over gaining weight, refusing to buy up a size, it's because my regular clothes don't fit, and maternity is still too big.

* I'm not a begger digging through the trash can in aisle 2 of the grocery store, I simply got too close to the seafood department and felt the need to dry heave for just a little while before finishing my shopping.

* Anywhere between the hours of roughly 2pm and 6pm everyday, I nap - if you call and I don't answer, I still love you. I'm just really exhausted and most likely nauseous.

* I'm pretty much late for everything right now, just a by product of the morning sickness.

* If we are having a conversation and I become suddenly quiet, it's because I'm fighting the urge to vomit or dry heave, bear with me, it will pass momentarily.

* Eating dinner twice is completely normal for someone in my "condition".

* Although showering does not come everyday, I'm not "letting myself go." Cute ponytails are always stylish, right?

So there you have it! I'M PREGNANT!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The First Cut Is The Hardest.

After more than a year debating when and if we should cut the Munchkin's hair, I finally took the difficult step. I found this great little place that specializes in kids cuts, and the prices were reasonable.

Flat screen T.V's playing Curious George, sparkles for her cheeks, and hair when she was finished, as well as a light mist of something that smelled like cotton candy... Mmmmm!

She did great and I didn't cry! I'm a big girl now!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Hannah Go Tee-Tee.

We had some friends over Saturday to watch the game and let the kids play. While we were in the kitchen eating we hear the sound of the toilet lid slamming in the guest bathroom, the door was closed. My first thought was one of the men dropped the seat, no biggie, right? Wrong! My child, the one who has never been mischievous or super curious, had closed herself in the bathroom and was playing in the toilet like it was a splash park.

At a loss for words all I could do was laugh, this was so unlike her. She looked up at me and said "Hannah go tee-tee." Hannah, her baby doll, was drenched in toilet water, so was the Munchkin. There were little piles of wet tissue clumped all over the floor, her shoes, and wrapped around Hannah. "Hannah, wipe" she told me today.

My "good" kid has become inquisitive, which is leading to crazy amounts of cute and a lot of extra work... What is this switch that flips in them when they turn 2?

Monday Morning Quarterback, Arkansas

I do realize that I missed last weeks edition, which was a blow out on Vanderbilt. Not much to report. We are playing well and winning games. When Brandon Cox can hold on to the football, and not throw interceptions, we win. He has thrown 1 interception in the last 4 games and we are 4-0.

What can I say about our game with Arkansas, a nail biter, too close for comfort. It was a defensive battle for both teams, but AU's defense came out on top. The Tigers rushing D entered the game ranked 33rd. But Auburn stuffed Arkansas, holding them to 67 yards. They had been averaging 338.

Wes Byrum is earning his keep, kicking his second game-winning field goal in three weeks, this one from 20 yards with 21 seconds remaining.

Now we sit in a 3-way tie for first in the SEC West, with LSU and Alabama. We all still have to play each other, and who will come out on top is anyone's guess.

Off we go to LSU for another heart pounding game for my Tigers...

War Eagle!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Knocked Up.

So, as you all can see from my post yesterday, we are expecting another baby! I'm 3 months along, and due April 26th. We've kept it pretty much on the down low because of our last pregnancy ending in miscarriage. We just wanted to get through this first trimester without getting our hopes too high, not that we haven't been excited, just cautious.

This should explain to you all why I haven't been posting as much, here or on your blogs... Morning Sickness!!! Blech! I have felt like complete and total asshole, not just ass, asshole... My Doctor prescribed me some Zofran that up until this week worked pretty well, for some reason this has just been a bad week. But as my Doctor keeps reminding me, sickness in pregnancy is really a good thing and a sign of healthy pregnancy, so although I have complained this week, I really shouldn't.

Let's just hope baby #2 doesn't come out with a 3rd arm attached to his/her back as a result of all of the drugs!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Sunday, October 07, 2007

2, Too Much!

Another birthday party and another year of the Munchkin's life is in the books. I can't believe that my "baby" is officially two years old!! It's so cliche, but boy, does time fly!

Thank you to all of our friends and family that helped make this day special for her. My house is wrecked and looks like a miniature version of Toys R Us... What kid needs this much crap. For those of you that would like to make a donation to the addition we are going to build on our house, please call 1-888-BGR-PLYROOM.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

They Found It!!!

Thanks to all of you for commenting and NOT making me feel like an idiot for losing my shopping bag. I called the store the night I noticed it was missing and the girl I spoke with couldn't find anything that had been turned in to them. I decided to try again yesterday afternoon, just in case...... They had it!!

Yay! I'm so happy I can't even tell you. There are good people in the world!

Happy Day!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


It's what I wanted to do last night when I got home and realized that my shopping bag, complete with purchases was not in my car. I went to the Gap yesterday, I literally went from my car into the store, and from the store back to my car. How the hell do you lose a shopping bag that fast?

I went looking yesterday for the Munchkin a "party dress" for her birthday this weekend, I found something really cute at Gap Kids, along with a pair of jeans that were on sale and some really cute flats, all for her. I spent $70.00. I got back and have absolutely nothing to show for it, NADA!

I am sick. I just don't do things like this, and for some reason, I've just been "off" lately. The Munchkin was throwing a fit, the lady behind the counter was giving her stickers and somewhere along the line, someone now has my stuff, receipt and all.

Not a good day.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Monday Morning Quarterback, Florida Gators.

Wow! What a game. And for the first time this season, I am actually happy to write this post, I don't have to blast my team for the first time in weeks!!!!

The first quarter was incredible. We pulled together and played like a team. It reminded me of the past few seasons when things were clicking and the players were communicating. Who knows what got into our team this past weekend, but I like it, and I hope.... pray, that there's more where that came from.

Urban Meyer, you thought you were smart trying that little icing technique on our kicker, well look where it got you, your first home field loss as Florida Head Coach. Way to go Byrum! You totally deserve your SEC player of the week honor. 43 yards and I bet you knew it was good when it left your foot!

Way to go Tigers! War Damn Eagle. You have actually given me some new found hope!

I will leave you with this beautiful site of Toomers Corner.... Brings a tear to my eye.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

No Rest For the Weary.

We have had a really busy few days. Getting up early and getting home and in bed pretty late. Yesterday we went to our friends house to watch some football (War Damn Eagle, by the way). We got home and got Munchkin in bed a little after 11:00pm.

Hubby put her down, I headed down stairs to put on my jammies and cuddle up with a little Sports Center before getting what I thought might be a good night sleep, with a chance of sleeping in the this morning. Just as I was dozing off, beginning to dream of my team beating the Florida Gators, great passing, great tackling, and our eye candy quarter back, Brandon Cox... I hear screaming, is it Auburn fans screaming with delight? No, maybe Gator fans, definitely not happy screams, who invited you into my dreams anyway? Shoo! Wait, why are they saying Mama? Must. Wake. Up...... I look at the clock, it's 12:08am, I look at the monitor it's Munchkin, screaming her head off. Usually she will go back to sleep but after 10 minutes of listening to her get louder, I head up to check on her. We rock, she screams, I'm falling asleep in the rocking chair and make a momentary lapse in judgment, wouldn't we be more comfortable in the bed?

Hubby and I have always had a rule about the Munchkin sleeping in our bed, we just don't do it, except on a few rare occasions like traveling or sometimes when he's out of town. It was just a habit we never wanted to start. For this reason, the Munchkin does not understand how to share a bed. She likes to throw herself over me, stick her feet in my ribs, sit up, lay down, roll around.... So as it approaches 2:00 am I find myself clinging to the sliver that is now my sleep space. Did I mention drunk ass Hubby has barely even stirred during all of this! Except for when I thumped him on the head to let him know not to roll over and suffocate her, he snorted, I took that as acknoweledgement.

So we did manage to sleep until 8:45 this morning, but I wouldn't say rested is how I feel today. Here's hoping for a better night tonight!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Goin' Through The Big "D"

No, no marital problems, before you even have a stroke.... This is a divorce of a different kind. A friendship.

My best friend from high school (who happens to be a guy) married a girl about 5 or 6 years ago. Someone that I would not have been friends with under any other circumstances. I don't mean that in a bad way, we are, and have always been EXTREMELY different people. Night and Day. The only thing that we really had in common was that she was marrying my best friend.

We have had some great times throughout the years, bar hopping, traveling together, drunken sleepovers, she even worked for me for a little while, before having their first child, who is 2 years older than Munchkin. She quit to be a SAHM, I continued to work, with no plans for babies in the near future. Even after having their first child, we remained close, but something changed after I had the Munchkin. It all just started going down hill. We talked less, we saw each other even less than that. We thought maybe it was because we lived on really opposite ends of town, but when we moved in closer it didn't help.

She had her 2nd child in June, the day that we did back to back closings on the houses. I was not able to get to the hospital to see them until late that night, and the months following were hectic with repair people coming and going, keeping me busy trying to get the new house livable. This caused some serious resentment on her part that festered until this spring. We had not talked since December when she found out about my miscarriage, and called wanting us to get together to clear the air.

This seemed like a good idea, until I walked into a hornets nest of pettiness. She wanted me to come up with a list of everything she had ever done that bothered me, she was doing the same.. I had some serious stuff on my "list", she complained that I didn't have pictures of her kids on my fridge. All of the sudden my stuff seemed way too involved and I was afraid to bring it up, not wanting to cause any more hurt feelings. So we said our peace, said we would do better and went on our way. Only I was too uncomfortable to be around her, knowing everything I did was going to be scrutinized, and would be subject for another discussion later on. I made a few phone calls, invited them to a couple of things and let it go.

I got an email a couple of weeks ago, telling me again how much I had hurt her feelings and what I was doing wrong. I sent back an email being completely honest, making a few harsh observations about how different we are, and why I was choosing to distance myself from her... Then it was on!!! She retaliated by attacking me for things I had done or said over 4 years ago, putting me on a guilt trip talking about tragedies and how I would regret it if anything ever happened to her or her family, knowing I chose to throw this friendship away.

This I don't need. It's absurd to think that every little thing I ever say or do wrong will be thrown back in my face - even if I have apologized for it. You have to move on, already.

This is all new to me and seems like it's been handled terribly. I never like to burn bridges, and the days of Jr High are gone when you would just take back all of your New Kids on the Block stuff, and write bad things about each other in yearbooks.

How are you supposed to handle a break up as an adult? Should you weed people out of your life if they aren't "good" for you? I don't feel the need, at the age of 32, to try and reinvent myself into something that will please this one person. I have friends and family that seem to like me the way that I am. Are there things that I can improve on? Absolutely, but a complete overhaul is not something I'm up for, I'm happy with me, my family, friends and where we are in our lives.

Isn't that all that matters?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

"Wordless" Wednesday

This most likely will not be a weekly installment to my blog, as I rarely find myself wordless. I just happen to be fresh off of a beach trip with some really cute pictures!!!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Internet Woes

How does it know? How does it always manage to crap out on me when I need it most?

I am in the process of trying to plan a birthday party. Translation: Frantically scouring the Internet for last minute ideas, items and gifts for this festive occasion. Of course, I set aside naptime yesterday to finish my Monday blog, and get to ordering some things, only one problem, no Internet. Damn you Charter, have I told you lately that I hate you?

I started planning this party in August because I knew I would be gone a lot in September, how is it possible that I have done nothing but invitations? And that's half ass, because I still have some to send out and since we are doing a joint party with Yankee Belle, she took up my slack on the ones that have been mailed.

I thought it would be cute to do the custom M & M's as part of our goodie bags, 50 freaking dollars for the minimum order!!!! Um, no. So now, I have no ideas and I'm running out of time! Help me!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Monday Morning Quarterback, New Mexico State

Finally! A perfect Saturday, and yes, I'm enjoying it thoroughly as it will probably be the last one for this season! Auburn beats New Mexico State 55-20 and Bammer loses to Georgia in overtime, ahhhhh how I miss the last few seasons.

Don't let the Auburn score fool you, while we did seem to pull our heads out of our ass for the second half of that game, the first half left a lot to be desired. With no AU defense present, NMS was able to pretty much match us score for score until being shut down entirely in the second half. Listen to what I am telling you Auburn, you will not win another game this year if you let these teams jump up on us and score the way they have been. We are heading into tough SEC play and these teams will not lay down in the second half, they will only embarrass us by putting even more points on the board until the score looks like something you see in basketball.

So Auburn is headed for the swamp to take on the Gators, what can I say here? Dead team walking? I want to be more optimistic, but I am also a realist and Florida is favored by 18 1/2 points. This could be very ugly.

On a side note.... Where were all of my phone calls, emails and text messages this week? I have been getting quite the healthy dose from the Bammer fans each weekend but for some reason all has been quiet... Hmmm.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I'm Back and I'm So Behind

We just got back from vacation, we had a blast! We spent an entire week at the beach, lounging, playing in the sand, swimming in the pool and eating at some fantastic restaurants.

My access to internet was pretty much nil. It seemed strange at first to lay the Munchkin down for her nap everyday and not head to the computer to surf, blog and comment on other blogs. But some how I managed, I took naps almost everyday, and even spent some quiet "me" time alone at the pool while Hubby stayed at the house. Very nice.

So it's back to reality, back to the laundry and housework. But on the flip side, we are back to our friends that we missed while we were gone, the Munchkin is going to be so glad to see her B, Tooty and Buddha!!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Monday Morning Quarterback, Mississippi State

Another week, another loss, another five turnovers, count em’ F-I-V-E turnovers. The worst part? Mississippi State is actually so bad that we actually almost won the game. What does that say about us?

Well I actually have a lot that I could say about us, but this week I’m on vacation, trying to “de-stress” and my access to internet is limited making it difficult to double check my statistics. So I will go with this….

Mississippi State is one of those teams that I loathe almost as much as UAT……… almost. Their fans are downright mean, and the cowbells alone are enough to drive anyone insane. To think that we lost our SEC opener to this team is absolutely depressing.

Something else that is depressing and disappointing is the way our own fans handled the decision to put Brandon Cox back in the game after the miserable start he had. I mean really? Booing your own players? It’s reminiscent of the “boo birds” heard so frequently at Bryant Denny stadium during the Shula, Duboise, Curry, Perkins, hell, anyone who isn’t The Bear eras. I’ve been known to drop an F-bomb at the TV, but booing your team is in poor taste no matter who you are. We’re better than that, let’s act like it.

Maybe it’s time we get back to basics, you know, things like completing passes, and making some tackles. Maybe a few less turnovers, and senseless penalties. Just because the Quarterback is a 6 year senior, does not mean he is an automatic for the starting position. True freshman, Cody Burns came out and rocked it, it was the best couple of series we’ve had this season. So he’s young, doesn’t know the playbook or the Offense that well, he will, and so far I like what I see.

The silver lining? We’ve got a very promising Quarterback, and lots of freshman. In the past two years we have graduated the team that for the past five years spoiled us, the team that put us on top and won us favor in the eyes of the media.

Looks like it’s a rebuilding year for us, and nothing more. I think we will be lucky at this point to have a winning season.

Enjoy it Bammer, you’re back on top!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Move Bitch, Get Out The Way!

While shopping at the mall today, this lady, albeit elderly stepped right out in front of my stroller. It infuriates me when people do not pay attention to on coming traffic and leave no room for me to pass by with the Munchkin.

Have no fear! The Munchkin Beeped at her. A loud and obvious, BEEP! BEEP!

That's my girl!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Monday Morning Quarterback, South Florida

Okay, so technically it's Tuesday and for reasons I will explain at a later date I haven't been real up to date on my posts, reading or commenting.... I will be back in the swing of things soon!

Were we the only ones that were completely disgusted at the way our beloved Auburn Tigers played this past weekend? In all honestly we deserved to loose that game. Turning the ball over 5 times is no way to win. We saw this alot in our season opener, which we probably should have lost as well, but by some miracle were able to turn that one around. We can't seem to communicate, it's almost as if these players have never played together, missed tackles left and right.

There is absolutely no way we are going to be able to pull out wins over teams like LSU and Georgia if we don't make some changes. You can not get down 14 - 3 in the first quarter, continue to play like ass and hope it's all going to fall into to place.

Oh and Coach, what the hell kind of boneheaded move was it to take that game into overtime? We don't do well in overtime, they were/are undefeated.

Cox, slow down, trust your players to make some plays, don't feel like you have to be the hero.

Fannin, 62 yards and a touchdown is great, but if you can't hold onto the ball, it makes no difference.

Coach, the first six possessions of the second half, fumble, punt, fumble, fumble, punt, interception. Do I really need to say more?

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Freeing My Radicals

Have you seen the new commercial with my girl Jennifer Garner selling Neutrogena? I'm such a sucker, I went out and bought the line. If my JG is pushing it, it must be good stuff right? Her skin is awesome and in just 2 short weeks I will look just like her, isn't that what the ad said? Who knew it was this easy.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

5-0 Bitches!!

To all of my friends that are Alabama fans, I will apologize to you now, this does not apply to you...

What is it with these redneck Alabama fans? I do not walk around spewing verbal vomit at you about how much I hate your team. I may have been named by some of our friends as The Worlds Most Obnoxious Auburn Fan, but I will never harass you unprovoked in the grocery store line.

Tonight, I ran up to the store to get a couple of things before the game started. I was of course wearing my Auburn shirt and hat. While standing in the line, the Cashier, who is wearing a Crimson Tide T-shirt, tells me I should go get in line with her sister over there, pointing to another Cashier wearing an Auburn shirt. I look over and smile, then the man in front of me turns around and decides to join in on the fun. Telling me I should figure it out and change my colors, again I smile. He continues on, asking if I would ever learn..and some other bull shit that I was trying very hard to ignore. Finally after listening to them snicker and blab on, I said, "I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable? You want me to learn what? How to beat you for a sixth time in a row? "War Eagle Sir."

As he was walking away, he turned and said, "Oh no she didn't just say they were going to beat us again this year," "Yes sir," I say again, "War Eagle" He laughs and heads out of the store. My first thought was to tackle him from behind and beat him over the head with my People Magazine. Realizing that would be both ineffective and considered assault, I hold my place in line.

F - You, Mother F'er!!!! I HATE ALABAMA..... YOU SUCK! Have a little bit of class. Is that even possible? I was just standing there, minding my own business, trying to buy my milk and skinny cows. Grrrr... Go to hell.

A Good Time Had By All....

We had such a great time visiting BFF and Agent B. It's only when we are around them, that we realize how much we miss them. They have been gone for about 3 years now and although we talk pretty much weekly, I still feel like we miss out on so much, especially watching the kids grow up.

Our plane landed just in time for us to get to the house, grill some burgers and watch the Auburn game (don't get me started, I will have plenty of time to blog about our piss-poor playing, tackling and quarterback who reminded me of one Brody Croyle with 5 sacks)

On Sunday we got a sitter for the kiddies and headed out for some adult time.. meaning me and BFF driving our drunk ass husbands around town. We went to this fantastic restaurant and bar called the Bier Garden, it's authentic German Cuisine and they have something like 3oo "biers" on the menu, most you can't even purchase here in Birmingham because of the alcohol content. Free the Hops, baby!! The boys started out with a very thick, dark beer with 13% alcohol, went to one with 8% and finished the night with one that was 10%. They were drunker than a waltzing piss ant. We had been to a party before dinner where there were kegs, no telling how much they had there.

To give you an idea. Hubby decided to drunk dial my Grandmother. My family is full-on German, Mom born in Berlin. He thought that since we were enjoying this fine German food and bier, he should share with her our experience, so he called her.

Next, the boys thought that they should give their compliments to the owner and insisted that our Server, our poor Server should go and find the little old lady that owns the restaurant and bring her to us. She did, and they proceeded to tell her how much they enjoyed her establishment, they literally said that, about 12 times... Each!

On the way home, they (the boys) thought it wise to open the to go box full of leftover sauerkraut, and sausages and proceed to eat it with their hands in the back seat of the car. BFF and I were practically gagging in the front seat and had to roll the windows down in order to breathe, this made us freeze, so we turned on the heat, drunk boys did not appreciate the heat wave and got pissy... Ahhhh drunk Hubbys, gotta love them.

On Monday we hit the pool at their Country Club (they're hoity toity like that.. totally kidding) for a grill out, swimming and an explosive diaper that almost shut the pool down.

Tuesday it was time to come home, too soon, as always. We had such a great time and wish we could have stayed longer. BFF if you are reading this, I love you dearly and miss you guys every day!! Your box is in the mail!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

The Munchkin and Her Man

We haven't officially set a wedding date yet, but the time will come for these two little love birds. Over the long weekend these 2 shared, lots of kisses, hugs, snacks and fits.

Here they are on their first date at the beach. Waving at the waves of the Atlantic ocean before heading off to the DQ for some ice cream. They were heavily chaperoned, of course!

Lil' Pimp making his move...

And yes, that is the Munchkin sitting in the SAND!!! I couldn't believe it!

Yakkity Yak.

I guess I should start this post by informing you about some oddities of mine.

1. I don't fly well. I am prone to motion sickness and planes rides usually do me in.

2. I don't like to take any medication unless I absolutely can't do without.

3. I don't like to vomit, especially not in front of other people. I will go to great lengths to keep from doing so. Up until this year I had not thrown up in several years. I even made it through 5 very difficult weeks of morning sickness when I was pregnant with the Munchkin without hurling.

So here we are, our plane is making it's descent into Baltimore when I feel my first wave of nausea hit. I start taking deep breathes and cursing myself for not taking my Dramamine, this was no time to be a hero. The plane lands, I haven't puked and I think things are good, until I realize I am getting very hot. I start to sweat profusely, and feel that I'm going to be really sick. Everyone is filing off the plane except for us. I'm leaning forward with my head between my legs and the very small barf bag in my hands, praying with all of my might that I can just catch my breath. The Hubby is adjusting the air to blow straight down on me, nothing is helping. Every time I think I'm going to be alright, I feel it coming. I sit back down and breathe. By this time everyone is off of the plane and the "polite" Flight Attendant is telling me that they can not hold the plane any longer, I have to go. I explain that it will be alot easier to clean up any mess that I'm about to make if it's centrally located and not scattered from the plane to the terminal. The "polite" Flight Attendant hands me a large plastic garbage bag, puts me in a wheel chair and sends me on my way!


I begin to feel better as I get to the next gate. Hubby goes directly to the gift shop to purchase enough Dramamine to cover the remaining leg of our flight and the trip home.

What was I thinking?

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Happy Football Day Everyone!!!

I couldn't let this day pass without a big WAR EAGLE to you all!

This marks the beginning of my favorite time of year, fall. It's going to go by way too fast, like always. So buckle up and enjoy the ride!


Leaving on a Jet Plane........Hopefully!

We are supposed to be leaving out to visit our friends in VA. This will be the first time for the Munchkin to fly and all everyone has said is to make sure you have her birth certificate. We chose not to buy her a seat, because

1. She would most likely be in my lap the entire time anyway, and

2. We are extremely cheap, she won't be two until October so we are taking advantage.

So as we were reminded by all of our friends and the airline, DON'T.FORGET.BIRTH.CERTIFICATE. We made notes, mental notes, written notes, email notes and, note - notes.

Guess What? We don't have her birth certificate. Major SNAFU. We applied for her passport about 6 weeks ago and it was sent off with the pass port application.

Hubby called the airline and told them that we had the paper work we submitted to get her birth certificate, and they said that should be fine, should be.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Local Toddler Charged with Sexual Harrassment.

I can see the headline now!

We had an installer here today putting in a security system. The Munchkin affectionately referred to him as "The Man", all morning. "Where Man go?", "What Man doing?"

She decided to be all cute and cuddly, and climbed up on the sofa to give me kisses and hugs. "Man" was working on the door from the den to the deck as she got down, went over to him and said "Man, piss, piss, man" For those of you that don't know, "piss" is her word for "kiss." Now "Man" looked very confused, I'm sure he was thinking what a great word for a Toddler to use on company. At that point I was faced with explaining that she wanted to give him a kiss, not that she wanted him to take a piss. I thought this over for a second and decided that neither of these explanations would be comfortable so I left well enough alone, and tried to get her focused on something else. That worked for about a split second before she walked back over to "Man" and yelled "Pants Off" and proceeded to pull her pants down. Great, I'm raising a stripper.

Realizing that her direct approach was falling on blind eyes and obviously not working, she decided to play a little game of hard to get.

While "Man" was working on the motion sensor, The Munchkin would run over to him and say "You no get me" and take off running, only to find that he was not willing to play her game, not wanting to give up she did this about one thousand and sixty four more times, before finally admitting defeat.

Note to self: Explain to Munchkin the concept of not buying the cow, when you get the milk for free.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I'm Not A Bitch?

Thank you Mommapeas.

I never saw this award coming my way. I tend to think of myself as pretty bitchy, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that you have nominated me for this little bit of "blog bling"

I must say that I would give this award right back to you, if I could and I will also nominate my other Partners in Crime....

Random Mommy & Yankee Belle

I have had the great pleasure of getting to know all of these ladies over this past year and have formed some of the best friendships with each of them. We need a great friend award or something to be passed around too...

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, you guys are the bestest!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Mommy Milestone

I did it! I officially completed a 3 day camp for the Munchkin. A drop off, leave for 3 hours, and pick up, kind of camp. I actually allowed someone other than family to watch her, and she didn't die an awful death, bust her head open, or choke on a grape while I was gone. All very good things. They would have had some serious explaining to do if she would have escaped the front gate, gone out the front door and taken off with someone that was not on the approved pick up list (me), I would not have been happy! Yes, all of these scenarios went through my head.

I knew that a little time away from each other would do us both some good. She was able to build her independence and her confidence knowing that I would come back and get her. And for me? Well, I got to spend 3 days "hanging with my Homies" shopping at the mall, having lunch, and getting pedicures. I got a haircut and brow wax, and even made it in and out of Target and WalMart in record time.

This does not mean that either of us is ready for this type of separation on a regular basis. Today she was a little clingy and on the ride to the gym kept saying "Mama come too?" So I knew that 3 days in row was pushing it, not to mention that by about 10:30 everyday I was ready to have her back, can we say "Co-Dependent?"

So, she was body slammed by a little girl bigger than her, put in a head lock, face down in the ball pit by same girl, and had some mysterious scratches on her arm today. We both made it through this venture in one piece, and without losing sanity.

I will end by saying that there isn't anything sweeter than the look on her face when she saw me come back to get her, a genuine happiness to see me, followed by "miss you" and lots of kisses, that alone might be worth the time a part...... maybe.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Our New Meal Ticket

We went to lunch at the Olive Garden yesterday to celebrate my Aunts Birthday. Olive Garden is not one of our favorite places to eat, it's ok for me, but Hubby HATES it.

We sat down and got our drinks ordered, everyone is making a fuss over how cute the Munchkin is and how much she has grown when the Server comes back with our drinks, she's down to 2 glasses when she loses balance and spills my sweet tea all over the Munchkin's head and most of my left side. Now when I say spilled, I mean completely drenched the Munchkin, her hair looked like she had just gotten out of the bath and I could literally wring the tea out of her skirt. She handled it like a champ though, there was a brief moment when she looked at me to see how she was supposed to react, since I didn't panic, she didn't either, she only shouted out "ICE, ICE" making the entire restaurant laugh.

After we got dried off and finished our meal the Manager came over to apologize and let us know that she had taken care of our meals.... Hmmmm, do you think that there is a way to train an almost 2 year old to "trip" the waitress?.... What? It's not like the actual glass fell on her head. Trust me that would have been a whole other story you would have seen on the news, Birmingham Family, now owns Olive Garden...

We could be on to something.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Final Countdown!

One week from tonight!!!

Weagle Weagle War Damn Eagle.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Why Is It?

I held a meet and greet today for some ladies that have been wanting to join the Mommies Group that I organize. We typically do this at a local mall, it's easy, rain or shine, plenty of room and we have the food court so not everyone has to agree on what to eat.

I was hoping that I would also be able to do a little shopping while I was there (another plus for doing it at the mall) Lots of stores are having big sales right now, and I need a few things for the beach. The problem was that the Munchkin had different plans for me, why does it always happen this way? You have the time, you have the money and your child has to chose that day to act like a little shit?

Here's the rundown:

1. While talking with the other Mommies, the Munchkin sat quietly in her stroller while dumping her entire sippy cup onto her shirt.

2. Flipped out of stroller onto head. Okay, this might have been my fault for not strapping her in for the "short" walk over to Chick Fil A. But seriously, who feels the need to stick their head between their legs while riding in a moving object?

3. Pooped right after we all got our food and sat down to eat.

4. Screamed like I was trying to kill her while changing diaper in less than perfect conditions. Stupid changing station was right over the garbage can and would not fold down completely, Munchkin was practically upside down, maybe I deserved that.

5. Screamed like a Banshee when we returned to table of women I just met. Would not eat anything, except for "pop-pop" (lollipop) leading to...

6. Making me look like a terrible Mom who only feeds her child Dum-Dums for lunch.

7. Tried to steal clothes from the Gap. Thank goodness I noticed the little Klepto's bundle of shirts before getting out of the store.

SERIOUSLY.. At this point you think I would have called it a day, right? Nope!

8. Knocked over end cap of cookies at grocery store because she refused to take off her sunglasses and couldn't see where she was going and wouldn't hold my hand.

9. Allowed me to get completely soaked while trying to buckle her in her seat and talk her out of a tantrum.

My nerves are shot.. I need an adult beverage. Best part? Date night, I'm leaving her with my sister and I won't be looking back!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Moral Dilemma

Save myself or save the girl?

You all know that I have a crazy fear of that little insect known as the cockroach, but did you know that I would sacrifice my child to save myself?

Last night while I was changing into my jammies, the Munchkin was sitting on my bedroom floor, near the clothes hamper, taking off her shoes. I looked over about the same time this GINORMOUS, cockroach crawled right past her, missing her little hand by inches. My first instinct? Scream and run, save yourself little Munchkin, every man for him/herself. Then as I snapped out of my momentary hysteria, I sternly said to the Munchkin "Get up, right now and come to Mommy....NOW" She actually obeyed me, she took her sweet time as all Toddlers tend to do, but she made it out alive, unscathed of the trauma that is "La Cocaracha"

I ran and got the bug spray, and of course the little Bastard was nowhere to be found. I looked under the dresser, flipped over the clothes hamper, nothing. The Munchkin was following me around saying Ewe! Bug? Bug?

After putting the Munchkin down for bed, I went back to search some more, there was no way in hell I was going to bed until I had a roach carcass. Fortunately the poison that the bug guy sprayed got to him because he was upside down, dying a slow death when I found him in my bathroom, I sprayed him anyway for good measure. You can never be too careful.

Why is it always Hubby's poker night when things like this happen? Not wanting Hubby to feel left out of all the excitement, I left the remains for him to dispose of.

What? You didn't think I would actually pick that thing up did you?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Whew! It's Only Peanut Butter

While the Munchkin was (not) napping in her room this afternoon, I decided to tackle some much needed housework. I have fallen off of the cleaning wagon, and I'm desperately trying to right myself before the laundry gets up and walks itself to the washing machine.. Although that would be nice, wouldn't it?

While prepping my floors to be mopped (sweeping and swiffering.) I noticed this brown smudge on the laundry room doors. I like to think I keep a relatively clean house, and that something like this must not have been there too long, or I would have noticed. Of course my first thought is that it looks an awful lot like poo. I then happen to notice the same smudge on the kitchen door, door frame and knob. I'm thinking this is bad, very bad! The Munchkin has been going through this phase where she likes to let her hands "hang out" down the back of her diaper, not really doing anything, just resting, so I of course thought the worst. I went to get a paper towel to examine the unidentifiable substance, I couldn't tell by sight alone, so I had to resort to the sniff test..... Don't act like you've never done this!

Thankfully, it was without a doubt, peanut butter! I thought I was going to have to break all of my new "green" rules and whip out the clorox for some hard core cleaning!

Now my only questions is this, what stupid Mommy let her child walk around the house eating a PB&J? Oh right, me, the one who was too tired to fight about sitting at the table to eat lunch. Some days you just have to give, even if means wiping peanut butter off of your walls!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Mommy Brain or Paranoia?

I've come to accept the fact that my brain is pretty much mush now after having a child. I constantly forget things and will lose thought in...... Wait. What was I saying? oh yeah, lose thought in mid sentence.

Most recently though, I'm thinking that the Hubby is playing a mean joke on me. I've been looking for one of my flip flops for almost a week now. The last time I saw the pair, the Munchkin was wearing them around the house. When I decided the next day I wanted to wear them, all I had was the right one. I tore my closet apart, looked under the bed, the sofa, and found myself begging a 22 month old to help me find my shoe. I asked her over and over where she put Mommy's shoe, thinking, maybe, just maybe she would go and retrieve it like a Labrador. No luck!

As I head to the grocery store yesterday, I give another quick look around thinking that maybe I over looked it, I even tell the Hubby about the flip flop that is MIA, he says he will keep an eye out. I get home from the store, head to the closet to take off my shoes, and Lo' and Be-hold, the missing shoe is right there in front of me!

This is not a coincidence my friends. Although I have made the Hubby triple - super swear he had nothing to do with it, I think he lies.

Something is not right here and I intend to get to the bottom of this. Hubby says "Mommy Brain", I say "he lies", he says, I'm paranoid, I think someone is trying to make me look silly and I don't like it....

To be continued!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Open Letter.

Dear Big Ass SUV Driving Morons,

Is it too much to ask that you take the extra 2 seconds to back out and straighten your big ass vehicle into the parking space correctly? Are you in such a hurry to see what's in the Dollar Spot at Target to consider that some people actually have to get a child out of a car seat?

I feel that I have every right to lash out at you Morons, as I have recently re-joined the Big Ass SUV population. But I am different than you, I am considerate and I know what the little painted lines in the parking lot mean. These are not merely guidelines for you to follow at your own discretion, they have a purpose. You park between them, not on them, not halfway off of them. And for the love of all that is Holy, if someone else has made the terrible decision to park like an idiot, don't feel the need to "squeeze" in beside them, this only makes matters worse for everyone.

It never ceases to amaze me how many of you actually have children and still don't take the time to park straight. This causes me much stress and aggravation. It also causes me to "accidentally" ding your car without a care in the world. Next time you park like a crazy ass person, and you come out of the store to see a slight improvement to your paint job.... You're Welcome!

Consider it a reminder that your size 12 ass probably won't cram into a size 4 pair of jeans either!


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

No Solicitation!

I'm hate to say this, because in my former life, my backgroud was Sales and Marketing.

I. Hate. Solicitors.

I completely understand that it's a tough job, I've been there and done that. What I don't understand is this whole new era of "Mall Solicitors"

The Munchkin and I spent some girl time today cruising the mall. What else are we going to do when it's 1-0-(f'ing)4 degrees outside!!!

Anyway, as we made our way through the mall to the food court, I was accosted by these girls who thought my hair needed some "touching up" with this magical piece of equipment they were selling/demonstrating, oh, and using on random dirty people who probably have "head bugs" - I politely smile, "No, Thank You".

As we continue on to the food court, "Nut Guy" jumps out from behind his little stand to try and get me to sample his nuts.. You know what I mean. Again, I politely decline as he then lowers the tray for the Munchkin to see, Um! No! She's not even 2, she does not need to be eating whole cashews and pecans, think dude! He better be glad she didn't have time to process the whole situation, because I would have thrown a smack down on "Nut Guy" right there in front of Talbot's, if a tantrum would have ensued!

We ate lunch, rode the carousel, bought some cookies and called it a day. On our way back, the same hair girls attempted to hit me up again!!! Seriously, can you not remember the lady walking with a 22 month old slow poke, following close behind? This time though, the Munchkin was on top of her game, as the lady approached, the Munchkin yelled with all of her might.. NOOOOOOOO! MINE!!! I'm not sure if she was referring to me being her Mama, or if she thought the lady was going to take her cookie, either way, it worked.

God love the Munchkin!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Um.....Meet Dick?

For once, I am at a complete loss for words....

Monday, August 13, 2007

Strike One.

Snobby neighbor chick, finally sold/rented her house. Not really sure which as she is snobby and won't talk to us.

All weekend she and her Fiancee have been moving and cleaning. I say Fiancee like I know, but this is just the story that I have made up in my head. She got knocked up, rushed the engagement and is moving to South Carolina, why South Carolina? Why not, it's my head! Why pregnant? Because she has gained some weight, silly!

Anyway, we have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our new neighbors, wondering what to expect. You always think you have it bad, until someone moves in that has a dog that barks more, or they don't take care of their yard. Snobby? Yes, but at least we never had to deal with her and she kept her yard in good shape.

Today, after being at a playgroup and sitting in the car for an oil change I head to the house only to find "new neighbor" is parked in my driveway. Now, these houses are close together and all, but this is clearly MY house and I would appreciate it if you would mostly kindly get the hell out of my driveway so that I can not sit here in the middle of the road in heat that is over 100 degrees!!!! Thank you.

Snobby neighbor chick had to go and get her to move her minivan (not that there's anything wrong with that) As she hops back in without so much as a wave, or the mouthing of the words "I'm sorry" - I realize that I don't like "new neighbor".

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Family Fan Day

With only 3 weeks left until Auburn Football, we decided to head on down to the "Loveliest Little Village on the Plains" for a day of stalking the elusive team mascot, Aubie. We've been trying to get a picture of him with the Munchkin for a while now and heard that he would be participating in the annual Fan Day, held at the Coliseum.

So off we went.

The Wait........

The Reward.... How awesome is this???

Good times had by all. War Eagle!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Accidental Porn.

I'm sure you are saying yeah right! Accidental, Ha! But seriously, it was...

Last night after the Munchkin was down for the night, I went downstairs to begin my mindless channel surfing, quickly remembering that everything sucks right now. So I take the opportunity to search my "On Demand" programs, thinking that there has to be some reality crap I've been meaning watch. The new Real World, Sydney started, I've only seen the first episode, so I cruise through there to see if I've missed an episode, nope. All caught up. I scroll on through and realize that I've completely missed most of the RW Reunion, Las Vegas. I flip through the episodes to see what I've missed, find one, click ok and..... MY EYES, MY EYES, Holy Hell. What just happened? I am sitting there holding the remote, watching some perky breasted, blonde (not naturally) women making noises and full on, gettin' it on. Hubby looks up from his laptop immediately curious.

Him: What is that?
Me: Like you don't know....

So I try to back out of it thinking, well, I don't know what I was thinking, I wasn't really sure how this happened.

I get back to live T.V and try again to get my episode of RW, and it happens again!

More "Bow, Chick-A-Bow Wow" music, more moaning, more grinding...

This episode is coded very wrong in the cable listing some how. Can you just imagine if some teenage boy came across this by accident? What a thrill.

Should I call the cable company to inform them of this error? What if I was trying to get an episode of Elmo, or Dora and this "popped up" instead? My Munchkin would be morally blemished, ruined, robbed of her innocence at the sight of this filth...

On the other hand I don't think we are being charged for this, or atleast we would have grounds to refute the charges... Hmmmm. Kidding, just kidding.

Kind of.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

My Most Wonderful Day!

I just put the Munchkin to bed, and it was all I could do to pull myself away and not sit and read to her for a few more hours. She has been the most lovable little girl today, full of hugs and never running out of kisses. Offering them up instead of having me beg for them.

She's been cuddly, snugly and just all around perfect today. She ate like a champ, drank her milk, took a great nap, and played by herself willingly.

She was so good that I took her for a scoop of ice cream after dinner and she sat up on the stool, looking way older than her 22 months, eating her treat and saying "Tank to, Mama"

Days like these I wish I could bottle, just so I don't forget one second, or one look of the cuteness that is my Munchkin.

DMV? or F'ing Dumbasses? You Decide.

We are in the process of purchasing me a new vehicle! Yay! It's something that just so happened to fall in our lap, a "right place at the right time" kind of thing.

There are a few things that we wanted to know before making the final decision to purchase, one of those being the cost to play musical tags on 3 cars. Hubby is going to sell his truck and drive the 4-runner that I am giving up. I would like to keep my Auburn tag and move it to the new car that I will be driving, simple enough, right?

So I call the DMV, tags and license number in the phone book and speak to John, and I use the term "speak to" loosely. John sounded like he had about 2 teeth and I had to repeat everything 3 times, I found myself almost shouting at this man through the phone, not sure if he couldn't hear or if he was just that dumb.

It ended with him telling me, and I kid you not... "Ma'am, you are going to have to come down to the office to ask your question" What? I said to him, "What you are telling me is, I will have to physically get in my car, and drive to your office to ask you to your face the same question that I have already asked you 3 times?"

He then said I would have to contact the office in my area and gave me a phone number to call.

I would like to say that I had better luck with the ladies there, but it went something like this.

DMV Dumbass
: Ma'am we aren't allowed to give that information out over the phone, you will have to bring the paperwork in to do the transfer, and we can tell you how much it will be at that time.

Me: What I'm trying to tell you is that I don't have any paperwork, I haven't purchased the vehicle yet, I'm just trying to get an estimate.

DMV Dumbass: Right, in order to get an estimate you will need to come in with the paperwork, the title and bill of sale.

Me: Do you understand the concept of an estimate?

DMV Dumbass: Ma'am Hold on

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep... Not even some nice Muzak.. just beeping....

DMV Dumbass Supervisor
: Ma'am, can I help you?

Me: Doubtful but here goes.. I explain everything again, to no avail.

DMV, Dumb Ass, Supervisor insists that there is absolutely no way to give an estimate of the cost to transfer these tags.

How is it possible that in this day, in this age of technology, people have to show up to transfer a tag and have absolutely no idea if it's going to cost $50.00 or $400.00?

There has to be a better way, and there has to be some smarter people that can fill these jobs.

Monday, August 06, 2007

I AM Special!

I've been so busy obsessing over John Mayer lately, that I've fallen behind on my Blog Reading addiction. I was pleased to stumble upon this while catching up on "The Fishbowl"

I'm a Mom!.., because she's the one who got me hooked on blogging in the first place. Where would I be without you? Except maybe in a clean house since all of my time wouldn't be spent blogging! She's also the organizer of the most kick ass, rockin' mommy's group ever. Thanks, I'm A Mom!

I've secretly always wanted one of these little goodies!! Thanks for loving me, now I will pass the love on.

All of these girls posses something that I admire. They are smart, funny and have the ability to make light of the precarious situations that their little darlings, (Husbands included) continue to put them in. Keep on Rockin'.

Yankee Belle -- You just make me laugh. I can hear you saying every word as I read.

MommaPeas -- It's funny to discover that someone in a different body is living your life, almost exactly!

MommaDrool -- I've only known you a very short time, but damn! You crack me up.

I of course would also pass this along to Random Mommy but she's been hit already.

Spread the love ladies, spread the love.

Munchkin and her "Shange"

Lately the Munchkin has been obsessed with change, "shange" as she says. So I will let her take the change out of my wallet and play, usually ending up with dimes and pennies all over the house.

The other day, I thought I could use this play time as a learning experience by trying to teach her what each one was. She is pretty good at picking out a penny, I'm guessing because of it's color. She started getting quarter right, so I thought I would move on to the dime and nickel. I was explaining to her what they were, and that a dime is kind of like a little quarter. When I went back through them to see if she could remember, I picked up the quarter and said, "Munchkin, can you tell me what this is?" She thought for a second and then said, "Big Dime"

I love her!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Goodbye My Love!

So another rendezvous has come and gone, and my man did not disappoint. He opened with his song "Belief" and went straight into "Bigger than My Body". Other songs from the set list included: "Waiting on the World to Change", "Neon", "Good Love is on the Way" and many more, before ending with an encore of, "Your Body is a Wonderland", and "I'm gonna find another You"

It was another brief encounter, he begged me to come with him, I of course, thinking about what life would be like for the Munchkin on the road, had to decline.

So I will anxiously await his return and the release of any and all new music he has planned.

Good Bye John! My heart will be with you until we meet again!

Saturday, August 04, 2007

The Countdown Continues..

4 Weeks and counting until Auburn Football kicks off against Kansas State. Here are a few pictures of the fun we've had... Can't wait for another exciting season!

Toomers Corner after a 28-23 win over Bama in 2003 (I think).

Me with Hubby - Tiger Walk at Ole Miss, before beating them 35-14, 2004.

Me with BFF, tailgating in Knoxville. We beat TN 34-10 that year.

"The Guys" tailgating in Knoxville, 2004